Culturally Preconditioned

Did you guys know that when they were having their mandatory rest period in Malaysia, the teams were actually watching the finale of TAR10 (the one with the Beauty Queens in it) on TV ? It just occured to me, that when we spotted these racers at Batu Caves, a lot of the people there must be thinking they were filming the current version of TAR10 because the Beauty Queens were there (and I would say, they were the most recognizable of the four teams.. other than Charla and Mirna). Yeah.. believe it or not, some people really still do believe that shows like Amazing Race and Survivors are filmed in ‘real time’. This is not Big Brother, people.

Anyway, tonight they leave Malaysia. I was kinda lost in thought for the first five minutes thinking.. “my spoiling days are done” LOL. Thankfully, I snapped out of all the wishy washyness quickly. The team were to leave Kuala Lumpur and fly to Hong Kong. There was a load of great airport drama scene (20 minutes was a tad too much, but still good nonetheless). Oooh.. a little sidetracking, since TARA2 is going beyond Asia this time around, let’s hope we’ll get more airport drama this time around (or at least something similar to the bus ride to Southern Thailand).

In the last episode, the Beauty Is Only Skin Deep Queens yielded team Bitch & Bitch (otherwise known as Eric and Danielle). Honestly, as much as I hate Eric and Danielle, I don’t think yielding them was necessary because Ucheynna and Joyce were so far behind them (Oh come on, they KNEW Ucheynna and Joyce were fucked). Anyway they did. Eric & Danielle was still pissed over it. It was so funny at the KLIA, where the two teams got on the same elevator. Can anyone say aaaaawwwwkwaaaaard ? LOL Oh grow the fuck up. You didn’t lose anything Eric. If you want revenge, don’t let them see you pissed. Play nice, and when the time is right.. BAM! You can hit them right back. That kind of revenge would’ve been so much sweeter. But we’re talking about Eric here.. so I’m not surprised he acted the way that he did.

Anyway, a lot of airport drama. Basically, Danny & Oswald, the Beauty Queens, Team WTF all got on Malaysia Airlines standby list (which leaves at 915 am). Danny & Oswald and Schmirna got on China Airlines standby list (which leaves at 800 am). Danny & Oswald was the only team that managed to get on the early flight, and they passed their booking info to Schmirna (God bless the Chas). I honestly love these two teams working together and don’t mind either of them winning.

I must say it was pretty manipulative of Schmirna to bump themselves into Danny & Oswald’s standby position. It was pretty sneaky.. but hey! What’s the difference between that and teams ganging up to book tickets for each other? It’s not as if the Beauty Queens haven’t done this before. “OMG she’s so manipulative” says the beauty queen with the horsey mouth that will make Danielle from Survivor Exile Islands green with envy. Bitch please, you are all manipulative. It was kinda funny to see her say that AND smiling at the same time. LOL talk about faking a smile. Anyway, I don’t necessarily hate the Beauty Queens, I love them too cause they too are competitive.. and I love the bitchy catfights that they have with Schmirna.

Another reason to love Malaysians? Well.. there’s ME of course, you know.. spoiling TAR and helping out the most awesome team ever and giving you guys lots of flaming opportunities when I get on TARA2 (I wish)… but then there’s also Desmond at the airport, who actually gave Eric & Danielle’s standby seats away. Hahafuckingha. I love Malaysians. We didn’t even know they were gonna be loathsome at the time, but I think deep down inside, we already knew back then that these assholes would be a waste of space in TAR All Star. Seriously.. next time? Get a real team. And does that bitch Danielle ever stop whining “I can’t believe this!” or “This is ridiculous” everytime they’re at the airport? Geez! I’m just thankful at least she’s not borrowing Surya’s annoying “This is absurd” catch phrase from the Apprentice LA (which I must say, have the most pathetic Final Four ever).

Will my recap ever end? Okay I’ll get back on track.

Danny & Oswald were the first to arrive in Hong Kong and their first clue was at a dry cleaner. Mmm.. TAR producers.. stereotypical, much? There was an option of the Fast Forward (the second of only 2 Fast Forwards in the competition. They needed to drive to Hong Kong’s old international airport and get on a movie set, where a driver will drive them in a high speed car stunt. Basically, they just need to strap themselves in a car and sit. And if they don’t die, they win the Fast Forwards. Easiest fast forward challenge in the history of TAR. Unless of course, they die in the stunt (which thankfully they didn’t). So they won, head to the next pistop, were the first team to arrive and win a Travelodge package back to Hong Kong for the Chinese New Year. The end.

The Beauty Queens and Schmirna were the next to arrive in Hong Kong. Since the Fast Forward was already taken, they had to go to a Detour, between (1) Kung Fu Fighting - where they had to climb up an 11 storey high building on bamboo scaffolds and avoiding fighting ninja at the same time, or (2) Lost In Translation - basically match a store sign that is given to them in Chinese characters. I think even if you CAN read the characters, it would’ve been a total bitch. So I was not surprised to see all the remaining teams perform the Kung Fu Fighting (are you singing the tune now? LOL me too!).

The Kung Fu fighting detour was entertaining to watch. Especially when one the BQs and when Mirna had some actual kicking scenes with the kung fu fighters. LOL. And Mirna’s quote “One day kung fu fighting. One day fighting the Beauty Queens” LOL. At least she knows that she’s constantly fighting with people. But that was awesome. It was a fun detour, and again, I have the utmost respect for Charla for completing the detour even though “each step is longer than her leg”.

They next had to go to Hong Kong island on a ferry. The taxi driver actually drove Schmirna to the island, and when they got on a ferry, they realized that they were heading towards where they came from (Kowloon). LOL you can’t make these stuff up, you know. Anyway, they turned around, but they lost some time. The next roadblock was to kick down doors in a building to search for their next clue. Nothing exciting here, except for the fact that when Charla was jumping up to search for the clue in the cupboard, it kinda reminds me of a giant rat. I know that is a mean thing to say, but I’m already going to hell for laughing uncontrollably (STILL) with her whole knight in shining armour stumblefuck TWO EPISODES AGO.

Next, they had to drive themselves to Victoria Park. Oooh if I ever get on the show, my biggest fear is having to drive inside a busy metropolitan city during rush fucking hour! There’s a reason why I take the train to work and spend almost 2 hours on commuting to work everyday. I seriously hate driving during the rush hour. Especially so, for these folks, when they don’t even fucking know where the hell they’re going! Much kudos to them for not getting lost. Anyway, their next task was to pull a toy Junk (or is that spelled Jong?) carefully across a pond to retrieve the Travelocity gnome and their next clue. Riveting stuff. *le yawn*

(Intermission : the Brand’s Chicken Essence advertisement is one of the most retarded ads I have seen this year)

Anyway, yada yada yada… they all got to the pitstop. I can’t stand Danielle bitching and whining. I just can’t. Shut up, shut the fuck up, shut the bloody fuck up. But what can I expect from these two? High maintenance bitch + uber dumb jock = Typical annoying tween couple. The editors are trying way to hard to try and soften their edit down, but fuck that shit. The sooner they get off my tv, the better.

In order of arrival at the pitstop (1) Danny & Oswald (2) Dustin and Kandace (3) Charla and Mirna (4) Eric & Danielle. UNFORTUNATELY for the rest of humanity, this was a non elimination leg, which means, we’ll have to endure more suffering from watching these two. Ick. Notice Phil didn’t say “I am pleased to say that this is a non-elimination leg” ? Me thinks he might be non too pleased that this WAS an elimination leg. Ho hum.

And how could I forget.. CHARLA AND HER WHEELIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL (images thanks to hossc from Sucks)

(it was even funnier with the oompa loompa ish music in the background LMFAO)

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they did it with expert timing