Culturally Preconditioned

This was “Idols Give Back” week, and the Coldplay song that they played in the intro was very off putting and pretty much set the tone for the entire night for me. Somber, boring, unoriginal and dreadful. The entire “your vote will save lives” bit was beyond cheesy. I know it’s for a good cause, but how much will $5 million make a difference to people in Africa, AND America? It’s insignificant, and for American Idol to pull this off.. I don’t know.. I feel very indifferent and suspect at the whole thing. It’s nothing more than a shameless marketing ploy to boost their ratings. Sorry, but this is not Live Aid. THAT actually made a difference. The theme for tonight is “Songs That Inspire”, and their mentor this week was Bono (which surprisingly wasn’t shown at all during tonight’s show).

Chris - Change The World (Eric Clapton)

I’m sorry in advance if you like this guy, but this guy is bullshit. I still can’t get past his “nasally is a form of singing” comment from last week. That warrants a What The Fuck? (not just the initials WTF.. but the full fledged What The Fuck.. there, I’ve said it twice). The most retarded thing to have ever come out of any creature’s bodily orifice on national television ever. That aside, his performance tonight was not entirely disastrous. But listening to the judges comments.. whatever the hell they were smoking tonight, I want some of it. I honestly do not get the overly pimping for this Timberfake wannabe. Dude needs to go home soon. 5.5/10

Melinda - There Will Come A Day (Faith Hill)

Melinda was in top form again tonight, but I doubt anyone is surprised. I wasn’t particularly excited for the performance though. Was it the song? Was it the overall theme for tonight? I don’t know but at the very least she gave me a reason not to entirely regret watching this show tonight. And I’m really glad her innocent doe-eyed expressions are gone. Thank fuck. 7/10

Blake - Imagine (John Lennon)

Meh.. the performance was just okay for me. I’m pretty sure I will be branded as a none compassionate asshole for saying this, but personally I’ve always thought this song was a tad overrated. OoOoOoOoOooooh. The song really is just so simple, and “it isn’t hard to do” indeed. Simon, I beg to differ. Jennifer Hudson belted this song out, and it worked just right for her. I’m really surprised and annoyed that none of the judges called Blake out for pulling a ’safe’ performance at this stage in the competition. In hindsight, I think Blake choosing this song says a lot about him, because like the song itself, they are both incredibly simple, transparent and overrated. 5.5/10

Lakisha - I Believe (Mantasia)

Will she stop fucking singing every past Idol songs? It was Carrie’s Jesus last week. Now it’s Mantasia’s I Believe. What next? Kelly’s Behind These Hazel Eyes? Will she do a retarded backflip like that gray haired half-wit from last season? And whoa… that performance was bad. Like someone on the boards had mentioned, unlike her heaving bosoms (which much like Mona Lisa’s eyes - it draws your eyes wherever they go), the performance was incredibly flat. Hell, Diana did a hell lot better than this. That pretty much says how bad this performance was. Truly abyssimal. Dude, stick a fork in her cleavage, LaKisha is DONE with this show. And on an unrelated note, she kinda reminds me of Ursula from The Little Mermaid with that longblack dress. Ursulakisha. Heh. 5.5/10

Phil - The Change (Garth Brooks)

I’ve always thought Phil had the best male vocals this season. And that is so incredibly evident in tonight’s show. Not because he sang really really well, but rather due to the fact that the other two guys sucked donkey balls. The performance wasn’t half bad. I actually kinda enjoyed it a little. I’m not sure, however, why the Vote For The Worst crew are now lobbying for him (they have dubbed him as NosPhilratu - Penis With Fangs LOL) now that Sangina is gone (Thank Fuck part 2) because Phil is far from the worst in this competition. OH well, whatever works. I’m not complaining. Much. 7/10

Jordin - You’ll Never Walk Alone (from the musucal Carousel)

Randy, that was NOT the most awesome American Idol performance in all six seasons ever or whatever. It was a beautiful, haunting performance, but not as great as he’s making it out to be (much as I love Jordin). It was not flaless, but definitely one of the best performances of the night (although that’s really not saying much with the group that we have left). I’d be hella surprised if Jordin and Melinda doesn’t make it to the Final Two this year. 7/10

All in all, a pretty weak night, in my opinion, considering we are whittled down to the final six already. This really has been a bad week for television, hasn’t it? The Amazing Race on Monday was pretty much lackluster. The Apprentice LA Finale was SHIT. As in really bad diarrhea SHIT. As in, the worst finale of a reality show program in all seasons in the history of broadcasting television ever. As in, the show has proved to be nothing more than a “Worship Me” by that balding fucker Trump and his pig faced Junior (Ivanka is hot though.. I’m pretty sure she was adopted or has been at least genetically modified). As in, I hope the show will never ever be renewed ever again. As in, I wanted to kill myself for investing 14 week’s worth of downloading that crap of a show.

Okay, can someone please help me pull this ginormous stick out from my ass?

On a brighter note, Heroes has started showing again this week. Huzzah! And Survivor.. OMG OMG OMG. Best episode in a long long long long time. In like.. OMG. OMG! I am still positively orgasming over what happened last week. O.M.G. The show absolutely redefined the term “PWNED”. I fucking love it.