Culturally Preconditioned

Sorry, but I’m still reeling from the fact that I (along with my 3 other cousins and my penpal’s daughter) share the same birthday with Simon Cowell. Before I jump into things, let me just thank the powers that be that Paula’s horrid hair is no longer on the air.

Patrick - Come To My Window by Melissa Etheridge
Oh my. This song brings back horrid memories of the big mouthed girl who keeps trying to swallow the microphone from last season’s Top 24. And why are “Patrick’s Friends” look like his grandparents? His performance was just alright to me. A 7.

David - Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen (oh yes, it’s true)
I always thought crooners like David here can only get so far in the competition. But it was a really good song choice for him, and I’ll be damned but I was actually entertained by his performance. Paula actually made some sense tonight. I thought it was really really good, and this was really unexpected. An 8.5 , but I suppose his novelty will eventually wear off for me within the next 2 or 3 weeks if he survives that long.

Bucky - Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd
This is gonna be debatablebut I don;t see an iota of Idol quality in Yucky. And his performance was pitifully average. Keeping it real? He sounds like a bumbling idiot to me. A generous 4.

Will - I Want You Back by Jackson Five
Didn’t Nikki Palikat sing this song? Oh that was awesome. David didn’t come off as good as I thought he would be. His performance was very boyband material. And he looks like my annoying as ex-housemate to boot. Eww. A 5.

Sway - Reasons by Earth, Wind and Fire
Paula, sit your fucking ass down. Why on earth was she giving a standing ovation to this crapola? Ohmigod. To hell with falsettos and shits. I don’t think the average viewer would give two shits about that performance. I think he made my ears bleed a little. Damn you, suwey. A 3.

Chris - Wanted, Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi
Wow. He was as good as I thought he would be. That was good, and I don’t even like Bon Jovi that much. And dude, his burns are simply fucking awesome. A solid 8.

Kevin - One Last Cry by Brian McKnight
Pleasant voice but his nerves really showed. It was kind of disappointing actually. I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but Camille Velasco sounded so much better with this song. He doesn’t deserve to be in the Final 12, but I’m sure people are gonna find him adorable (*gag*) and send him their votes. The cheek-pinching is beyong annoying, by the way. He’s 16, not 6. A 5.5

Gedeon - Shout by Otis Day and the Knights
Between his preaching tone and his perpetual cheesy grin, I swear he’s a perfect candidate for a fucking politician. I thought he sounded quite good, and a big bonus for him for not running out of breath during the entire thing. Yes, it was good, but he seems a tad retarded though with that cheshire cat smile. A 7.5

Elliot - If You Really Love Me by Stevie Wonder
Monkey Boy.. I love him. He also kinda remind me of an Evil Leprechaun with that cheeky face. He’s pretty hard on the eyes* but boy, that was excellent, Elliot. Excellent. He gets a solid 10 from me. The song showcased his voice range wonderfully. And every Elliot victory is a shot down for the Brittenum twin fuckers. A note to Semencrust : What you do in your own time is your business, but stop touching monkey boy and trying to undress him on stage. (* MonkeyBoy may be hard on the eyes, but as someone pointed out, Chris Fucking Martin from Coldplay managed to sell millions of albums, so there’s still hope yet for this guy)

Bobby - Copacabana by Barry Manilow
Ohmigod. Can he get any more camp? Dying grandma or not, I really think Copacabana is the worst song choice ever. It’s like watching an embarassing drunken uncle at a wedding reception, but only worse. For all we know, he could be this year’s candidate for VFTW (Vote For The Worst).. and you all know, how great that turned out to be. She won! Blobby for VFTW 2006!!! A 2. And stop arguing with the judges and shut the fuck up, Semencrust.

Ace - Father Figure by George Michael
I don’t get what all the extra fuss is about. Is he supposed to be the token hunk this season? Well, I’m just not getting what his appeal is. Sure he can sing, but I thought he was just okay. I wonder how many people know what the song is really about. Hahaha. And Ace, do me a favour and stop eye-fucking the camera. Please let it die with Constantine a.k.a. CumStainedTeeth already. Thanks in advance. A 7.5

Taylor - Levon by Elton John
Wow. I really love his tone. That was really really good. That’s all I have to say. An 8.5

Overall, tonight was definitely a better show than yesterday’s. I’m still surprised that David’s performance impressed me, considering the fact that I’ve always been kind of against the idea of crooners being on this show.

My Top Three Picks : Monkey Boy Elliot, Taylor, David

My Bottom Two Picks : Blobby, Suwey

Golden nugget of the night : “You’re like Clay Aiken, only likeable” ~ Simon Cowell. ROFLMAOASTC.