Culturally Preconditioned

Elliott - On Broadway by George Benson.

He started out rough. Was he singing behind tempo? Did he have microphone issues. I don’t know but it never quite picked up. That was a shitty performance and easily his worst to date. Sorry Elliot. A 3.5

Elliott - Home by Michael Buble.
What the fuck was he thinking choosing a song with lyrics like that. I am not familiar with song since I don’t listen to the filth that is on the ‘charts’ this day and age, but that was a pleasant performance. Randy is right. Singing tender songs, that’s his thing. A 7.5

Oprah - Kiss by Prince

I love this song. I was expecting the worst from Paris but she actually did the song justice, much to my surprise. A 7.5

Oprah - Be Without You by Mary J. Blige
Fuck you Paris. Why are you singing decently this week. It’s supposed to be your turn to leave this week. Curses. A 7 (Oh and I just realised her head is as big as Semencrust’s)

Chris - Renegade by Styx.
Oh great. Another typical angry performance from Captain Egghead. A 4

Chris - I Dare You by Shinedown
Oh great. Another typical angry performance from Captain Egghead. Shriek. Shout. Shriek. Shout. Yell. A big fat zero for Egghead. Screw you. Grow a pair. Have some self respect. Join a proper band, fuck you very much. I fucking dare you.

Katharine - Against All Odds by Phil Collins

I so fucking love this song (nevermind it was sung by FatFuck last year), but unfortunately Kat’s rendition was horrendous. She fucked it up royally. A 2.

Katharine - Black Horse and Cherry Tree by K T Tunstall
I don’t care for her writhing on stage but what a comeback. I loved it. My problem with Katharine is sometimes she gives excellent performances, other times not so much. Oh well I still love her and is my pick to win the title this year. An 8.5

Taylor - Play That Funky Music (White Boy) by Wild Cherry
Retarded or not, his performance was a thousand times more entertaining and energetical than Egghead. A 6.

Taylor - Something by The Beatles
Zzzzz… it wasn’t that good and it was excruciatingly boring. A 3.

Cumulative rankings :

1. Oprah 14.5/20

2. Elliot 11/20

3. Katharine 10.5/20

4. Taylor 9/20

5. Egghead 4/20

Boot picks :

Brain - Logically, Elliott is in danger this week since he didn’t exactly WOWed the audience. The only way he can stay in the competition is by giving superb performances every week and getting votes from new fans each week. Cause let’s face it, out of the 5 left, he might be the least marketable. Oh please, people really are that shallow and really are into appearances. How else, would you explain Egghead still being in this show.

Heart - Egghead. Like that’s not obvious. Seriously, put him in RockStar and they will devour him in a heartbeat. Fucking sell out can’t even carry a decent tune.

Gut - Initially I thought Paris would be leaving, but urghhhh… I think it’s gonna be either her or Elliott.

Golden nugget of the week : “I liked the end. When you collapse.” ~ Simon Cowell to Taylor Hicks.So what will you be doing at 01:02:03:04:05:06 later tonight? Oh give me a fucking break. Like that’s a valid reason to stay up and celebrate the moment. Bitch please. I know that moment comes once every 100 years, but so does 21:30:45:03:05:06 (the moment I’m writing this). Get what I mean?