Culturally Preconditioned

And the shitfest continues. I am amazed, not by the so called talent of the Top 12 guys tonight, but rather amazed with the fact that I reached home in time to watch the first contestant of the night sing. Looks like people are still on their CNY holiday break. Anyway, for those of you who are unsure of the upcoming schedule, we’re up to Top 12 Guys and Top 12 Girls. Every week for the next 3 weeks, we’re gonna lose 2 guys and 2 girls every week, till we’re down to Top 6 Guys and Top 12 Girls who will make up the Final 12 contestants. And.. for easier reference (adjusted to local time):

* Wednesday, Feb. 21 (8:00-10:00 PM) Top 12 Male Singers Perform
* Thursday, Feb. 22 (8:00-10:00 PM) Top 12 Female Singers Perform
* Friday, Feb. 23 (8:00-9:00 PM) First Results Show (Live ET/Tape-Delayed PT) – Two Male and Two Female Contestants Voted Off

* Wednesday, Feb. 28 (8:00-9:30 PM) Top 10 Male Singers Perform
* Thursday, March 1 (8:00-9:30 PM) Top 10 Female Singers Perform
* Friday, March 2 (8:00-9:00 PM) Results Show (Live ET/Tape-Delayed PT) – Two Male and Two Female Contestants Voted Off

* Wednesday, March 7 (8:00-9:00 PM) Top 8 Male Singers Perform
* Thursday, March 8 (8:00-9:00 PM) Top 8 Female Singers Perform
* Friday, March 9 (8:00-9:00 PM) Results Show (Live ET/Tape-Delayed PT) – Two Male and Two Female Contestants Voted Off; Top 12 Finalists Revealed

So let’s get down to business.

(1) Rudy Cardenas. 28, Denver - originally from Venezuela, full time singer (Free Ride by Edgar Winter)

It was pretty ballsy of him to start the show with a lively song but what the hell was that? Nasal much? And he was totally slurring some of the words. Meh. It was a forgettable performance. And Paula, Diana Degarmo is the only person in Idol history to truly open the show with a bang, bitch. 4.5 out of 10

(2) Brandon Rogers. 29, Altadena, California, background singer. (Rock With You by Michael Jackson)

That was bad in parts, and pretty much boring on all parts. Why the fuck was there a cut in the middle of his performance? That did not help at all. Not a brilliant song choice. He’s the Gideon of this season. 4.5 out of 10.

(3) Sundance Head. 28, Porter TX, works in a machine shop. (Nights In White Satin by Moody Blues)

OMG. This dude actually makes me want FatFuck back on the show. BRING BACK FAFU!!! Seriously what the fuck. I’d take FaFu anytime anyday over this guy. Seriously, I would even settle for Bobby Bennett with his Copacabana song. Shitty song, with an equally shitty performance. Ick. Hate. 2 out of 10.

(4) Paul Kim. 25, San Jose CA. (Careless Whisper by Wham.)

The bare feet? Where the hell does he think he is? His house? I don’t want to see nekkid toes on a singing competition (that goes the same to you, Semencrust). Thanks for effectively ruining one of the best classic songs ever. Remember when Syima sang this during Malaysian Idol. Good times, good times. This. was. bad. 2 out of 10.

(5) Chris Richardson. 22, Chesapeake, VA. (I Don’t Want To Be by Gavin De Graw)

Aside from the crew cut, I honestly don’t get the Timberlake reference. Timberlake is fuggo. This guy is hot. Okay I totally sound like a paedo there but it’s true. I wasn’t terribly impressed with the vocals. The bopping up and down was horrendous. He actually reminds me of a bastard child of Elliot and Jon Peter Lewis. *sigh* Elliot *sigh* But so far, this was the most palatable performance of the night so far. 5.5 out of 10.

(6) Nick Pedro. 25, Taunton, MA. (Now and Forever by Richard Marx)

Dude, even I can sing like that, and NO, that is most definitely NOT a compliment. Too much changes to a classic song is never a good thing. I don’t get Simon’s over pimping for this guy. It was not that great. Meh. Go home. 4 out of 10.

(7) Blake Lewis. 25, Seattle. Musician, beat-boxer, plays guitar and piano. (Somewhere Only We Know by Keane)

I had doubts if this dude can really sing, and I’m glad he realizes that this is a singing competition. I am mildly surprised that he can actually sing. Didn’t exactly blow my socks off but it was pretty good (helps that he sung one of my favorite songs too). I’d be suprised if this guy don’t end up in the final Final 6. Beatbox dude is beyond marketable. 6 out of 10.

(8) Sanjaya Malakar. 17, Seattle, WA (Knocks Me Off My Feet by Stevie Wonder)

His sister was totally sabotaging him with this song choice. Bitch. Personally I actually love his tone of voice, but he made the song sound really boring. Sinfully boring and really sounded a little too wimpish in some parts. He’s also too mousy for my liking. Eh. 4 out of 10.

(9) Chris Sligh. 28, Greenville, SC.(Typical by Mute Math)

Neo just called me and asked when the hell did I enter American Idol, that DICK. I won’t be caught dead wearing such uncouth heavy rimmed glasses, bitch. Anyway, I love this guy. Really nice voice. Really nice snarkiness - enough to match Simon’s! Easily the best of the night. And STFU Semencrust. God, is there a more obnoxious host than him? Allen Wooden may be boring as hell, but he’s not an obnoxious midget cunt like Semencrust. STFU! Most annoying host in the world evah. 6.5 out of 10.

(10) Jared Cotter. 25, Long Island, NY. (Back At One by Brian McKnight)

Dude! That was hawt! I take back what I said. THIS was easily the best performance of the night. Loved everything about his performance. Lovely voice, easy on the eyes. Loved. It. He kept it simple and very very pleasant. Hopefully, we’ll get to see and hear more from this guy. The only downside to the performance was that the song kinda reminded me of the horrid, HORRID performance by one of the Roman brothers. Ick. 7.5 out of 10.

(11) A.J. Tabaldo. 22, Santa Maria, CA (Never Too Much by Luther Vandross )

His voice was alright. Nothing to complain about really. Personally, I can only take so much of campiness. Boy was wayy to perky for me. Just not my cup of tea. 5.5 out of 10.

(12) Phil Stacey. 29, Jacksonville, FL. (I Could Not Ask For More by Edwin McCain)

Started off pleasant but boring. Then quickly picked up after the chorus. It was okay lah. I’m not really getting all the excessive praise for him. I have a sinking feeling that he’s going to be eye fucking every time he performs, and will be such an annoying fuck reminiscent of Constantine. Ew. 6 out of 10.

All in all, a pretty weak night. Randy was keeping it real. Simon was being his assholish self (which I love). Semencrust won’t shut his trap. And Paula was simply not drunk enough! Based on tonight’s performances, I doubt we’ll be getting a male winner this year. And since I won’t be around to make comments for the next two weeks, here are my predictions as to who I think will end up in the Final 6 for the guys :

(1) Rudy Cardenas. - FINAL SIX
(2) Brandon Rogers. - OUT
(3) Sundance Head. - DEFINITELY OUT
(4) Paul Kim. - DEFINITELY OUT
(5) Chris Richardson. - FINAL SIX
(6) Nick Pedro. - Tough call
(7) Blake Lewis. - FINAL SIX
(8) Sanjaya Malakar. - OUT
(9) Chris Sligh. - FINAL SIX
(10) Jared Cotter. - FINAL SIX
(11) A.J. Tabaldo. - OUT
(12) Phil Stacey. - Tough call but I’ll give the edge to this eye fucker. FINAL SIX.