I go over my site statistics every month for a good laugh. I have this feature called “Search Keyphrases” that people use on search engines that return a link to my site. I get more than 600 unique keyphrases on average.. the normal ones ranging from “Survivor” to “Izad” to “Rent”.. but most of the times, I just find it really funny the things people use as their keyphrases in the search engines. LMAO. Below are a few of the more weird/funny/outstanding phrase people use on the search engines (which somehow returns a link to my site)

• hog tied
• whatevia santiago
• votefortheworse
• bitch please
• stripped moms
• quiet drive rise from the ashes bittorrent
• malaysian bad attitude speaking loudly
• name the songs daniel lee sang in malaysian idol
• is elliott yamin a muslim & his wife muslims?
• katharine mcphee until you come back to me cleavage
• pictures of pontianaks
• zoe salmon
• rent italian libretto
• meninggal dunia death 2004
• katharine mcphee s mother s cleavage
• jasmine boobs
• surivor hidden immunity idol
• johor bahru who can fuck
• shaving her head bald
• sanskrit movie
• theme song of supernatural on axn
• jenna survivor fucked
• margaret bobonich and smoking
• dying grandma
• keratan akhbar mengenai erra dan yusri
• wha is westlife?
• samgona
• boxer and brief comment does chris daughtry in
• yoshinoya game torrent
• paula abdul videos will you marry me cleavage
• malaysian chinese sneaky attitude
• fucking malaysian horny
• airplane fucking
• remember deaf dubai
• malaysian stupid arrogance
• aras fart survivor
• malay girls fucking picture
• perverted old man
• bus fucking
• baskin robbins favour
• yasmin bodoh gubra
• fear factor axn bald
• reality shows and morals
• dasar goblok meaning
• motherly wife awesome
• rich man fucking tv3 girl
• selfish self-centered neighbour
• eagle getting a fish
• synopsis novel tingkatan lima
• malay girl sex
• ipod ripoff
• charla electrocuted clip
• names of acts of the movie ada hantu di sekolah
• stupidity barometer
• andartus
• mensa bullshit
• fuckin vanuatu
• fucking bra
• sepi cat litter
• are tyra banks nieces japanese
• alicia keys vagina hairs

I can’t even begin to rank the hilarity of these phrases.

Well, rumour has it that the 3rd season of Malaysian Idol has been shelved by The Powers That Be, but in actual fact, it has only been postponed to a later date this year. So, in its place is 8tv’s latest foray into reality television.. One In A Million. Initially, I didn’t want to make any comments on the show. Yet, anyway, since it’s only the audition rounds. However, there were some parts of the show that’s worth mentioning.

First up, the theme song sucks. Secondly, for a show called One In A Million where the prize is a million ringgit, I thought the show’s introduction looked really cheap. Please, a school drop out with a decent video editing tool could come up with a better montage.

I still haven’t made an opinion on the show hosts - Alam and Marion (although I do love Marion from her Quickie stints), but so far they’re better than the ultra-tergedik2 Cheryl Samad. The first segment of the show where they explained what the show was all about had a really SSTS (snickering softly to self) moment. The part where they said, “to become an artist, you can send in a demo tape, meet producers, and they help you write songs etc etc etc OR you can enter a reality competition show” followed quickly by “but that won’t guarantee you success”. And lo and behold, what montage did they use in the background? That’s right.. our very own Malaysian Idol from the second season. Hmmm I wonder if they’re trying to imply something. ssts.

Anyway, for a competition that’s not limited to a certain age limit or bound by the fact that they are ‘established’ artist.. I was surprised that the turn-out was as only as good.. (in other words, AS BAD) as the normal Malaysian Idol auditions.

I mean, if I was already a recording artist, why shouldn’t I do it? RM 1 million is a lot of money. And I doubt even 5% of our local artists even make that much in a year based on their music recordings. Sure, your ego might be crushed when you lose the show to an amateur, but hell, it’s a million dollars at stake. That’s a lot of money.

So, instead of really talented people turning up for the auditions, we get .. you know.. normal people (when we’re lucky). Other times, it’s just people trying to sing English songs with very very bad diction. Sorry but singing with bad diction is a sin. I can’t even forgive Siti Nurhaliza for that. Stick to your own mother tongue.

But all is not lost. If anything we are also treated to some good humour tonight. I mean, I never knew Kellie Pickler has had a sex operation and is now working at a carpet store in Sabah.

“Siapa nama awak?”
“My name is Nizam”
“What are you gonna sing for us?”
“…. What?”
“Lagu apa yang awak nak nyanyi”
“Jibun”
“?!@??!*?”
“Lagu Jibun dari band Hong Kong”
“Mmm okay.. apa nama awak tadi?”
“My name is Nizam”

Aiyo… my pregnant friend called me up and had fits of laughter till she really was out of breath. I feared that she might accidentally give birth right there and then. It’s amazing how similar MyNameIsNizam is with Kellie Pickler. I feel slightly dumb right after watching that.

As for the judges, Paul Moss is.. well Paul Moss. He makes sense most of the time, so he’s cool in my books. As for Syafinaz. What a breath of fresh air. No more “Saya setuju dgn apa Abg Roslan cakap”,”Baju awak cantik”,”Saya suka style awak” Gee crap. Here is a woman who (so far) seems like she at least know something about singing, and she’s not afraid to be a bitch with her comments. They’ve made wise choice to go with her for this show.

So.. looking forward to the KL auditions next week. We’ll be seeing Dayang and Farah and possibly some other people in the industry auditioning for the show. Can’t wait.

Oh, and can we PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave all the fucking sob stories out of the show? COme on, this is not Akademia Fantaspastika.

On a side note, I would like to make a brief comment on the American Idol finale, but I’m too lazy. Let’s just say, I thought that was one of the most entertaining 2-hour show I’ve watched this year. They were able to camp it up and laugh at themselves, and though the performances weren’t exactly mind blowing, they were all very entertaining (seeing how drunk Meatloaf and Toni Braxton was). The highlight of the show for me was seeing Dionne Warwick performing beautifully with the idols, and at the end of it all, she had a really bad, noticeable, major FUCKED UP note. That was fucking hysterical. ROTFLMAO. Oh and MonkeyBoy should’ve won. Oh and Egghead still sucks. Oh and Acehole still can’t sing for shit. Oh and Kellie has changed her name to MyNameIsNizam.

Can’t believe we’re already here? Well, believe it, baby. Mandy Moore in da house. Taye Diggs in da house..(wither Idina?) woohoo! There was an interesting shot of a woman in veils.. I don’t know what the hell they showed that for, but I was pretty psyched up for the final battle between Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks.

Katharine - the woohoo cherry tree song

I thought it was a great performance but it seemed to have lacked the energy of her original performance of this song. Her voice was clearly better though, but it was the show opener and I’d have to say it was pretty lackluster. I quite enjoyed it but Simon was right, the occassion was way much more bigger than the song. A 7.5

Taylor - yet another Stevie Wonder song

Hideous purple retro tellytubby jacket aside, that was a pretty strong performance. It was energetic and fun and he didn’t falter much on his vocals. An 8.

Katharine - Somewhere Over The Rainbow

She starts off acapella which I personally thought was beautiful and mesmerizing. There was no oversinging this time around, thank goodness. Overall, it was very poignant, sweet performance. An 8.5

Taylor - Levon

I love how Taylor’s southern voice comes out with this song. I’ve said this once and I’m gonna say it again. Taylor will make a superb country singer. It wasn’t as good as his original performance but it was still really good. An 8

Katharine - My Destiny (to become runner up)

The song clearly displayed Kat’s weakness which was highly unfortunate. Poor Kat. It was okay but far from a spectacular which she desperately needs at this stage of the competition. Blerghh.. what a way to go. Whoever wrote the song should be shot in the knee and kicked in his nuts/her vag. I don’t even know if Celine fucking Dion could make this into a better song. A 5.

Taylor - Do I Make You Proud (aka. pathetic song title ever)

tAYLOR WORKED HIS ASS FOR THIS SONG. iT WAS JUST SLIGHTLY LESS SHITTY THAN kAT’S SONG BUT tAYLOR CARRIED it well (I just realised I accidentally pressed my caps lock on and can’t be arsed to retype the sentence). His performance (and song) sounded anthemic compared to Kat’s whimperings, but seriously Taylor shut the goddamn motherfucking up with your soul patrol. It is getting even more annoying than Fantasia’s yeah-yeah-yeahs. You are alright, but seriously, fucking stop it. A 6.5

Conclusion : It does seem from her subdued expressions and less than bubbly personality tonight, Katharine has resigned to the fact that she won’t become the next Idol. Taylor didn’t exactly put his A-game out tonight but he is the better of the two tonight and because of that.. congratulations Mr Taylor Hicks for becoming the next American Idol.

All in all, it was a pretty crappy final two showdoen. The only saving grace for the entire show was Daniel Powter performing Bad Day live on stage. I’m not joking. Daniel Powter. A 10.

If you haven’t watched the finale for The Amazing Race and Survivor, I would suggest you skip the respective sections below. I guess I will also touch on the final four of the Apprentice (Season 5), so if you don’t want to know who’s the final four candidates, you might want to skip that one too. There WILL be spoilers. So, I might as well start off with some short comments on the Da Vinci Code movie.

The Da Vinci Code

I caught the most anticipated summer movie at its premiere yesterday. ‘A friend of mine’ attended the afternoon show at The Summit and he was shocked to find out that the hall was full! An afternoon show. In the middle of a working week. In Summit USJ. At the THX theater. I don’t think that has ever happened before. Ever. Anyway, back to the show. By now, you’d already know that the movie presents a theory of Jesus having a royal bloodline via his relationship with Mary Magdalene. It’s an old theory. For me, at least.

Personally, I have never read The Da Vinci Code novel by Dan Brown. Interesting since I’d usually spent more than double on books that’s deductable from my tax relief every year. I guess it’s because I have learned about this theory several years (via Holy Blood, Holy Grail and Gabriel Knight 3 : Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned) before The Da Vinci Code was conceived. And being the unreasonable snob that I am, I snubbed the book. I can never enjoy a book that is on a bestseller’s list, except for Stephen King’s novels (even if I do, I’d never reveal that fact).

Anyway, since I’ve found this topic highly interesting, I thought I could spare 2.5 hours watching the movie. Critics have panned the movie so badly that I thought it really was going to be another Pearl Harbour. However, I find myself immersed with the movie content as I predicted I would be. Even though the movie had a long running time, I thought it moved quite quickly. Even though Tom Hank’s acting was just mediocre in this movie (boy, he is getting oooooold), Jean Reno and Sir Ian McKellen stole the show. Excellent.

Now, early reviews by local cinemagoers wasn’t all that good. Like the Lord of the Rings, most of the ‘Da Vinci Code’ purists came out saying that the movie is nowhere near as good as the book. I know I haven’t read the book but major DUUUUHHH. What movie adaptation IS better than the book? No, that was a serious question, if you can think of one, please do tell me. I’m glad I didn’t read the book prior to watching the movie. In general, it was a good and enjoyable movie. Jesus bloodline, Mary Magdalene, the Priory of Scion, the Opus Dei and the Knights Templar. It’s all good.

I don’t know if this was mentioned in the Da Vinci Code novel, but I was initially intrigued by the real-life mysteries of the priest Berenger Sauniere and his weird church in Rennes-le-Chateau. The history is interesting and really does raise a lot of question as to what he found in his church and where did all his money come from and why exactly did he dedicate his church to Mary Magdalene.

Anyway, if you love conspiracy theories and if National Treasure blows your socks off, you will love The Da Vinci Code movie. B+

*WARNING.. spoiler up ahead for the Amazing Race finale, Survivor finale and Apprentice final four*

Amazing Race Finale

It was one of the best finales yet for the Amazing Race. Granted that I watched this season half-heatedly since the gilmore girls were booted, I’d have to say the finale last night was an amazing one. This season also boasted the best footrace to the pitstop two episodes ago (a real tight race between the Hippies, Fratgirls and MoJo). As you can guess, I was rooting for the Hippies to win. I haven’t been more excited about a TAR win since Reichen and Chip winning, and Romber losing to Chip and Kim. (Even though I was rooting the Linzs to win, and they did, it was just okay).

This season had the best final 3 teams to win. I didn’t mind Ray and Yolanda, but they remind me too much of previous African American teams that have won, but in all, they were good people. I liked watching them on the show. As for the frat girls, they really rubbed me the wrong way early on in the show. There were still annoying, but in an entertaining kind of way. Their deviousness (ie. cancelling the cabs) came off as cheeky than evil. I didn’t mind seeing them win either because they were pretty good racers.

But in the end, the Hippies won. Yay! I really enjoyed their laidback attitude. I loved seeing their competitiveness (coming in last twice) and their experience throughout the show. I loved how they try to soak up as much culture during their adventures (boy, I was highly impressed with their leg in Japan last night). So congrats to BJ and Tyler. The season might be lackluster in the middle, but the end was really enjoyable.

Survivor : Exile Island Finale

At the end of it all, I didn’t really care who won. I could care less for any of the people left after Sally was booted (there were seven of them left). In order of their boots :

- Bruce got medivaccuated out of the game because his colon got stuck (he was next in line anyway)

- Courtney proved how flaky, annoying and childish she really is.

- Shane became crazy back in Day 3 and never gained his sanity back again.

- Cirie got really lucky, flew under the radar and got the boot she deserves.

- Terry became the immunity hog, in addition to his Hidden Immunity Idol which was never put into play, only to lose at the most crucial stage in the game.

So we were left with two in the game, horseteeth Danielle vs immature Arasshole, and the lesser of the two evils won. Danielle got what she deserves. Poor bitch can never win the game (against anyone besides Courtney and possibly Shane) and she knows it. Arasshole, the pretentious Yoga instructor who couldn’t keep his balance, won the game with a 5-2 tally. He is currently sitting at number 9 on my Survivor Winner List, only ahead of Danni, Amber and Vecepia. Despite his lack of social skills in the game, Terry really should have won the game. So fuck Survivor : Exile Island.

Survivor : Cook Islands.. coming up in September/October.

Apprentice (Season Five) Final Four

All my favourites have been booted. I thought Andrea was booted unfairly. I do believe her team mates were ganging up on her, but oh well. I also thought Michael would be a great apprentice, but he was too soft-spoken and indecisive. Pity, cause I liked him. The remaining final four… pfft. I can only see one potential winner, although I think Trump will pick the one that I dislike, and that is Lee the fucking politican. Ally is devious and manipulative and a little immature for my liking. Roxanne is the ultimate lemming if I have ever seen one. And that only leaves us with Sean.

I think Sean is a good guy overall. He hasn’t really pissed anyone, he works very well and he gives great insights in his confessionals. If Trump doesn’t pick this guy, it’s his loss. He is the only obvious Apprentice among the four candidates left. I have no idea who they’re bringing back for the final task, but if it was me.. I’d prefer to see the following fired candidates, in order : Andrea, Lenny, Michael, Bryce, Dan and  Charmaine (with the possibilty of Tammy and/or Pepi).

Good luck to all of them. Go Sean!

Woot! Roseanne Barr in the house tonight. And BOO to Ryan reminding us of the abomination that was Chris Daughtry.

So it has finally come down to this : The Final Three of American Idol. Each contestant will be singing three songs each, one chosen by the music mogul Clive Davis, another chosen by the AI judges and a final song of their own choice.

CLIVE DAVIS’ PICKS

Elliott Yamin ~ Open Arms by Journey.
Yay! It’s the song sung by Erskine Walcott who missed the Final 12 cut from Season 3. I absolutely loved his rendition. Elliott started of oh-so-beautifully but sadly, the part where he sings “with open arms” came off quite badly. But I’m able to forgive him for that. An 8 (he was steadily moving towards a 10 but nahh…)

Katharine McPhee. ~ Believe I Can Fly by R Kelly.
This was definitely a WF song choice. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Clive was sabotaging Kat’s chances of getting into the Final Two. I wasn’t terribly impressed with Kat’s performance and she needs to stop over-singing. A 4. I do love her subtle ‘fuck you’ retorts to Randy and Paula though.

Taylor Hicks ~ Dancing In The Dark by Bruce Springsteen.
That was a terrific song. Along with Open Arms, I’ve had this song in my iPod for ages. Taylor could’ve made the song a little bit better and edgier, but overall, it was really pretty good. An 8.

JUDGES’ PICKS

Elliott Yamin ~ What You Won’t Do For Love by Bobby Caldwell. (Paula’s choice)
Ohmigod.. what a horrid, horrid, boring song choice. Blergh. Disappointing. That song is not gonna get Elliott anywhere. Damn you, Paula Abdul. Damn you. A 5.

Katharine McPhee ~ Somewhere Over The Rainbow by Judy Garland (Simon’s choice)
A tad theatrical, a tad broadway. I would appreciate the performance more if it was part of a musical (I am still terribly upset over the major buggery last night which was the effing Grease). It was good, but nowhere spectacular as the judges made it seem to be. I love Kat but I have to be fair. It was good but that wasn’t a WOW performance. A 7.

Taylor Hicks ~ You Are So Beautiful by Joe Cocker (Randy’s choice)
The beginning was beyond horrid – but he picked it up. Not. And he looks like a muppet when he’s ‘displaying’ his sad expressions. You know, one of the scientist muppets from Sesame Street? Oh well. No, no, no. Tender or not, seriously, there were too many snafu notes for me. I REALLY beg to differ from the judges. His worst performance ever. A 3.

CONTESTANTS’ PICKS

Elliott Yamin ~ I Believe To My Soul by Ray Charles (the Donny Hathaway version)
Elliott lost his momentum with his second song, and unfortunately, he lost it for good. His performance was not good. At all. I find myself saying to myself “End it. End it NOW” halfway through the song. It was a mess. I blame his suckiness on Paula, that bitch. A 3.

Katharine McPhee ~ I Ain’t Got Nuthin’ But The Blues by Ella Fitzgerald.
I. Loved. It. It was cabaret and very jazzy. Very nice. Katharine McPhee. Yum. Fuck the judges. You go, girl. That was awesome. A 7.5.

Taylor Hicks ~ Try A Little Tenderness by Otis Redding.

Retard, please. You’re no Nadia Turner. But it wasn’t half bad, And I’m too tired to make additional comments. A 5.5.

Overall Rankings

1. Katharine – 4 + 7 + 7.5 = 18.5

2. Taylor – 8 + 3 + 5.5 = 16.5

3. Elliott – 8 + 5 + 3 = 16

It’s interesting because prior to tonight’s show, I thought this is the BEST FINAL THREE contestants in the history of AI. Unfortunately, tonight’s show did NOT reflect that at all.

Who do I think is going home? Based on his less than stellar performances and Simon’s comments, I do think it’s finally Elliott’s turn to go home. Boy has gone far and should really be proud of himself. If it’s not Elliott, it has to be Katharine because she’s been in the bottom tier group for the past few weeks. Taylor is untouchable. His fanbase is huge (and mad) and I believe he is The Chosen One to win this competition. I will be completely and utterly shocked (and also a little pleased) if he gets the boot tomorrow. If he doesn’t, it doesn’t really matter who gets in the Finals with him, cause he would’ve won the title already.

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I hate Rent. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate it because  it has set such a high benchmark for me personally, when it comes to watching other musicals. The curse of Rent. The only one that didn’t fall into it was Jesus Christ Superstar (which was totally fabulous) because I watched that one before Rent.

So I managed to catch Grease The Musical on it’s Malaysian premiere show last night at the Plenary Hall in the Kuala Lumpur Convention Center. I was psyched because I enjoyed the movie Grease (not to the extent of memorising all the numbers, but still) back from my university days, thanks to my flatmate’s incessant viewing of the video again and again. It also brought good memories of the staged play “Can I Touch Your … ?” in college where they borrowed and adapted greatly from the musical Grease.

However, my experience was marred marred marred last night over the poor event handling by the organizers. I have not seen a performance at the Convention Center prior to last night, but I tried to give it the benefit of the doubt. I shouldn’t. First of all, everyone there were like lost little lambs.. everyone herding here and there with no proper direction. The ushers were not helpful. The ticket handler were too slow. The merchandise sellers just had to open their booth right smack in the middle of the pathway causing a bottleneck. Idiots, I tell you.

Secondly, and possibly what pissed me the most, the performers had a pre-show gig about 10 minutes before it was scheduled to start (8:30 pm) and gave a friendly reminder that the show will start in 10 minutes. Eventually the show did start with their opening number - “Alma Mater”, and people were STILL flocking in. No make that, DRONING in. I mean, seriously, what the fuck? They have actually started the performance and people were still rushing in to get into the hall. WHAT IN HOLY FUCK? I’m not asking the performers to hold their opening number till most of the audience have taken their seats, they NEED to keep to their schedule. It’s the fucking late-turners that what was pissing me off. I don’t think we’ve ever seen these kind of thing in Istana Budaya.

And why’s that? The Istana Budaya staff are strict when it comes to respecting their paying customers. Latecomers are let in slowly, and subtly one at a time into the hall when a show has started. Last night? People were simply walking in in big groups in the middle of the show.. and this fucking bitch in front of me, saw her friend in the audience, even had the FUCKING NERVE to start a short conversation with her friend while she was walking to her seat. I MEAN COME ON!!!! FUCK THAT SHIT I WAS JUST ABOUT READY TO SMACK HER IN THE FACE. I can (maybe) tolerate this if I was in a movie audience, but this is a RM300 per seat show for fucks sake. You’d think they are not these kind of people, but you’re wrong.

I don’t know, I have never seen such jinjang and kampung people in a theater audience before this. EVER. I’m not saying I’m one of those cultured people, (I’ve got an ultra potty mouth, I can’t even be considered as pseudo-cultured) but please lah. Everything has to do with courtesy. MY GOD. MALAYSIANS IN GENERAL JUST DOESN’T KNOW WHAT BEING COURTEOUS MEAN. Assholes.

where was I?

Oh yeah, thirdly, you know when you get into a musical theater, they’d have a section where they place all their musicians and the technicians and what nots? Usually these people would be placed in a secluded section somewhere, either in the orchestral pit, the upper section behind the projectors and the lights or in the middle bunker section hidden from view. However, last night, the technicians (for sounds and lightning I presume) were placed RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLOODY HALL, EXPOSED TO EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE. Holy fuck. And they have like 7 or 8 flat screen LCDs monitoring some sort of software right there in the middle. Can you imagine 8 glaring LCDs in the middle of the hall staring at your face while you’re trying to enjoy a show on stage? I get really annoyed when someone even types or reads an SMS in a cinema (you know the distracting glare). Yeah. Imagine 8 glaring LCDs in its place. And what’s worst? They’re place right smack in the middle of the RM300 tickets seating areas. I pity those poor sods. I mean.. wow. Just wow. The setting was even worse than a high school production.

And the chaos at the end, after the performance was over when everyone wanted to exit the planery hall? Let’s just say I don’t think they have fully tested out their fire hazard exercises yet. KUALA LUMPUR CONVENTION CENTER FUCKING SUCKS. I will never ever ever set foot again in the Planery Hall for any kinds of performance again. Shite doesn’t even begin to describe my experience going to that place.

So much negativity, and I still haven’t yet started on the actual musical. Okay so here goes. Overall, it was nothing to write home about. As a musical, it was an entertaining 2+ hours despite it’s many many flaws. The actor and actresses who played the lead roles of Sandy and Danny were both good looking (although at first I had mistaken Sandy for an albino), but surprisingly they were simply below average for theater leads.

The stellar performances came from Miss Lynch/Teen Angel and Doody. Rizzo reminded me of Liza Minelli (which is not good). The rest of the cast (who had solo numbers) were terribly average. The best parts of the performances in my opinion was Summer Nights and every other songs that were sung in an ensemble. The worst part? The two leads fucking up You’re The One That I Want by singing the tunes out of tempo. Opening night jitters? That might be, but they’ve been doing this hundreds of times which makes their fuck up look even worse. It was not ALL bad. I did find myself breaking into a huge cheshire cat smile in certain parts of the show. I did enjoy myself.. to a certain miniscule extent.

Would I recommend the show to anyone? Of course, but only if you get free tickets. That’s RM275 I’ll never see again. Certainly not the best musical to reach our shores.

On my drive way back home, I popped in the Rent soundtrack to my CD player. That pretty much sums it up. Rent is the word.

Overall.. 5 out of 10 stars. No, make that 4/10.

Nothing’s What It Seem To Be

To my English teacher, Miss Lee,

Where do I start? Year in year out, we have Father’s Day, Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day. Though I personally feel that these ‘designated’ holidays are nothing but sell-outs and simply a way of giant corporations of reaping our hard-earned cash for this mockery of a celebration, they’re pretty straightforward. There’s only one father, one mother and (under normal circumstances) only one lover. But I am always at a loss when it comes to celebrating Teacher’s Day. It seems as though I’ve gone through thousands of teachers from pre-school all the way to college (professors, to me, basically are still teachers, only with a fancier title), so how exactly do I pick one single favorite teacher?

Before I get you all hyped up, let me firstly clarify that, Miss Lee, you are not my favorite teacher. Do you remember our first class together in 1992? You entered the class and introduced yourself and began preaching to the class on how English is the one of most difficult language to master. You went on to the topic of pronunciation and mentioned that not everything sounds like we think it should be. Nothing is what they seem to be in the English language. That’s fine, but what you did next was unexpected.

Well that was my original draft of the short story that I submitted to my editor when she enquired if I would like to contribute to the anthology that she was compiling last year.

The book was only recently published last month in the States, and I have yet to see it in our local bookstores (I suspect it will end up in Kinokuniya like my first one did).. and yes, this is a shameless plug for my new published work - not that I get any kinds of royalties from the books sales, mind you.

Anyway, I had rambled on and on for over 2000 words and my editor had to par it down to the required 800 words, so the text that I typed above was severely butchered out. I’m guessing it was because of my views on the celebrated ‘Mother’s/Father’s/Teacher’s Day’.

I still do think that (and I will repeat it again here) these ‘designated’ holidays are nothing but sell-outs and simply a way of giant corporations to reap our hard-earned cash for this mockery of a celebration. (by the way, the published book was not meant for a special occassion such as a Teacher’s Day - I’m not even sure if the rest of the world celebrates it.)

I mean, why do we need a special day to celebrate our mothers, and our fathers, and our teachers? Aren’t we suppose to cherish these individuals every day? Why a single special day? What does it commemorate? I get anniversaries and birthdays cause they are related to a significant date or event. But where does these unnecessary Mother/Father/Teacher’s Day come from? I mean, come on!

And while we’re at it, why don’t we have a Grandparents Day, or a Brother’s Day or a Sister’s Day or a Twin Day or an Uncle Day or an Aunt Day. Are these people not significant in our lives? Dayist much? And why stop there? Shouldn’t there also be a Best Friend Day? Or a Pet Owner’s Day or a Lesbian Lover Day or a Fuck Buddy Day? Oh and don’t you even dare to forget Adopted Child Day.

But that’s just my take on this celebrated special days. Give me a break. The only thing that gets to me are people who EXPECT me to celebrate and even demand congratulatory messages from me for these inane celebrations. (Nope, my parents are not that bad, thank goodness). Self-entitlement issues much? Geez.

And speaking of self-entitlement issues… I thought Rupert from Survivor was bad, but I was wrong. This ego-bloated guy takes the cake

“I’m shocked. Everyone expected me to become the next Idol bla bla bla”. You just have to read his exit interviews to know what I’m talking about. LOL. Good luck to Fuel if they are really getting this guy to be their front man.

And on the bright sides of things… the Survivor : Exile Island finale is on right now (in the States). Yay!

Welcome to the American Idol Final 4 Week.

Sorry wrong season…

Looking back at Season 3 (when Malaysia got it’s first taste of American Idol), I must say it was pretty awesome to see an all-ladies group. La Toya London (4th place) who blew everyone away with her workshop performance of All By Myself, was the (UNarguably) the best singer in the competition and actually already has an album out (a flop). Jasmine Trias (3th place) was an obvious fluke but probably was one of the first great achivement by the VoteForTheWorst crew. Nobody really cares what she’s doing right now. I was a hardcore fan of Diana DeGarmo (runner up) since I heard her performance of Broken Wing during country week, and so far is the only AI contestant to ever really blew me away (a must watch of her Final 3 performance). However, in hindsight, Fantasia was the right winner over her. After listening to her debut album of bubble gum pop rubbish (also a flop), she still have a lot of maturing to do. Fantasia, well you all know where she is now.

Sorry wrong again…

Season 4 when almost every Malaysian caught the show from the get go, was a weird mix. Look at the final four. How Anthony Federov (Final 4) reached that place, I’ll never know. And no, he wasn’t one of the VTFW picks. Vonzell Solomon (3rd place) was not the best singer in the competition, however, she did show tremendous growth over the competition (remember her take on Whitney’s song near the end?). But, you can sorta tell ThePowersThatBe wanted to pitch a final two battle between Bo Bice (2nd place) and Carrie Underwood (’winner’). I’m a little surprised they didn’t take on the Osmond’s I’m A Little Bit Country, I’m A Little Bit Rock n Roll duet. Bo got a late start in the music sales but his latest song ‘The Real Thing’ is gaining lots of local airplay recently, and it is a tad weird to hear him comforming his style to manufactured Idol material. I have high hopes for him, once his contract with Idol is done, he will follow Kelly Clarkson’s way. As for Miss Underwood, you know where she is now. And if you think Carrie really deserved the win over Bo, you’re crazy.

Aaaahh here we are. Yep.. that’s right. This year’s final 4 of American Idol. So how do these group of kids stack up to the alumni? I have to say, pretty darn good. Out of the four left (despite my obvious disdain for a certain egghead), I have to say, they are all pretty damn good performers. For once, everyone in the Final Four spot deserves to be there. And I really have a hard time figuring out who could be the next Idol cause they are all fabulously wonderful in their own ways.
Anyway, on to this week’s show. A tribute to the original American Idol - Elvis Presley.

Crash

So I finally managed to get my hands on the a DVD copy of Crash - the movie that pulled an upset this year after winning the coveted Picture Of The Year over Turdback Mountain. I honestly don’t understand why many people had picked Brokeback Mountain to win over Crash.. I really don’t. Brokeback is the most overrated piece of wannabe gay awareness drama ever. Like I said, the only great thing about the movie is the cinematography and that single “I wish I knew how to quit you” line.

I was really pleasantly surprised to see how good Crash really is. The movie has a great ensemble and it reminds me a lot of the underrated Go! from 1999, only darker. Crash brings a lot of racial stereotyping issues, that may not be close to home, but certainly something that we can relate to being in a multi-cultural, multi-racial society and all. The movie is smart and ballsy, and definitely one of those rare movies that deserved winning Best Picture at the Oscars. This movie gets 8 out 10 (and 9 out of 10 for using Stereophonics’ Maybe Tomorrow at the end)

Supernatural

Despite it’s less than spectacular ratings, my friends in the States have given great recommendations to this show, so I was glad that AXN was gonna start to show this show earlier this week. The show is about two brothers who is on search for their father who had gone missing during his latest ‘hunting’ trip. Some had say this show is like a candy-laced version of the X-files, but I don’t think so.

For one, I think the scriptwriting is less cheesy than regular tween shows on tv *cough*theOC*cough*. And secondly, the supernatural being they encountered (at least in this episode) doesn’t look at all like the cheap demonic clones from .. let’s see… Angel, Buffy, Charmed.. to name a few.. you know, where the demons have the exact same latex mould and shit? The supernatural being in this show actually gave me the creeps (only a bit, but still), and at the end of the first episode, it’s already 100 times better than the full length ‘horror’ filth that I pay to watch at the movies.

Yeah, Supernatural is really that good. I’ve always been a sucker for dramas like Twin Peaks and American Gothic, and now that Ghost Hunter has ended it’s current season and Charmed has entered it’s last season (honestly, the fucking writers have totally lost it after they killed the Halliwell’s last season.. if anything, the only thing worth tuning into this show is for the soundtrack), I’m glad I have at least one great new drama to look forward to. And no, Hex is too damn laughable, and the writers of Point Pleasant should burn in the deepest depths of Hell.

Catch Supernatural on AXN every Thursday at 10 pm and repeats on Saturday nights at 11 pm.

Lost

OMGWTFOMFG ?!!!??!!?! that is all I have to say about their latest episode (”Two For The Road”) right now.

Lost is getting out of control. It has splintered into so many different things outside of the show, it’s getting almost impossible to keep up.

There is now a book released by a mysterious author who had been on the Oceanic 815 airline. The manuscript of the book, Bad Twin, was briefly featured in the latest episode, and somehow, it found it’s way to the publishers for all of us to see.

And the powers that be at ABC has already launched an interactive LOST EXPERIENCE ONLINE
which we can participate, discovering the mysteries of the Dharma Foundation, the Hanso and the island. Something to keep us busy till Season 3 starts later this year. Last I heard AXN Asia will also be involved in this so Asian viewers may also be able to participate. As much as I am a huge Losthead, I am sooo gonna get lost in all this mysticism.

Elliott - On Broadway by George Benson.

He started out rough. Was he singing behind tempo? Did he have microphone issues. I don’t know but it never quite picked up. That was a shitty performance and easily his worst to date. Sorry Elliot. A 3.5

Elliott - Home by Michael Buble.
What the fuck was he thinking choosing a song with lyrics like that. I am not familiar with song since I don’t listen to the filth that is on the ‘charts’ this day and age, but that was a pleasant performance. Randy is right. Singing tender songs, that’s his thing. A 7.5

Oprah - Kiss by Prince

I love this song. I was expecting the worst from Paris but she actually did the song justice, much to my surprise. A 7.5

Oprah - Be Without You by Mary J. Blige
Fuck you Paris. Why are you singing decently this week. It’s supposed to be your turn to leave this week. Curses. A 7 (Oh and I just realised her head is as big as Semencrust’s)

Chris - Renegade by Styx.
Oh great. Another typical angry performance from Captain Egghead. A 4

Chris - I Dare You by Shinedown
Oh great. Another typical angry performance from Captain Egghead. Shriek. Shout. Shriek. Shout. Yell. A big fat zero for Egghead. Screw you. Grow a pair. Have some self respect. Join a proper band, fuck you very much. I fucking dare you.

Katharine - Against All Odds by Phil Collins

I so fucking love this song (nevermind it was sung by FatFuck last year), but unfortunately Kat’s rendition was horrendous. She fucked it up royally. A 2.

Katharine - Black Horse and Cherry Tree by K T Tunstall
I don’t care for her writhing on stage but what a comeback. I loved it. My problem with Katharine is sometimes she gives excellent performances, other times not so much. Oh well I still love her and is my pick to win the title this year. An 8.5

Taylor - Play That Funky Music (White Boy) by Wild Cherry
Retarded or not, his performance was a thousand times more entertaining and energetical than Egghead. A 6.

Taylor - Something by The Beatles
Zzzzz… it wasn’t that good and it was excruciatingly boring. A 3.

Cumulative rankings :

1. Oprah 14.5/20

2. Elliot 11/20

3. Katharine 10.5/20

4. Taylor 9/20

5. Egghead 4/20

Boot picks :

Brain - Logically, Elliott is in danger this week since he didn’t exactly WOWed the audience. The only way he can stay in the competition is by giving superb performances every week and getting votes from new fans each week. Cause let’s face it, out of the 5 left, he might be the least marketable. Oh please, people really are that shallow and really are into appearances. How else, would you explain Egghead still being in this show.

Heart - Egghead. Like that’s not obvious. Seriously, put him in RockStar and they will devour him in a heartbeat. Fucking sell out can’t even carry a decent tune.

Gut - Initially I thought Paris would be leaving, but urghhhh… I think it’s gonna be either her or Elliott.

Golden nugget of the week : “I liked the end. When you collapse.” ~ Simon Cowell to Taylor Hicks.So what will you be doing at 01:02:03:04:05:06 later tonight? Oh give me a fucking break. Like that’s a valid reason to stay up and celebrate the moment. Bitch please. I know that moment comes once every 100 years, but so does 21:30:45:03:05:06 (the moment I’m writing this). Get what I mean?