Culturally Preconditioned

E-Filling deadline extension

Again.. what message are we delivering to Malaysians? That it is okay to procastinate things and not be punctual. The police department have exercised this by giving deadline extensions when it comes to paying summons (and even rewarding them with discounts for paying late, WTF?), now the Inland Revenue Board is following suit by giving a one-month extension for the public to submit their taxes via e-Filling.

I’m a big hypocrite (oh like you don’t already know that) cause I’m no stranger to getting deadline extensions. You only need to ask my editor, and she will definitely vouch for that. It’s one of my major weaknesses but that’s a different matter…

Giving deadlines like these to the general public is just making the people getting more accustomed to the ‘Tidak Apa’ attitude. Teaching the public to be non-punctual in paying their taxes/fines is really just the Malaysian thing to do. If their reason behind this was people need time to learn how to use e-Filling, then they should’ve started to implement this system earlier, instead of giving out extensions.

Speaking of being non-punctual, I read a letter sent in by a reader to The Star a few days back, bitching about how she is constantly being ‘bullied’ by drivers who drive at top speed. She ended the letter with “after all, isn’t it better to reach your destination late, than a million light years early?”. NO IT’S NOT YOU STUPID FOOL. The right saying is “better late than never”. I’m not condoning to driving at top speed to get to your destination on time, just leave early so that you can reach ther on time. How she’s implying that it’s okay to be late (instead of being early) just shows the slacking attitude that we have when it comes to punctuality.

$4000 is worth it for Mawi

Don’t people know how to put their money to good use? I mean, seriously, this person spends $4000 to go on tour with Mawi and spend like a few minutes in person with him. Okay, I can’t fault her for being a fanatic, cause if I had $4000 to spend, I wouldn’t hesitate to watch the Stereophonics in concert either. The rest of the article was also quite funny, with her explaining she bought tons of Mawi CDs, one in her kitchen, one the living room, one in EACH bedroom (wtf?), one for her car. LOL But what made me laugh out loud was how she commented that Mawi should improve his PR skills, and also improve the way he walks (major WTF?). And she rambled on explaining that “maybe his mother didn’t bound his legs properly when he was a child”. Seriously WTFROFLMAOASTC. I know I’m super-critical myself, but I can’t believe they’d publish such statements in the newspaper. I mean, I can’t understand if this was publish in Harian Metro or the Malay Mail but this is the fucking STAR for crying out loud.

LPF Moving With The Times

The ancient times, maybe. The National Film Censorship Board have decided to be ‘more open’ and tolerable to new films by not adapting to strict defined rules as is currently being practised by Iran (can’t they use Iraq as an example instead?). The flaw in this is that the subject of being banned or not still falls in a really grey area, an area which are governed by old foggies who don’t know shit from shite.

They can say all they want in the press by trying to look favourable, but we all know what they’re like and how they think. I will never give these folks the benefit of the doubt. Surely they must know that they are indirectly promoting movie piracy in our country.

So what are the absolute no-nos for now? (1) homosexual themes - which is understandable, although they must’ve not registered the not so subtle lesbian theme that went on in Gol & Gincu, not that I’m complaining, of course. The dimmer they are in understanding the movie, the better. (2) Nudity - as long as it doesn’t take away the plot of the movie, I’m fine with it since I already get enough of them from internet pop-ups at home. (3) Swear words - “shit’, “son of a bitch” and “fuck” are absolutely prohibited, although my mind boggled as to how “cunt” was clearly heard in the cinema during V for Vendetta. Perhaps, the people there should get a fornicating dictionary.

Yes, I understand that we all have to maintain our culture and values, but for copulating’s sake, give us viewers some credit. We GET that it’s merely entertainment and not some sort of brainwash session that makes us want to engage in coitus the moment we step out of the cinema. We Not Bodoh, ya?
Gubra is too controversial

Now this article was taken from the Sun, but I think it deserves a mention. Some people *cough*RajaAzmi*cough* really does need to GIVE IT A MOTHERINTERCOURSING REST. They need to stop getting out of their way to find faults with Yasmin Ahmad’s film. My GOD! This is the worst case of sour grape I have ever seen. Ni la yang dikatakan “Melayu sendiri dengki kat Melayu.. macam mana nak maju”.

Apparently there was a forum or a debate or some turd on the television discussing how inappropriate the movie Gubra was, as it tends to give out the wrong message to Muslim viewers. Female dog, please. Now, I didn’t really enjoy Gubra because I thought it was ‘too deep’. I didn’t find the movie preachy at all, so I wouldn’t worry that regular movie viewers were gonna be swayed by the movie just because they’ve seen the movie. In any case, the arguments that they made was beyond silly.

(1) “A pious wife would not allow her husband to cook” - Now what kind of a bloody idiotic mentality is that? Does she really how mind numbingly stupid is that. I mean, I’m a guy and even I am offended by that statement. If I was of the female persuasions, I’d cut off my right breast and smack it up the head .. maybe that’ll knock some sense into her.

(2) “The guy isn’t fit to be a bilal because he is friendly with prostitutes” - I’m sorry.. was the bilal laying down red carpets from the prostitute’s house to the sex parlour? Again, these are the kind of folks who condone discrimination. They might as well be wearing a Ku Klux Klan robe during the interview. Discrimination, either racial, sexual orientation or otherwise, is just simply vile and it sickens me greatly. They must also have never heard of the Islamic saying of ‘If you can’t prevent it with actions, prevent it with words. If you can’t prevent it with words, prevent it with your heart’.

(3) “It was confusing for Malay Muslims when Orked, a pious Malay girl could fall in love with a Chinese kaffir who was a criminal” - I mean.. how fucking stupid and shallow can you be? I have no words to say to people who can even issue such a statement. What was wrong with falling in love with someone of a different race/religion? What in the hell is so un-Islamic about that? Falling in love, not sleeping with. There is a difference, people. The only thing that I thought was taken a bit too far was when Adibah Noor made that comment about cheese (but it sure did make me laugh).

To come out and argue this over the air (granted that the show was on RTM1 which has a total viewership of 15) just shows how silly and spiteful people can be. I mean, honestly, how stupid can people be?

All these things are so bloody Malaysian wan. tsk tsk tsk…

edited to add :  I just got back from watching the horror movie Fragile starring Calista Flockhart and I had counted 2 “shit”s, 2 “fucking”s and 8 “fuck”s unfiltered from the movie. Well done, LPF.

Blah blah blah Andrea Borcelli blah blah David Foster blah blah blah Paula actually making relevant comments blah blah what the fuck is going on blah blah.

Katharine - I Have Nothing

Whoa.. mucho cleavage alert. She looks stunning as usual. Her voice sounded strained in parts but it’s a Whitney song, can you blame her? Overall I liked it but it was far from her best. A 7.

Elliott - A Song For You

Elliott is simply great. I think I’ve seen better performances from him. I wasn’t as moved or overwhelmed as some people claim based on this performance but this was still really good. An 8.

Kellie - Unchained Melody

It’s true what my friend said. Whenever Kellie speaks, she somehow manages to dumb you down too. It’s true - you can feel a few of your IQ points slipping away everytime you see or hear her on the television. Her performance was horrid and time does indeed go by so slowly during this song. A 4.

Paris - Memories (?)

She sounds super annoying with her singing and I just wanted to bitchslap her all the way through. The performance sucks big time. And both her talking and singing voice annoyed the hell outta me this week. A 3.

Taylor - Just Once

His outstretched hands looks like Karam Walia Singh la pulak. I like thi ssong but his voice didn’t do much for me this time around. It was just terribly average. A 5

Chris - Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman

He is a very good looking son of a bitch, that I’ll admit but vocal-wise he is far from great. I think I know what’s his problem is. He is afraid to show emotions when he’s singing, which was apparent from his expressions when he sung ‘What A Wonderful World’ last week. I am really getting tired of his one-dimensional angst ridden expressions week in week out. And he’s just learning how to sing from his diaphragm instead of his throat? What in holy fuck? Shouldn’t all singers know how to do that? The judges are pimping him way too hard. That performance was completely and utterly shite. A 4.

And a note to the producers. : Please no more goddamn rockers on any Idols show. These rockers should grow a pair of balls and audition for real rock shows if they really need to. Have some dignity you fucking pieces of sell-outs.

Top Two - Elliott, Katharine (Taylor does not deserve to be in the ‘top’ group this week)

Bottom Three - Paris, Chris, Kellie

Leaving tomorrow - Paris (you all know Kellie and Chris will be the Final Two this year, right?)

Golden nugget of the week : “I think that deserved tears but for a very different reason” ~ Simon Cowell to Kellie Picklar on her really bad performance.

I got bored and found this online quiz.. which I thought was quite interesting seeing I’m such a Losthead.

You scored as Locke. You’re Locke! People underestimate you, but you know you can do anything you want to. You hate limits being put on your life - you don’t like it when people don’t believe in you. Boone 69% Shannon 69% Locke 69% Claire 63% Kate 56% Hurley 56% Charlie 56% Sun 50% Jin 50% Sayid 38% Michael 31% Jack 25% Sawyer 19% Who is your “Lost” alter ego? created with QuizFarm.com

Can’t be surprised that I’m like Locke and Boone.. but Shannon? Well.. maybe because of the bitchy factor I threw in. LOL. Jack shoulda been the last on my list. I absolutely loathe that character.

Who is YOUR Lost alter ego?

Oh… and this is the absolute most entertaining piece of reality tv I have ever seen. Ni baru la dikatakan NAIK HANTU..

(Tyra Banks. All hell breaks loose on next top model!)

I’ve seen some ridiculous reality shows on television, but I’m not sure if anything’s gonna beat this. I’ve read this some time ago, but it totally slipped my mind until I saw the paper advertisement in The Star today. You know, they initially had plans for a reality show to choose the nation’s first Astronaut? What was the show supposed to be called again.. Angkawasan Malaysia or summat? Anyway, I don’t know who knocked some senses into these people, but they’ve decided to scratch the show.  Well this new show probably will rank up the same on the stupidity barometer.

Get this.. Akademi al-Quran : The reality show in search for the best Qari and Qariah in Quran recital.

You know, I don’t have anything against finding the best Qari and Qariah, but to turn it into a reality show? Big mistake. Boy, people seriously need to stop coming up with these fucking lame concepts. They think turning everything into a reality show will be a quick cash cow for them, but what they’re actually doing is really destroying the reality show genre.

The true concept of reality shows, in my opinion, is to bring out the ugly side of people - the drama. That’s what makes it so interesting. It’s true. If there’s no drama, it’s merely a competition. That’s why I thought the concept of Malaysia’s Most Beautiful is the most ironic and most stupid concept for a tv show if there ever was. There is NOTHING beautiful about a reality show. Nothing. If you’re trying to find the outer beauty, well there’s already all these pageants and shits, but what they were going for was to find outer and inner beauty. Inner beauty my ass. They are all guilty of media whoring themselves on tv in the first place, so there is nothing humble or beautiful about that.

But back to Akademi Al-Quran. Don’t they already have tahfiz competitions all year round? Is that not enough? Why must you scutinize these talented people and go into their personal lives and turn it into a fricking reality show? Why? Viewers will not be judging them based on their talents as a Qari or Qariah, but since it is a reality show, they will also judge on a more personal basis. Why put these people through this?

I know many television viewers have been commenting that the tv stations keep coming up with the same lame concept of finding the best singer, best entertainer and whatnots, but  I tell you, this is just plain ridiculous. I can see this thing being very pretentious, taking a religious concept and using the ugly reality show vehicle to fulfil their selfish marketing agenda. Fuck this.

I know it’s unfair for me to judge the show before actually seeing it, but if you understand the concept of reality television, you’ll probably understand why this is a really really bad idea. For all I know, I could be totally wrong about this, but I’m not gonna stay around to even give it a chance so it’s unlikely I will change my mind on this topic.

And that is my rant for the day. Thank you. *steps off podium*

Hang on a sec, isn’t Rod Stewart British? I don’t care much for Rod, although I do like his cover of ‘Handbags and Gladrags’ - the theme song used by The Office, and also a Number 4 hit for the Stereophonics. And I could’ve sworn the guy dancing with him in the rehearsals was Taye Diggs!

Chris - What A Wonderful World

I actually thought he was the one sitting on the stairs holding the guitar, that would impress the hell out of me, but I was wrong. His singing was, well.. shit, and with that perpetual dead pan, angst ridden expression of his, I still think he’’s way overrated and people are only voting for him cause they’re wishing to get into his pants. Come on, you know that’s the truth. A 5.

Omarosa Bennett - Foolish Things

She kicks ass in this genre, there’s no denying that. But I don’t see people rushing out to buy her jazz album any time soon though. Listening to her sing a song might be pleasant, but listerining her singing an entire album like that would just drive me crazy. An 8.

Taylor - You Thrill Me

The song was kinda boring but I thought Taylor sang that one quite well. Unlike the judges, however, I did not car emuch for his ending. Still, I would give that performance a 7.5

Elliot - It Had To Be You

I know I’m rehashing my comments but seriously, Elliot is the best male vocalist on AI ever. I thought it was kind of funny when Simon mentioned he lacked personality, and had nothing but praises for Tin Man Chris and his empty hollow heart. I sure hope Simon was trying to pull pity votes for Elliot to stay out of the bottom three this week. A 9.5

Kellie - Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

OMG Stupid stupid dumbass country hick. When you think she can’t be any stupider, she does. I would lpve it if she wnis this show, cause that will truly show what kind of person Americans would want to idolize. Not only her personality is annoying, she also sucks at singing. I absolutely loved the shot where Simon laid down his head on the table in frustration when Kellie was singing. You go win this thing, bitch. A 3.5

Ace - Can’t remember, can’t be bothered (not the actual song title)

And I thought all men would look much better with short hair. Boy, did Ace prove me wrong. He looks smarmier than ever with that bun on his head. I don’t even want to bother with his singing and his fucking falsettos. A 2.

Katharine - Someone to Watch Over Me

Katharing McPhee, will you marry me? The many, many camera close-ups really did her justice. My God. Wow. Major awesomeness, dude. I love her. I love her little giggles and spontaneousness during all her performances. That was flawless. A 10. And kudos to Paula for the shout out to Mr Holland’s Opus - best teacher movie ever. Remind me to go get the DVD. Great movie, Superb soundtrack.

Top Three - Katharine, Elliot, Me (I don’t care, I want this threesome)

Bottom Three - Ace, Kellie, Chris

Going out - Ace

Golden nugget : “I don’t think you can sing that song, cause I’m singing it tomorrow” ~ Rod Stewart to Katharine.

… write-ups, I mean.

I make a lot of comments on Idol shows, because for one, personally I can’t sing shit if my life depended on it, and you know my mantra, “Those Who Can’t Do, Bitch (not teach)”.

I write Survivor commentaries because of the exact opposite reason. I know that if I ever get on a Survivor show, I will be a terrific player. Call me cocky and arrogant, but I know I can and will win the game, seriously. I’m a student of the game, I’m devious, strategic, sly and have no morals whatsoever - the perfect recipe to becoming a Survivor winner.

But when it comes to the Apprentice, I am a little hesitant. Partly because each and everyone of us is working our asses off to earn a living, so what goes on in the Apprentice is actually applicable to our daily jobs. Granted that I probably will never rank anywhere near Trump’s standard, but the show actually does give useful insights and practical lessons that we can apply on a day to day basis.

But most of all, I don’t really like to comment much because I have seen mistakes that I have made in my real life situation that I would be fired a million times over. And I am afraid that making such comments on these highly qualified candidates will only bite me in the ass for real.

However, having just downloaded and watched episodes 1-4 of Season Five (I fucking quit both ntv7 and tv3 ages ago who don’t really care what the viewers want to see) , I am compelled to write this post.

Never in my life have I such a disdain for a team from a reality tv show. I mean, seriously, Gold Rush.. what the fuck? First up, the mensa bullshit? Who the hell cares? I’m a mensa member, but I honestly think the only people who’s smarter than these so-called people who are in the Top 2 percentile of IQs in the world, are people who can’t be bothered to subscribe to the stupid membership and save them the annual membership fee. I mean, what are you gonna do with it, “Oh look at me, here’s my mensa membership card”. I’ll shove the card in your snotty ass in a heartbeat, I will.

Then there was also the whole team smack talking the shit out of a member of their own team behind her back. What the fuck? That is so fucking juvenile.. what are you? In fucking high school? Talk to the hand, bitches. And then the whole thing about the two jewish guys taking a break to ‘observe their jewish holiday’? Oh come on already. Giving them a free pass by not participating at all in the task? What the FUCK? And to top it off, they had the fucking nerve to rag on the only jewish guy who didn’t take the break and actually did a lot of work on the task? I can’t fucking believe it. And what’s up with the shouting, Bryce, you shit of a prickhole?

And don’t even get me started on Brent (even though he’s on the Synergy team). Calling him a big fat obnoxious annoying pig would be an insult to pigs everywhere. Seriously.So far four episodes down, and I like Michael, Andrea and the Russian dude. Now that Lost is on hiatus for the next two weeks, I might be able to catch up on the Apprentice.

ps. I have totally given up on this season’s Amazing Race, sorry.

Urgh… Queen.. how boring. They might as well have a Guns N Roses theme next time. No wait. Didn’t we already cover that in the first season of Malaysian Idol. Nevermind.

Bucky - Fat Bottomed Girl
What a great tribute to Mandisa who left the show last week (I was surprised that my prediction came true.. and yes, it was because of her flabby arms flailing about). Bucky’s getting more and more comfortable on stage. I thought it was one of his best performances yet, but it still wasn’t good enough. A 6.

Ace - We Will Rock You
He wanted to change the arrangements for the song? Who the fuck does he think he is? JD Fucking Fortune? Brian May shutting down his proposed arrangement (twice) on national tv was definitely a highlight for me. The song is out of your comfort zone? He actually has a comfort zone? Ohmigod.. what a flipping trainwreck. I’m ashamed for him. A 2.

Kellie - Bohemian Rhapsody
Nevermind part of the performance was cut off on Astro, but you can always download them at rickey’s site but you’re not missing out on much. Well actually you have. LOLOLOL ROFLMAO at her dominatrix outfit, the country twang and everything else. OMG WTF ROFLMAO uncontrollably. That was fun to watch. “On pay-puh? What do ya mean on pay-puh?” MY GOD what amind numbing nincompoop. She really is the most idiotic, dumbest being that has ever been on a reality show.. EVER. Stupid dumb hick. A 1.5

Chris - Innuendo
Great. The same shit from the same singer. Stop selling out, get in a proper band and only then you’ll have my respect and support. Right now, he’s just a big sell out it’s pathetic. And Paula you idiotic biznitch, Queen >>>>>>>>>>> Chris (and I’m not even a fan of Queen). A 3.

Katharine - Who Wants To Live Forever
She reminded me of Jordis last night. It was not all that good. A borderline performance. Despite what the judges say (and me being a McPheever fan) there were some real bad parts. I still love her in spite of all her inconsistencies. A 5.5

Elliot - Somebody To Love
Goodness me. He looks exactly like Eminem in his DJ picture. Elliot loves to challenge himself with difficult songs and he never fails, even though it sounded like he was shouting the song all the way through. A 7.5

Taylor - Crazy Little Thing Called Love
His dancing was hideous but it was a real fun performance. I thought his dancing and seizures were gonna get old, but I was wrong. That was really an enjoyable performance. Best Taylor performance to date. A 9.

The Black Alias - The Show Must Go On
She is the love child of Gary Coleman and Rudy Huxtable. She tries too damn much that I honestly don’t know the real Paris (not that I really want to anyway). She tries too much that it’s really annoying, but that was a pretty strong performance. A 6.5

Top Three - Taylor, Elliot, Paris

Bottom Three - Acehole, Kellie, Chris

Going home - Please God let it be ACEhole.

Golden nugget of the night : “They don’t want it bastardized in any way” ~ Paula Abdul to Acehole (re: changing the arrangements to We Will Rock You” and “I don’t know whether to give you a recording contract or a stray jacket” ~ Paula Abdul to Taylor Hicks.

You know when you plug in your iPod into your computer, it will automatically launch iTunes and it displays all the mp3s that you have on your pod? Well, of course you do. What I didn’t know was that when I plug in my iPod to the computer at the office, I can automatically see other people and their playlists on the same LAN who’s using iTunes as well, and in turn they can see mine too.

I only realized this when I was minding my own business (ie. surfing non-business related websites) and I suddenly get this pop-up instant message from my colleague saying :

“Dude.. Westlife? What the Fuck, dude?”

And I was like.. wha? He then explained that he was browsing through my mp3s and saw a significant number of songs by Westlife in my pod. Westlife. A boy band, for fucks sake. Well, there was no escape for me, so I had to pretend as though I was not embarassed that I was just outed as a Westlife listener.

Truth of the matter is, I really do actually like Westlife. Truth of the matter is, I think the singer can sing extremely well. He really can. What’s his name.. Shane? The guy who’s always singing the solo bits. I think he’s a really excellent singer. Put him in any Idol competitions in any seasons, in any country and you’ll see what I’m talking about. He will put all of them to shame.

Boybands aren’t all that bad (yeah, I can’t believe I’m saying this), but I guess what gives them the bad name are their teeny-boppy music, corny lyrics, cheesy music videos and hideously annoying teenage and kiddies followers. But if you put all those away, there are actually some amazing singers in certain boybands (of course, this RARELY happens) and this Shane person is one of them.

Don’t believe me? Take listen to these two comparisons :

You Raise Me Up - Westlife (cover version - 5.9 Mb - Right click and Save As)

You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban (original version - 6.8 Mb - Right click and Save As)

Now how many times have we listened to people attempting a Josh Groban song? Quite a lot. And how many times have these people butchered the song. All the time. ALL THE TIME.. except this one exception. At first I thought he (the Westlife guy) was really good, but when I first heard their rendition of this song, it really helped confirm the fact that he is an exceptional singer.

We don’t get a lot of good male singers nowadays (I mean, look at the choices we have… Kanye West? Justin Timberlake? Robbie Williams? 50 Cent? Bitches, please) and when the very few comes our way, right under our noses, we are so quick to dismiss them just because they’re in a boyband. Another victim of this boyband curse is Bryan Abrams from Color Me Badd.

That said, I still won’t go out parading that I’m a huge fan of boybands, but I do make exceptions for good singers in a boy band (which only happens to be 3 or 4 in a billion anyway).So there.

I’ve been toying with the idea of writing up a weekly or monthly SHIT LIST since last year, and I’m not really sure why I didn’t do it until now. Anyway, here’s a start, something that I could easily come up with since I’ve been using the train almost daily. Top 10 Shit List of LRT Users.

10. People not giving up their seats for those who need it more

Of course this applicable to young and abled people. Although it sounds like a cliche, it still happens for real and there is absolutely no way to knock some sense into these scums of society. If they’re not pretending to sleep, they’re furiously typing SMS messages on their mobile. How these folks could be so thick skinned and turn a blind eye to those who need it more, I would never know.

9. People who bruise you and do not apologize

Of course, people in group 10 would lead to these next particular group of people. People who force and shove their way either into or out of the train. You can forget the ‘excuse me’s, they’d just push people out of their way and not look back. And since we’re still in this category, I’ve also had people sticking their backpacks, umbrellas, notebooks, elbows, and various other body parts into me like a pin cushion and them not saying anything about it. And don’t even get me started on people who step on my foot unapologetically.

8. People who sit on the floor

These group of people usually consist of annoying teenager, who take their place in the middle of the trains (the connecting standing area) and sit on the floor facing each other. Not only are they obstructing the path, they’re also taking up additional space that other passengers can use.

7. People who read newspaper standing up

Reading is good, but there is a time and place to do that. I can forgive people who read a paperback, standing in a train choke full of people (except those reading Malay teenage love crap and Mills & Boone nonsense), but not those who read newspapers. Most of the times, they’d have to extend their both their arms to read the newspaper. Hello? I do not need to get printed shit shoved into my face in an already crowded and stuffy train, thank you.

6. People who take their sweet time at the counter

These are the kinds of people who takes 5 minutes to ask which train stop they need to take. An additional 2 minutes to silently think. Another 3 minutes to purchase the ticket. 2 minutes to take out his/her money. 1 minute to get the ticket. And a final 5 minutes to take back the change and neatly arrange it back into his wallet/her purse. And of course, you’d be the one behind the person at the counter while hearing 3 trains go by on the platform. Oh, this group also applies to people who rush to the exit, and only then start looking for his exit ticket furiously in his pockets, wallets, bags etc.

5. People who talk loudly

There are two kinds of people. The first one is people who talk loudly on their mobile phone. There is a reason why I never answer phone calls during my daily 40-minutes commute to work (one-way). I don’t want everyone in the train to know my business. The same can’t be said for these people. The second one, are people who have loud conversations with anotehr person in the train (applicable to groups of people too). And the absolutely worse is when you are in between the two parties. Wait, no, the absolutely worse are the goddamn chatterboxes in the early morning commute (and I’m talking about the 630 am train here). Shut the fuck up, bitches.

4. People who jumps into the train after the warning signal has gone off

Nothing beats the kiasu-ness of these people. I bet the same people are the ones who press harder on their accelerator when the traffic light is already RED on the roads (yes, RED not amber) because their behaviour is the same. Not only they are endangering themselves (there have been reports in Japan, I think, of passengers getting caught on the train door and have body parts ripped off), but more importantly, they are delaying my journey by at least 15 seconds (you know how when a person accidentally blocks the doors when it is trying to close, it re-opens and holds a few more seconds before closing again) - but I personally have experienced a delay of at least 10 minutes because of such an incident. Just wait for the next train, idiot!

3. People who takes multiple little children during rush hour

I don’t know. Little kids annoy the shit out of me in crowded places. Especially in trains. Crowded trains. Jam packed trains during rush hour. Can’t these parents take their kids on the train anytime other than those hours? Are they stupid enough not to realise it is the rush hour? It would be a whole lot more convenient for them and the rest of the train users.

2. People with BO

Ohmigod. It’s always an embarassing situation when I have to take out my hanky and slowly breathe through it. I’m sorry but I don’t know how else to be subtle in such cases. And there is this one time, that I said to myself ‘fuck this’ and moved to a different (more crowded) part of the train. I can understand people sweating and stuff on it’s a scorching day, or after they’ve been exercising and stuff. But the one thing I can’t stand are people who reek like they haven’t showered for weeks for no obvious reason. Yuck.

1. People who jump queues

Is this a Malaysian thing? I just don’t get these idiots who see two physical queues on either side of the train entrance waiting to get in, but just stand right smack in the middle of the lane. What the fuck? Are they retarted, or just plain selfish? And of course, there are those on the sidelines who feel entitled to squeeze themselves into the front of the queues. Goddamn motherfuckers. Call me what you want, but I HAVE pushed and intentionally block these people from trying to cut their way into the front of the queues - makciks, pakciks, office workers (these are the absolute worst kind), teenagers, amois, leng chais, uncles, parents, brats blablabla (it’s really the entire demographic sample). I will, however, make an exception for blind and disabled people - although I have seen in many many cases blind people actually joining the queue. The queues are there for a reason. USE IT, YOU FUCKING MORON.

I am a little surprised how relatively quiet Gubra sneaked into our local theatres last night. There was virtually no hype surrounding the release of Yasmin Ahmad’s eagerly awaited follow-up to her mega successful Sepet. One can’t help but wonder if it’s related at all to the controversies (aka Sour Grapes Extraordinaires) surrounding her win during the last festival.

Anyway, most of us are aware that Gubra is not really a sequel to Sepet, although it does include recurring characters from the first movie. Gubra is two stories interwoven into one. One follows the familiar characters that we grew to love in Sepet, while the other follows a Bilal and his family and their interesting friendship with two prostitutes.

Orked’s story continues with her married life to an older man. The movie initially portrayed them as a loving couple, although eventually we find out everythingis not hunky dory in the land of Orked. When her father had a stroke (I think?) everyone gathered around the hospital, and Orked bumps into Jason’s older brother Alan (whose father is also warded at the same hospital). Their meeting unravelled what happened to Jason, her husband’s betrayal, and ultimately spiralled to Orked’s closure (in more than one way).

The new storyline that Yasmin introduced was of a Bilal and his loving and loyal wife. It also tells the couple’s relationship with two neighbours who works as prostitutes. Despite being pious Muslims, the couple shows no prejudice or discrimination towards their neighbours, and how they help each other in times of need.

One would think, there are no connections between the two. None of the characters from the two different stories interact actively with each other, but rather the story intertwines through the same theme of abondenment, betrayal, tolerance and love, and the parallels can be seen between the two. And interestingly enough, all the storylines in this movie goes on in pairs.

However, as much as I love Yasmin Ahmad and her works, I can’t help but think this is just a slightly more fancy, or a two-hour glorified version of Petronas advertisements. All the Yasmin trademark is there, the beautiful cinematography, the wicked script, the invited controversial scenes - and I love them all. But there just seems to be something lacking in this movie, despite the exceptional acting from Sharifah Amani.

Granted that it is not as lightweight as Sepet, Gubra was indeed filled with much humour and wit during the second half. There were more than a dozen times, I felt several scenes were dragged longer than necessary. I’m pretty sure it served a purpose in the storyline or the message of the movie, but I don’t get it. Talking about unnecessary, I really could’ve done without watching Adlin’s paunch and the inside thighs of Harith Iskandar, thank you. And without giving too many things away, I have to say, the movie ending (before the ending credits) was rather cheesy (not the kind Kak Yam was referring to).

It’s a bit ironic that Orked finally found closure in this movie, cause I’m not sure the general movie-goers will find theirs. I still feel something was missing. Did I not look hard enough? Am I trying too hard in analysing the movie when it really IS just a simple story? I don’t know. Will I recommend this movie to anyone? I can’t really say, the viewers will have to decide for themselves cause they might ’see’ something that I missed. One thing for sure though. It’s a hell lot better than the typical Malay thrash that they’ve been screening lately, that’s for sure.

Rating : B-