Culturally Preconditioned

Amazing Race : Family Edition - Episode 4

If you’re not that enthusiastic about this season’s Amazing Race, don’t worry. You’re not in the minority. Generally, 80% of the people that I know feels just meh about this season. Is it because it’s the Family Edition? I am still very iffy about the whole family edition concept, but I really thank my lucky stars that the rumour Rupert’s family was going to be on it, turned out to be just that - a rumour. Or is it because it seemed like a long-assed history documentary program on America? Who knows. Next week’s previews showed that the teams will finally leave the States. But if I don’t know any better, I’d say they’re just going to Canada. Pfft. Or could it be that the challenges this season are incredibly lame? Visit a trailer park? The world’s biggest office chair? L A M E.

But good news for us! The Amazing Race is coming to Asia! Following the footsteps of Fear Factor, Asians will finally be able to take part in Amazing Race. W00t! (but if one of the pitstops happen to be the World’s Tallest Pencil in Subang Jaya, then.. I honestly don’t know what to say). When I first heard the news, I immediately told my friends to stop all her plans and start making an audition video with me. We missed the audition deadlines for Explorace, so if we miss the deadline for the actual Amazing Race, that would be a major bummer. However, this was what my friend replied in my mail to her :

Sempoa betul, si amoi ni. But she certainly have a valid point. That bitch. Plus, if I were to make it on the show, I’m pretty certain 90% of my airtime will be bleeped out because of excessive use of expletives and cussing. I’m still gonna bug her to do the video though.

So.. back to the show.. the highlights for me were definitely the super awesome Party Bike (which reminded me of the Zorb they featured in the 5th Amazing Race) and the beautiful bridge spanning across Lake Pontchartrain in New Orleans (which reminded me of the beautiful bridge over Key West in Florida.

The HIT list

1. The Linz family - They still remain my favourite team. You can tell that they’re in this race for fun, and they couldn’t care less if they were eliminated (which is the same reason why I adore King Apathy Jamie - fuck this shit.. I am beyond this stupid show to care). They’ve proven they’re not the brightest of bulbs when they opted to go play blackjack instead of sawing the log when obviously they have the brawns for. I still like them despite their duhness.

2. The Bransen family - This team is the shiznits! The came in first place last week (and won a lifetime supply of fuel for each person - they are SOOOOOO gonna get laaid) and they pulled through again this week. THey have certainly exceeded my expectations and so far, I don’t really have anything negative to say about this team (which is rare for reality show contestants). ps. people may think that a lifetime supply of fuel is more than the million dollar prize itself, but it’s really not. RM 200 a month x 12 months x 30 years only comes up to about RM 76,000. It’s still a lot, but not as much as the grand prize itself. And those girls are still gonna get laid.

ohmigod.. I just realised that there are only two teams left that I want to root for.

The SHIT list

3. The Godlewski family - I’m back to not liking these ladies so much. Well actually they are a borderline case between the HIT and the SHIT list. But the whole “But I wanna bring my backpack - *cry* *weep* *wail* *selfpity*” drama was too extra H O R M O N A L for me to take in.

4. The Gaghan family - Will wonders never cease? Never have I thought that this team would rank so high up in my list. Maybe I’m just feeling a tad sorry for them since they came in second last in the last two legs of the race. Nah. The kids are not as annoying this week so there’s not much to say really. Super Dad had a comment this episode (paraphrasing) : “I can’t imagine how it’s like for a 9-year old to take part in this race”. But (not) surprisingly, he had no qualms whatsoever to include his offsprings in this race. Selfish bastard. Oooh and I just remembered why the Gaghans are ranked pretty high up. Snotty little princess had a wonderful quote “I don’t like this trailer. It’s eeeeevil”. That actually had me laughing. That also proved that this family obviously have their own opinions on people living in trailer parks.. so that kinda proved they are not really all that perfect. Two second last finishes in two legs. Here’s hoping third time’s a charm, eh?

5. The Paolo family - Oh I still hate them with the burning passions of Hell. But they surprised me for pulling off a great race this week. 2nd place is not too shabby for an everlasting arguing family. AND the younger brother had TWO great quotes this week.. the first one, you can see in this week’s blog quote (that was so funny) and the second one actually made perfect sense : “DJ (older brother) and Mom keeps arguing all the time because they’re the same person”. It’s true if you think about it.

The totally SHIT list

6. The Weaver family - OHMIGOD. Freaks of nature much?? They were pretty laidback this episode but their behaviour from last week’s episode still have that “what in holy fuck?” affect on me, and thus earning them the place on my totally SHIT list (and probably will till the end of the season). The weird twirling dance thingy from last week was crazy. They are crazy. Just flipping crazy. And they even make crazed Evangelist preachers look sane.

The MISS list

The Schroeder family - Is it just me or does the Dad look like a meatier and older version of Phil Keogan? Anyway, the Schroeders were in my HIT list for the past two weeks. The daughter came off sounding like a major B I A T C H. Stop bitching how much a minute or a second counts. We fucking get it. The dad was uber dumb for not getting to the right place even though he worked near the area before, but I have to give him credit to admitting his mistake. And it was a little heartbreaking to see them eliminated in their home town and weeks later, were hit by Katrina. I read somewhere they lost most of their possessions due to the catastrophe so my heart goes out to them.

Also on the MISS list from the previous two weeks.

The Rogers family - Also a family from Louisiana, but they were not that affected as the Schroeders. The dad totally came off as a dick in the episode where they were eliminated, not admitting his mistake and blaming his son when it really was his mistake that led them to their downfall.

The Aiello family - I hate the fact that the Gaghans beat them to the pitstop. They were a great family but they totally screwed up on the mud jeep challenge. Now we’re left with the OTHER Italian family. God help us.