Culturally Preconditioned

Astro’s doing a great job showing us delayed telecasts of American Idol, but can I make one request please? Can you please not taint this show by showing those useless, annoying advertisements for Akademi FanTURDia during the breaks? Seriously, the show sucks. The kids all clearly have mistaken this singing show as an acting audition. The judges try too damn much to be like Cowell. And what can I say about Gee and Roslan? It’s unfathomable how they can sit there and be ‘okay’ with this cesspool, after the brilliant talents that they’ve seen on the Malaysian Idol franchise. It’s a fricken sell out, that’s what it is and is totally unforgivable. Anyway, the theme for tonight is songs by No Doubt and those who have inspired No Doubt. How inspiring. Not. And I hate Gwen. So this was going to be a looooong night.

Lakisha Jones - Last Dance (Donna Summer)

Seriously, that is one cleavage that should have a warning sign on it that says “Smothering Weapons. Caution Advised”. It’s distracting and not in a good way. I honestly do think LaKisha is slightly overrated. As always, her vocal performance was top notch, but why does she always have the “look at me i’m singing now dammit” expression on her face? 7 out of 10.

Chris Sligh - Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic (The Police)

I got slightly physically exhausted after watching his performance. His pace was all wrong and predictably, he was panting like a thirsty dog throughout. Hideous. 2 out of 10.

Gina Glockson - I’ll Stand By You (The Pretenders)

Now, that’s what I’m talking about. Wow. That’s my girl Gina. That’s what I’ve been waiting to hear from her since Day One. She failed miserably with Alone (which I thought would really be HER song) but she did this song justice. I bloody love it. I might actually download this clip actually. 10 out of 10. Yeah, personally I thought it really was that great. I wouldn’t even care if the judges dissed it. I gave it a 10 before she even finished singing.

Mangina Malakar - Bathwater (No Doubt)

He should’ve sung I’m Just A Girl. It would’ve made a lot more sense. His performance tonight? Do you really want to know what I think? What in the fucking fuckety fuck was in bloody fuck was that? -21,000 out of 10.

Haley - True Colours (Cyndi Lauper)

Oh, no she didn’t. Bitch did NOT just destroy the most awesome song by Miss Lauper. First Nadia totally massacred Time After Time, and now this shit? You have got to be kidding me. Bleh. 3 out of 10. And FYI Haley, having annoying cunty friends in the audience that keeps shouting over the judges words don’t help either.

Phil Stacey - Every Breath You Take (The Police)

Nu uh. The Verses were sorely flat. I know he didn’t totally ruin this classic song but it sounded like just really good karaoke to me. It’s time like this when I wish Egghead Daughtry was still in the competition, cause at least he has some charisma going on. And for that, I hate you, Phil. 5 out of 10.

Melinda Doolittle - Heaven Knows (Donna Summer)

On one hand, I love that she’s singing an uptempo song, but I don’t know. I may just start to realize that her voice is well.. just too diva-ish regardless what she sings. The performance was nice but it was definitely my least favourite Melinda performance. 7 out of 10.

Blake Lewis - Love Song (The Cure)

I’m a huuuuuge fan of Blake……….. ’s song choices. Blake’s song choices = I wanna dry hump it. Seriously, he has great taste in music. As with all his previous performances, vocally, it was just terribly average. There’s nothing more I can add to that except that he did make the song sound a little more cool. 5 out of 10.

Jordin Sparks - Hey Baby (No Doubt)

I’m a Gwen hater and that song blows chunks. Jordin was such a huge disappointment for me to night. and it’s got nothing to do with the song itself. Her delivery was just paltry. I hate to say it but that’s how I feel. She still is my pick to win Idol this year though. But that was clearly my least favourite Jordin performance ever. 4 out of 10.

Chris Richardson - Don’t Speak (No Doubt)

That was surprisingly, well.. good actually. Quelle surprise. It definitely was not excellent but pretty good. Maybe it’s because he didn’t sound so whiny and nasally at all this time. And the R&B take on the song, like Randy said, was a nice touch. 7 out of 10.