Culturally Preconditioned

First up, in keeping with tradition since Survivor Vanuatu, I have to start this off with a cursory FUCK YOU to ntv7 for failing us Survivor fans once again. It seems getting a Malaysian on the actual Survivor show is just simply not a good enough reason to air the show on the local network (not even after an Asian finally won the show last season).

It really does look like we have to resort yet again to downloading the episode off the internet, or watching it online via youtube. It sucks. Anyway, here are links to Episode 1 on you tube

Survivor Fiji Episode 1
(Part 1/7) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlS7dE-0RUc
(Part 2/7) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3hXKA2aPLI
(Part 3/7) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxWsM9XyR6s
(Part 4/7) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeFUnG3kaoQ
(Part 5/7) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jht3SkCHSvs
(Part 6/7) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2geQ5VpX4vw
(Part 7/7) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NPLsRMqQOQ

Don’t think I’ll be uploading the episodes to yousendit cause uploading the files took me frickin ages and I have unsubscribed it’s services. But I’ll keep the episodes on my HDD, so if you need me to burn the episodes, send me an email and I’ll see what I can do.

Anyway, onwards to the Episode. Here’s a ‘quick’ recap of Episode 1. Show starts off with Jeff giving a brief background on Fiji, the cannibalism history, its rich jungle terrains and how the fear of the unknown is so overwhelming that one contestant had a panic attack and quit just before they were stranded. Panic attack my ass!!! For more information, do visit the Why Did Melissa Quit? Photochop thread at Sucks.

So 19 people are set off on rafts, with absolutely no information given to them, as they headed off towards their beach. (The only exciting thing in this image below is the TAR All Star tag at the bottom)

We go back to the premise of Cook Islands, 4 Caucasians (the bitch quit before they started), 5 African Americans, 5 Hispanics and 5 Asians - all stranded as a single team on an island. Within the first 5 minutes we already have confessionals from people with “NICKNAMES” - “Rocky” cause he looks like Stallone, “Boo” (ICK!! Boo is cute for a female, but for a hunk-a-lug like this guy? It’s so wrong), and “Dreamz” (for fucks sake btw, is what you’d think a thirteen year old would call herself, but unfortunately, it’s the loud mouthed annoying homeless African American guy cunt who needs to get off the island, pronto)

They found a pretty cool cave for shelter. Yau Man proves himself to be a total asset IMMEDIATELY by helping out around camp and opening coconuts for the others. YAY! WAY TO MAKE US PROUD, YAU MAN! Later, Jeff drops a package into the ocean and the retrieved the box. All the strongest guys started to smash the boc, drop heavy stones on it etc to open the box. Then comes little fragile Yau Man, drops the box on its corners and BOOM! The box was open. LMAO!!! GO YAU MAN!

In the package, they were given maps of the island, flints, and further instructions and diagrams and such to build a kitchen, an outhouse, toilet, picnic table etc (all the raw materials and tools - including nails, mind you - were scattered around the island). Sylvia, an Asian architect, naturally stepped up to the plate and took leadership. Interestingly enough, she didn’t come across as too bossy, and everyone (except the big lard ass Michael Moore wannabe aka Papa Smurf) listened to her, so all is good.

Too many things were going around, and there were still too many new faces, so I might skip some of the dialogues between the castaways. Yau Man once again, helps the tribe by making hot lemon tea for his tribemates. YAY AGAIN! All 19 castaways spent the night together, and then this super giant ass Dreamz just wont shut the fuck up. Dreamz and Rocky have words. I’m not a fan of either of these two guys, but I kinda wished Rocky would punch Dreamz face the fuck out. Loud, annoying fuck.

Next they were called to a challenge. Jeff talks to everyone and everyone kinda agreed that Sylvia was the leader when it came to constructing the tribe site. So Jeff calls Sylvia out and asks her to …. divide the tribe into two!!! Just like that. So she did.

For the challenge, Jeff tells them that the winning tribe will get to stay on their current camp with all the luxury. In addition to that, they will also receive a comfortable couch AND other tools like cutlery (for fucks sake! Cutlery on Survivor? And mind you, they were also given Basmati fucking Rice at camp). The losing tribe will have to go to a new camp with nothing but a bucket and a In an interesting twist of event, Sylvia - the ‘leader’ - gets exiled before the challenge starts. She will join the losing tribe after tribal council, which means, at least she will be safe from the first vote. AND in addition to that, she will get clues on Exile Island as to the whereabouts of the Hidden Immunity Idol. (There are two this season).

The view from Exile Island is frickin beautiful! But it’s infested with sea snakes. Ick! And to add salt to the wound, the clue says that the Hidden Immunity Idol is not on Exile Island, and it’s back at camp. Which camp? Who knows. But it will make searching for the idol much more difficult with everyone else on the tribe keeping their eye on you.

Moto was leading in the immunity challenge, then Ravu stole their lead, but lost to them in the end. Someone on Ravu was going home. There were some boring chit chats and ’strategizing’ going on at camp, but first boots are always boring so I’m going to cut to the chase.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

(The Ravu tribe attends their first Tribal Council. Watch what they have to say as they cast their votes.)

MICHELLE (Jessica): Girl, you’re amazing, and you’re tough, and I love you, and that’s why you’re a threat to me.

JESSICA (Rita): I’m sorry. This wasn’t my idea.

EARL (Jessica): Sorry Jessica, I love you to death, but the tribe spoke this way. It was based on the challenge from today. They said you dropped the ball a couple of times and that really hurt us when we lost. Sorry. I love you to death. You’re wonderful.

MOOKIE (Jessica): I’m sorry, but you are the weakest link.

ERICA (”Yao”): This is basically a throwaway vote. The tribe decided to vote out Jessica, and I won’t write her name down.

ANTHONY (Jessica): You don’t deserve to go, but this is purely a strategical move. Sorry.

YAO-MAN (Jessica): Sorry. Nothing personal here. This is strictly mercenary; I’m trying to stay alive to fight another day. Good luck.

RITA (Jessica): I’m sorry, Jessica. As you said earlier, for our tribe now, it had to be a majority vote, and unless the others were lying to me, this is what the majority ruled. Again, I’m sorry.

ROCKY (”Mookey”): The person I’m voting off tonight is Mookey. I think, brother, you and I realize why. Sorry, brother. (I couldn’t catch the last sentence)

FOUR different people got votes! We haven’t had this in a long long time, but buh-bye Jessica. All in all, a pretty decent episode. I’m just really glad Yau Man didn’t turn out as an incompetent, annoying old fart like Cao Boi. Way to represent, Yau Man! You are awesome! First impressions on the castaways - Like : Earl, Cassandra, Yau Man, Sylvia. Meh on all the rest. Dislike : Rocky, Erica, Boo. ABSOLUTE HATE : Dreamz.

And a little something, which I think MrsG would find erm… useful. LOL

Seriously? That pic is not photochopped. I guess apparently, Xandir P Wifflebottom was right about Jeff’s package.