Culturally Preconditioned

Streamyx had some problems last night in the areas of Sabah, Sarawak, Klang Valley, Cheras, Shah Alam, USJ, Putrajaya bla bla bla and the helpline informed that they were gonna take several hours to rectify their fuck-ups, hence, this very late American Idol update.

It was country night, and God knows country is not my favourite genre. And after preliminary readings of the performance reviews before I caught the show on Astro, almost everyone said it was one of the worst AI nights ever. However, I have to say that I actually enjoyed the show. I really did. I hope that doesn’t mean that I like country music deep down inside *shudder* But what the HELL happened to Kenny Rogers?

Taylor - Take Me Home Country ROad
I had said that without his spastic antics on stage, he’s boring. But I personally loved him last night. Watching his performance might be boring, but if I heard just the audio on the radio, I would not want to change the channel. He sang the song well and actually made me love the song. It was really pleasant. Well done. A 7.

Mandisa - Any Man Of Mine
Dude, sleeves are your friend. I dunno. The performance was just too funky and odd. That was possibly her worst performance to date. I don’t know what else to say. A 3.5

Elliot - If Tomorrow Never Comes
There is no denying that Elliot is the best male vocalist this season (and maybe, best male vocalist this show ever had). Though it didn’t exactly blew me away, it was still really really pleasant. An 8

Paris - How Do I Live
Different week, different style. I’m gonna quote someone from the boards and say that “she’s like the black Alias”. LOL. Some may say she’s trying too damn much, but I actually liked her appearance this week. It seemed like it’s the real Paris, and it almost makes her tolerable. Almost, but not quite. I’m starting to worry that she’s been consistent in giving above average performances for the past few weeks. And man, that was a difficult song to carry too. A 7.

Acehole - Young
He is such a smarmy lech in the making. How was that country? It’s more like a really bad boy band song squeezed through his nasal passages. It certainly wasn’t  his absolutely worse, but people with damp panties and moist boxer shorts should start to realise that there’s no denying that he really sucks. A 4.

Kellie - Fancy
Emmm.. hello.. did her boobs over inflated themselves overnight? And I refuse to believe that the average American doesn’t know what a calamari was (but I might be wrong since there’s been more than one American who doesn’t know was a gnome was in the Amazing Race). Country is her forte, what can I say? If the viewers are not careful, she can easily slip through to the Final Four. A 6.5

Chris - Making Memories Of Us
Yes! Though I am not back on the Chris bandwagon, I was really satisfied with his performance. He was able to break out of his molds and proved the critics wrong. I have to admit that his performance was pretty good. A 7.5

Katharine - You’re Bringing Out The Elvis In Me
Looks - Check. Personality - Check. Attitude - Check. Vocals - Check. I don’t know if I’ve ever said this about any of the Idol contestants, ever, but this girl actually have the total package. For real, man. I totally have the McPheever back again. Her performance was uber hot, hot, hot. Now how the hell did she get into the Bottom 3 last week? A solid 9.

Bucky - Best I Ever Had
It was good. But since country was supposed to be his genre, overall it was just pretty average performance. A 5.

Top Three - Katharine, Elliot, Chris (My dream Final Three)

Bottom Three - Mandisa, Acehole, Bucky

Going home - Mandisa

Golden nugget of the night - This was the absolute highlight of the show for me, and I need to quote the entire conversation. I used to think the Ryan-Simon hate was rehearsed and was a playful banter. Well, I don’t think so anymore.

Ryan: …So Simon you didn’t like the song, did you like her singing at all?
Randy: I liked the last five seconds.
Simon: If you listened, I said I quite liked her I just wasn’t crazy about the song.
Ryan: If you read the dictionary, you’d know what constructive means.
Simon: Ryan, Ryan, with respect, I’m not the one trying to look like someone out of Desperate Housewives.
Randy: Whoa, whoa, don’t go there…
Simon: *smirk*
Ryan: *eyes narrow - he looks pissed*
Simon: Lose the beard! (smirks)
Seacrest: No, Simon, you definitely fit the bill in that baby blue powder tight sweatsuit cashmere dash you got…
Mandisa: whoa, lots of love tonight

And here’s the audio clip of the convo.

I totally LOVE Simon’s dig on the whole Ryan and Teri Hatcher situation. By the way, the beard Simon was slyly referring to was Teri Hatcher.. not Ryan’s actual pseudo beard. From dictionary.com :

beard
n.
1. The hair on a man’s chin, cheeks, and throat.
2. A hairy or hairlike growth such as that on or near the face of certain mammals.
3. A tuft or group of hairs or bristles on certain plants, such as barley and wheat.
4. One who serves to divert suspicion or attention from another.

Also known as a smokescreen. LOL… can Ryan has just superseeded Tom Cruise as the biggest closet case in Hollywood. Current score, Ryan - 0, Simon - 4,815,162,342

And a special shoutout to the marketing people at Coffeemate. Do your fucking homework. Cow’s milk are bad for cats. Idiots.