Culturally Preconditioned

Somehow I get the feeling that this season will be a dud. Given Simon’s “this will be the year for the girls” comment, and what was actually shown on tv tonight, well… let’s just say I’m not holding my breath for anything spectacular. Paula may be gone this season, but whatever the hell that she’s been smoking, I’m sure she left some for the current judges, after listening to their comments tonight.

Theme for the Top 12 is Hits from the Billboard charts. Thousands of songs to choose from and none of them were impressive. Seriously now. You’d think they’d pick better songs given the vast catalogue. Anyway, I nicked this image from someone at Sucks (sorry I forgot who, but thanks!) and I feel it represents the contestants much better than their actual official touched up photos at the official site. (some of the names may be wrong as the contestant list was released prior to Hollywood week, I think)

Paige Miles : All Right Now (Free) -  LOL it is SO not all right now. Not after listening to that, and hearing the judges creaming their pants over it. I know this might be Simon’s final season, but to say that she has the best vocals? No, no and just no. Bad song choice. Sub-par vocals.  3.5 out of 10

Ashley Rodriguez : Happy (Leona Lewis) - Ooooooh credits to her for singing a song written by Ryan Tedder <3 I wanted to like Ashley but she was definitely inaudible during some parts of the song, and I just wasn't impressed. Funny tho, that the judges are asking her to take a riskier song, when she couldn't even sing a song, which IMO was right up her alley, right. 4 out of 10.

Janell Wheeler : What About Love (Heart) - She’s pretty. But that alone will get you nowhere (but then again, this is Idol we’re talking about). Never ever attempt a song by Heart if you can’t pull it off. It’s like she’s singing into her hair brush during a sleepover or something.  4 out of 10.

Lilly Scott : Fixing a Hole (The Beatles) - Didn’t think I was gonna like her, but I did. <3 Buskers that can actually sing <3 That Adele/Duffy comment was rather lame though. I liked her performance. 6 out of 10.

Katelyn Epperly : Oh! Darling (The Beatles) - I know Kara was trying to sound politically correct, but Katelyn did look kinda brothelly trampish. And it was very distracting.  So much so that I don’t even remember what she sounds like, so I’ll give her a 5 out of 10.

Haeley Vaughn : I Wanna Hold Your Hand (The Beatles) - Fuck no. 1 out of 10.

Lacey Brown : Landslide (Fleetwood Mac) - I dunno.. I really like the song choice. But she was completely forgettable. I’m quite sure she’d be the first one out in the result show.  3 out of 10.

Michelle Delamor : Fallin’ (Alicia Keyes) - Token diva of the season? Why not, given the pool that we have this year. She didn’t sound amazing in a Latoya London kinda way, but she didn’t sound terrible. Definitely above average, but I’m not seriously wowed by her. Yet. 6 out of 10.

Didi Benami : The Way I Am (Ingrid Michaelson) - Didi is one of my pre-show favorites, but tonight she reminds me a lot of Megan Joy from last season. Which is kind of ironic since I didn’t like her style of singing. That said, I personally loved Didi’s performance tonight. 7 out of 10.

Siobhan Magnus : Wicked Game (Chris Isaak) - Wow haven’t heard this song in a long while. At first I thought her key was way too low, but she didn’t quite massacre the song. I was disappointed with the lack of her trademark “I’mgonnakillyou” facial expressions from Hollywood though. 6 out of 10.

Crystal Bowersox : Hand In My Pocket (Alanis Morissette) - The other female contestant that I like pre-show. Kinda disappointed in her performance tonight, cause I was expecting more out of her (vocally). I didn’t think she was awful, but I like her style way more than the others. 6 out of 10. oh and Randy? A harmonica is not a harp.
Katie Stevens : Feeling Good (Michael Buble.. really?) - I still can’t get over the fact that Ryan credited this to Michael Buble. Are you serious? They might as well say, Feeling Good by David Hasselhoff. And shit, much as I love him, but if Michael Buble can’t even sing a better version than Nina Simone, why would anyone else bother? Fail. 5 out of 10.

Final Rankings :

1. Didi Benami - 7 out of 10.
2. Siobhan Magnus - 6 out of 10.
2. Crystal Bowersox - 6 out of 10
2. Michelle Delamor - 6 out of 10.
2. Lilly Scott - 6 out of 10.
6. Katelyn Epperly - 5 out of 10.
6. Katie Stevens - 5 out of 10.
8. Ashley Rodriguez - 4 out of 10.
8. Janell Wheeler -  4 out of 10.
10. Paige Miles - 3 out of 10
10. Lacey Brown - 3 out of 10.
12. Haeley Vaughn - 1 out of 10.

I think Paige and Ashley might be toast, but I don’t really care at this point.
And I’ll probably go to hell for posting this, but ever since Hanson posted this at survivorsucks.com I just can’t get the comparison outta my head. Damn you Hanson!