Culturally Preconditioned

I’ve been toying with the idea of writing up a weekly or monthly SHIT LIST since last year, and I’m not really sure why I didn’t do it until now. Anyway, here’s a start, something that I could easily come up with since I’ve been using the train almost daily. Top 10 Shit List of LRT Users.

10. People not giving up their seats for those who need it more

Of course this applicable to young and abled people. Although it sounds like a cliche, it still happens for real and there is absolutely no way to knock some sense into these scums of society. If they’re not pretending to sleep, they’re furiously typing SMS messages on their mobile. How these folks could be so thick skinned and turn a blind eye to those who need it more, I would never know.

9. People who bruise you and do not apologize

Of course, people in group 10 would lead to these next particular group of people. People who force and shove their way either into or out of the train. You can forget the ‘excuse me’s, they’d just push people out of their way and not look back. And since we’re still in this category, I’ve also had people sticking their backpacks, umbrellas, notebooks, elbows, and various other body parts into me like a pin cushion and them not saying anything about it. And don’t even get me started on people who step on my foot unapologetically.

8. People who sit on the floor

These group of people usually consist of annoying teenager, who take their place in the middle of the trains (the connecting standing area) and sit on the floor facing each other. Not only are they obstructing the path, they’re also taking up additional space that other passengers can use.

7. People who read newspaper standing up

Reading is good, but there is a time and place to do that. I can forgive people who read a paperback, standing in a train choke full of people (except those reading Malay teenage love crap and Mills & Boone nonsense), but not those who read newspapers. Most of the times, they’d have to extend their both their arms to read the newspaper. Hello? I do not need to get printed shit shoved into my face in an already crowded and stuffy train, thank you.

6. People who take their sweet time at the counter

These are the kinds of people who takes 5 minutes to ask which train stop they need to take. An additional 2 minutes to silently think. Another 3 minutes to purchase the ticket. 2 minutes to take out his/her money. 1 minute to get the ticket. And a final 5 minutes to take back the change and neatly arrange it back into his wallet/her purse. And of course, you’d be the one behind the person at the counter while hearing 3 trains go by on the platform. Oh, this group also applies to people who rush to the exit, and only then start looking for his exit ticket furiously in his pockets, wallets, bags etc.

5. People who talk loudly

There are two kinds of people. The first one is people who talk loudly on their mobile phone. There is a reason why I never answer phone calls during my daily 40-minutes commute to work (one-way). I don’t want everyone in the train to know my business. The same can’t be said for these people. The second one, are people who have loud conversations with anotehr person in the train (applicable to groups of people too). And the absolutely worse is when you are in between the two parties. Wait, no, the absolutely worse are the goddamn chatterboxes in the early morning commute (and I’m talking about the 630 am train here). Shut the fuck up, bitches.

4. People who jumps into the train after the warning signal has gone off

Nothing beats the kiasu-ness of these people. I bet the same people are the ones who press harder on their accelerator when the traffic light is already RED on the roads (yes, RED not amber) because their behaviour is the same. Not only they are endangering themselves (there have been reports in Japan, I think, of passengers getting caught on the train door and have body parts ripped off), but more importantly, they are delaying my journey by at least 15 seconds (you know how when a person accidentally blocks the doors when it is trying to close, it re-opens and holds a few more seconds before closing again) - but I personally have experienced a delay of at least 10 minutes because of such an incident. Just wait for the next train, idiot!

3. People who takes multiple little children during rush hour

I don’t know. Little kids annoy the shit out of me in crowded places. Especially in trains. Crowded trains. Jam packed trains during rush hour. Can’t these parents take their kids on the train anytime other than those hours? Are they stupid enough not to realise it is the rush hour? It would be a whole lot more convenient for them and the rest of the train users.

2. People with BO

Ohmigod. It’s always an embarassing situation when I have to take out my hanky and slowly breathe through it. I’m sorry but I don’t know how else to be subtle in such cases. And there is this one time, that I said to myself ‘fuck this’ and moved to a different (more crowded) part of the train. I can understand people sweating and stuff on it’s a scorching day, or after they’ve been exercising and stuff. But the one thing I can’t stand are people who reek like they haven’t showered for weeks for no obvious reason. Yuck.

1. People who jump queues

Is this a Malaysian thing? I just don’t get these idiots who see two physical queues on either side of the train entrance waiting to get in, but just stand right smack in the middle of the lane. What the fuck? Are they retarted, or just plain selfish? And of course, there are those on the sidelines who feel entitled to squeeze themselves into the front of the queues. Goddamn motherfuckers. Call me what you want, but I HAVE pushed and intentionally block these people from trying to cut their way into the front of the queues - makciks, pakciks, office workers (these are the absolute worst kind), teenagers, amois, leng chais, uncles, parents, brats blablabla (it’s really the entire demographic sample). I will, however, make an exception for blind and disabled people - although I have seen in many many cases blind people actually joining the queue. The queues are there for a reason. USE IT, YOU FUCKING MORON.