Culturally Preconditioned

Amazing Race : Family Edition - Episode 1

That was probably one of the best Amazing Race premier ever. The thought of having 40 .. that’s FORTY people on the show is just too much for me. And to add to all the confusion and chaos, what better way than to start the race in the busiest city on the planet. That is just sheer brilliance.

I was and still am very iffy about having kids on the show. It disgusts me to the very core. And I’m not even sure if I’m more disgusted at the kids themselves (what the hell are they trying to prove? They’re not even of legal age) or at the parents for subjecting their children to national public ridicule. Whatever. Kids suck. If you think for a split second I’m going to spare these kids from my Harshness with a capital ‘H’ and go ‘awww they are so cute’ - you’re dead fucking wrong. People who whore themselves out in reality shows are fair game to being ridiculed. Let’s just be thankful I’m not doing any commentaries on Mencari C*p*t, shall we?

The challenges were interesting (except for the Hot Dog bits - $10 says that the two vendors are CBS staff) and I am psyched that their final destination for this leg of the race was Lancaster. Yeah, I know.. the Lancaster in Amishland, not in England, but still. And from next week’s preview, why do I get the feeling that this whole season will center around America’s ‘historical and geographical’ sites and events because it’s a family edition? Give me a fucking break.

Since there’s still too many people on this show, I’m going to break them down into smaller segments to make things easier, in order of favourability (These teams might be rearranged accordingly as the show progresses).

The HIT list

1. The Linz family - They had me during the first 5 minutes of their introduction where the big brother preaches about being independent bla bla, and the younger brother quipped “Shut up Alex. You still live at home”. Haha.. that had me laughing. I was psyched to see them lead the race and am so so glad to see them still in the race. I guess I like them cause they’re the only all-siblings team. Had me thinking what it would be like if my brother and twin sisters and me would join the race. We would totally kill each other. I love their banters and they certainly look like they’ll offer us viewers a lot of DUH moments. That should be fun.

2. The Aiello family - I like em. I’m not sure what it was but they certainly left a good impression on me. It sucks that they dropped down from 1st place to 8th place though. They all seemed good natured and very down to earth. Plus their surname makes me hungry.

3. The Godlewski family - I didn’t really like them earlier in the game.. especially with them sporting those annoyingly bright pink shirts! I didn’t realise they were all sisters until after the show (the gap between the youngest and eldest sister is 16 years) so.. yay for another all-siblings team. And they ended up getting first place which meant they gotta be doing something right. But I really could do without hearing the four desperate housewives multi orgasmic screeching when they arrived at the pitstop.

4. The Bransen family - They didn’t register much on my radar last night, but it’s always fun to see a daughters and father team.

5. The Rogers family - Ditto with the Bransens. But I always have a soft spot for folks from Louisiana,

The SHIT list

6. The Schroeder family - They fall on the shit list just because of the comment super dad made about having ‘crippled kids just so that they can use them to stop traffic’. What a magnificent asshole. I like the mom and the kids though.

7. The Weaver family - The boy with the platinum blonde hair is totally freaking me out. He seriously looks like one of the extras from the Village of the Damned movies. I do not like this family. Something about them just creeps me the fuck out. The multiple shots of the girl driving the van with one leg up on the seat were seriously disturbing. And with the mom preaching every 2 seconds.. *shudder* I think I’m gonna move on to the next shit list team.

8. The Gaghan family - Ohmagahd I HATE THIS TEAM. I HATE THEM SO MUCH. They are so the All-American Family team. Strong husband, motherly wife, perfect son, cute daughter. Oh get the fuck away from me already. Oh you know, this kind of family. Think Bree Van Der Kemp from Desperate Housewives, but this time, the father, daughter and son are like her too. Fake and annoying. Oh look at us, so perfect. Model family of the century. I was just about ready to throw my remote to the tv screen when the son ‘neener’ed the Aiello family.

The totally SHIT list

9. The Paolo family - How can you not totally hate this family? The sons are beyond fucking rude. I’m no angel myself, but to be that rude to your own mother on national tv? God, what a bunch of motherfuckers. Assholes. And the father just sits there in fucking silence? And the mother is partly to blame too. You know your sons are two A-class bastards, and yet you still want to be shown on tv with them? Urghh.. fucking twats all of them.

The MISS list

The Black family. When Phil announced them as ‘the Black family’, I was like “Nu-uh.. brutha didn’t just call them that did he?”. Silly me. Black, as it truned out, was their actual surname. I liked this family. Their kids didn’t seem as obnoxious or know-it-all, and the parents were kinda laid back. However, I’m kinda glad they’re gone now since I don’t have to ridicule the two kids (one of which reminds me a lot of Walt from Lost). For what it’s worth, the Black family was originally number 3 on my list.

And with the elimination of the Black family, the Amazing Race, just like Survivor Guatemala, is now dubbed the Whites Edition.