Culturally Preconditioned

W00t! What a race. WHAT A RACE! Congrats to Jerry Bruckheimer for winning the second consecutive Emmy for Best Reality Show. And also thank you for giving us the most deserved and most satisfying win two years in a row. Congratulations to Team Chimp for winning the race.

First of all, a short recap. The episode started off with the Final Four teams : Team Moms, Team Chimp (Kim who? I could swear she only appeared in the show 30 minutes before the ending), Team Satan (self explanatory) and Team Models(ditto - I would refer them as Team Jesus but many probably won’t get that this is just a reference to these two contestants, and not to Christians in general, so I don’t wanna ruffle any feathers).

After leaving the Coconut Palace, teams had to take a charter flight to Palawan (which was rumoured to be the location for a future installment of Survivor). The arhipelago is so wonderfully beautiful and the high limestone cliffs reminded me of Phi Phi Island (where they filmed Alex Garland’s The Beach - for those who haven’t read the book, go read it and skip the horrendous movie adaptation).

Finding the country flag reminded me of the Malaysian leg in Amazing Race 3, where our Jalur Gemilang was the clue, and racers had to find out which country it belonged to (Flo and Zach surprisingly nailed it). I guess you can’t blame them for not knowing the Phillipines flag? Most of us probably could cause it’s an ASEAN country (there’s no real excuse if you couldn’t). And the Male Satan actually had a very interesting quote ever : “Too bad I’m an ignorant American”. Ya think? He’s stating the obvious but it’s nice to hear it coming out from his mouth.

The Chimps was totally in their game mode, and I don’t blame them for tricking the Models with the ‘false’ clue. You can only get so far in this game by playing follow the leader, so I think they did what they had to do. They then had to dive into the waters and find clues hidden in beautiful large clams. It was at this time that I started to get really annoyed with the Female Model. She was all crying ‘Help me .. help me…’ and when the Male Chimp went to help her, she shooed him away. wtf? Hmm anyway, they then had to climb up a really high limestone cliff to get their clue. And what is up with them not knowing what “Vertigo” means? First ’scarab’, now ‘vertigo’? I thought English was their mother tongue? Sheesh. Very de memalukan.

Team Models managed to overtake Team Chimp at the Roadblock and finished number one and number two respectively for this leg of the race. Team Moms were the third to arrive at the roadblock, but the physically demanding task was clearly an advantage for Team Satan, who were far more younger and athletic than them. At this point, we also get to hear some words of wisdom from the Female Satan : “It’s all about karma. What goes around comes around”. LOL. She was of course referring to Team Chimp getting what they deserve for yielding them. But did she forget that she was the one who tried to ‘yield’ Mirna and Charla at the airport doorway several weeks ago? And her nosedive at the Calgary airport was just exactly the karma that she was talking about. Remember Dennis? At the pier? On day one? Male Satan tripped Dennis, and that nosedive was payback, bitch.

Team Moms were screwed when Team Satan got into their kayak (oh how I long for the days when I used to go kayaking and swallowing the muddy water of the Muar River) heading to the next pitstop. I was actually moved when Team Moms got eliminated (I have a heart, who knew?). I think they are the team that has achieved the most out of this race. And if you put all the Females in the Top 4 teams altogether, Linda and Karen deserves the award for Best Female Racers. Female Chimp, Female Satan and Female Model had almost zilch share of the work throughout this race. I know I’m going to sound like a male chauvinistic pig, but it’s true. Their efforts were nothing compared to Linda’s and Karen’s cause they always have their male counterparts to rely on. That’s why I have the utmost respect for Team Cousins, Team Twins and especially Team Moms for finishing where they finished in their leg of the race. As long as Amazing Race have these kinds of very physically demanding PITSTOP, there probably won’t ever be an All Female winning team. So a very big kudos to Team Moms. You have certainly make Moms the world over very proud.

Anyway, back on track. The Final three teams then had to fly out from Manila to Calgary, Canada. Upon reaching the Continental Divide (and after constant whines by the Female Model and Female Satan), they then had to move to the Canada Olympic Park, where there was a detour of doing a luge or biking down a slalom course. Again, is it just me, or is the Female Model extra annoying this episode. Honest to God, she reminds me a lot of Flo (of Flo and Zach) that I was starting to worry that they might win the race. First of all, she yells at the Male Model.. “You make the decision!”. Then she cries like a baby, complaining that her bike is too tall/brakes not working/i’m too sexy for mountain bikes. After they retraced their track and performed the luge, she had to go all prissy again and bitterly whine “I wanted to do the luge” and poor Male Model had to go “yeah yeah it’s all my fault again bla bla”, which was very Zach-like.

Anyway, all the teams managed to finish their courses and it was then a race to the final destination city - Dallas, Texas. Team Satan and Team Models booked the earlier flight but somewhere along the way, it seemed that the Female Chimp (who finally did something that directly contributes to the outcome of their race) discovered that that flight was delayed, so they got the next best flight, edging them to the front of the two teams.

Lots of airport and flight booking chaos ensued (Teams Satan and Team Models said they just wanted to “leave their bags”? Hello? You think people would be extra cautious and extra aware of the post 9/11 security measures, but you’d be wrong. Ignorant is the perfect word, Male Satan), but everyone reached Dallas within a few minutes of each other. The final maze challenge was very interesting, but if there’s one thing that I can’t do, it’s giant mazes like that. I think I would just freak out.. I’m claustrophobic like that. But anyway, once Team Chimp unlocked their final clue, it was all over (I didn’t buy the stuck-in-traffic drama).

Team Chimp wins Amazing Race 5, with Team Satan in second place. It was a sweet sweet moment. It was even sweeter when the Male Chimp yelled out “Come on, twins!” and giving their ex-nemesis a hug after the win (you can also see that the Twins were visibly happy that Team Chimp won the race).

All in all, it was a really great season. Interesting characters, evil villains, likeable winners, exotic locations, outrageous challenges.. is there any other thing that you can ask for more? Well, maybe just one thing. Amazing Race 6. Bring it on! October just can’t come too soon. See you in a couple of weeks, Mr Keogan.