Culturally Preconditioned

You know what? I can’t really be arsed to watch the final 2 tonight cause I’ve got dinner plans with a long time pal from out of town. I might catch the 11:30 pm rerun tonight, but don’t think I’ll be making any other entries on The Final 2 performances tonight, so I’ll just borrow SurvivorLDog93’s excellent Play By Play over from the Survivor Sucks forum.

If you can’t wait to watch the show, look it up on youtube. I’m sure the clips will appear on there soon enough. Otherwise, you can listen to the MP3s at Rickey’s website (Here’s for Jordin’s performances, and here’s for Blake’s performances). Each of them sing 3 songs, and one ‘winning’ song - This Is My Now - yet another generic coronation song that will undoubtedly have cheesy lyrics with references to struggle, glory, shining, rainbows, dreams, reality, believe in yourself and all that fucking crap. I might add a few comments after (IF) I watch the show. From the feedback at the Sucks forum, it looks like Jordin’s a favourite to win. Go Jordin!

Oh and yet another reason not to watch this show tonight, Egghead Daughtry will be performing tonight. Let’s hope that means he won’t be in the spectacular finale tomorrow night, cause I will most definitely watch that.

Blake Lewis. After winning the coin toss, chose to go first.

You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi.

An extended beat intro, which works very well. An extended teaser right after the nicely phrased intro title line. Impressive vocal, considering who we’re listening to. And he beat-boxes his way through a phrase in the middle of the first verse. Title line, second time, a bit flat and shouty. Wisely he abandons the vocal, and beat-box-battles his way through about 8 bars with the drummer, also centerstage. Shouty ending of the title line, three times.

A 7. If it had been on pitch throughout, it might have been a 10.

Randy: I’ll give you a 10 out of 10 on the beatboxing. That was hot. The singing was just aiight.
Audience: BOO!
Paula: He’s hearing something we’re not hearing. You did far superior than at CBS. A 10 plus 10 plus 10!
Simon: Blake, you’re not the best singer in the competition, but you’re the best performer. The performance great, the singing a bit flat in the middle, you were shouting.
Audience: BOO!
Simon: But I don’t think it matters, because it was your best performance.

A standing ovation from Chris R and Phil.

Jordin Sparks.

Fighter by Christina Aguilera.

Straight hair. Attitude. Almost unintelligble lyrics to start. She does something interesting with her fingers and her hair around her temples, but vocally it’s uninteresting. The bridge, seemingly a bit off-time with the syncopated beat, although not offputtingly so. The audience is into it, as she melismizes the final line.

A 6.

Phillippi whistles through his teeth.
Audinece: JORDIN! JORDIN! :lbf
Randy: I feel like we got the great entertainer against the great singer. Not the greatest entertainment, but your voice was stellar!
Paula: This is gonna be one of the best finales ever! You were stellar! Awesome!
Simon: On a positive note, great that you chose a younger song. Because you are only 17. The vocals were shrieky in the middle.
Audience: NO!
Simon: I’m going to call Round One, to Blake.

Blake Lewis.

She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5.

Love the guitar start, with the audience clapping the beat in the background. Blake, seated on the edge of the stage, keeps it close to pitch as he delivers the proper demeanor. But he is alternately flat and sharp in spots leading into the title line, which tanks badly. False-pat ain’t his strong suit, huh? The second verse, better and sweetly delivered, but again, when he has to raise the pitch to the song, he falls short. It might have better been arranged lower, I dunno. But the second time through the falsetto is utterly painful. Break out the seat girls … it’s panic time for the voting Blakettes.

A 4.

Randy: Great song, nice vocal, man. I love when you sing naturally and pure. Very nice!
Paula: It’s good that the first number is done, and you got into the ease of the song. Very relaxed.
Simon: Uh, it was good, it was safe. Not as good as the first performance. I wouldn’t have chosen that song in the final, because it doesn’t make much of an impact.

Jordin Sparks.

Broken Wing by Martina McBride.

Comparisons aplenty available here: Diana DeGarmo and Jessica Sierra come to mind. Oooooh! Let’s put Daddy the NFL football player into the video right before we sing a song about an abusive daddy. Irony much? Okay, now for the song. Even the introductory humming sounds crappy tonight; sounded flat to me. Singing seated, I like the delivery of the first few lines, though, right on target. She stands mid-phrase, and puts the mic into the stand. The title line is powerfully delivered, and the intonation is good here. She freestyles it down the stretch as the backup singers take over the melody. But honestly? Something was missing.

A 7 or an 8. Take your pick. I’m giving it a Whatevia.

Randy: I still believe you’re still the most talented 17 year old singer. Flawless. Unbelievable. Better than the original.

:eyes :eyes :eyes

Paula: You look adorable. You are in great, great vocal voice tonight.
Simon: Now THAT was good!

Blake Lewis: This Is My Now.

Well, I remember the way the writers (who were just introduced to us) did it on the Idol website. But you know what? Blake hooked me right from the giddyup. Seated, side-saddle, with a blue background. He looks up, skyward, as if he’s looking to a higher power. (And to pull this song off, he’ll need one.) Actually palatable during the tltle line, though he quickly falls a quarter-tone flat for the bridge. Then he starts dancing like Chris Timberfake. Ugh. And what’s with the checkerboard/scarecrow looking glittervest? :lbf I was afraid this would happen; second time through the title line, it’s boring me senseless. Don’t blame it on me. *I* didn’t vote for this song. Even the final title line wobbles and falls short. Is he giving up?

:lbf

A 5.

Randy: I’m sure this isn’t the kind of song that fits your voice. But you don’t have to feel bad about it.

:eyes

Paula: I think you did a great job with the song.
Simon: I thought it was a little odd. How did you feel? Jumping around in the middle, you looked frustrated. We have to judge you tonight on your first two performances.
Audience: Polite applause.
Simon: I always said, “There’s talent in Seattle.” And I was right.

Jordin Sparks: This Is My Now.

Ryan: It’s the 17-year old’s last song of the night!

:eyes

I liked Blake’s start much better. This is pitchy and breathy. But she has greater vocal skills to call upon, and the audience is clearly behind her, having shrieked already. The song was written for Jordin, right? Oh.Gawd. Please. Not.The.Insipid.Waving.From.The.Audience.

:eyes

She misses a note here and there, but it’s much better sung than Blake’s version. I liked his interpretation better, but hers sounds like a coronation song. Even the glory note hits pretty close to home. Yeah, some pitch issues and some overacting here, but the coronation song goes to Jordin. At least until she *gags* on the final line.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

A 6.

Randy: You know what’s great about this show? It’s about the search for the next superstar. The best singing competition in the history of television. You were the best singer! You deserve it! YOU ARE WHAT IT IS ABOUT!
Paula: You frickin make me proud. I see your parents singing with you. You have a lot to be proud of. You are an angel.
Simon: Jordin, last week, I’mma be honest with you. I didn’t think you were good enough to make the finals. I was wrong. Because this is, in case we forget sometimes, a singing competition. You wiped the floor with Blake on that song.

It’s the Final Three and I’m not as excited as I should be. I have no idea why though (don’t tell me because Sangina was voted out) so let’s get this on the way. Three finalists, three song choices each.

Jordin

Judge’s (Simon’s) Pick - Wishing On A Star (Rose Royce)
The first half of Jordin’s performance was wafer thin. I had always imagined that this genre would be Jordin’s forte. She sounded pretty good, but to tell you the truth, I very much prefer the original version. And I can’t believe she has never heard of this song before.. pffft. 7 out of 10.

Producer’s Pick - She Works Hard For The Money (Donna Summer)
It was good but lacks a certain je ne sais quoi (chewah!). This would have worked so much better if she had worn a waitress costume during this performance (if you were a child of the 80s, you would know what I’m talking about). Jordin’s performance was just alright. It didn’t blow me away. 6 out of 10.

Jordin’s Pick - I (Who Have Nothing) (Shirley Bassey)
It was good but I personally thought she sounded a lot better when she first sung this song a few weeks ago. 8 out of 10.

Judge’s (Paula’s) Pick - Roxanne (The Police)
I was never a fan of this song but I shouldn’t take it out on Blake. He should take pointers from my baby girl Dilana though. Blake sang that song pretty well and it was actually mildly entertaining. I’m guessing it was because of the lack of the bleat boxing. 7 out of 10.

Producer’s Pick - This Love (Maroon 5)
I am sick to my fucking stomach of this overplayed song. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved this song when I first heard it… until the local radios picked it up and played it to fucking death. That said, for an easy song, Blake’s vocals were absolutely hideous, but then again America’s interpretation of “Idol” might be different than mine, so he might sail through this one. 5 out of 10.

Blake’s Pick - When I Get You Alone (Robin Thicke)
Aside from the final 15 seconds, that was a total mess and totally all over the pace. He may be a great performer, and I’m sure he’ll give one helluva live concert, but he’s just not my cuppa tea. 6 out of 10.

Melinda

Judge’s (Randy’s) Pick - I Believe In You And Me (Whitney Houston)
Melinda’s no Whitney but that was pretty good. She did some amazing vocals near the end of the song but the rest was just okay, in my opinion. 7 out of 10.

Producer’s Pick - Nutbush City Limits (Ike & Tina Turner)
I was too distracted by the hideousness that was the combo of her hairstyle and the rags that she was wearing. 6 out of 10.

Melinda’s Pick - I’m A Woman
Loved it. L.O.V.E.D. IT. 9 out of 10.

I’m not even going to venture a guess as to who’s going tomorrow night. I won’t be surprised with whatever’s the outcome, but my personal preference, I would love to see Melinda and Jordin in the Finals. Not that it matters, cause it’s a sure bet all these three will get recording contracts after this show is over.

ps. why the FUCK am I watching this filthy shit of a reality show called House of Carters on E! ? And I thought Growing Up Gotti was bad.

(screencap courtesy of the great folks at Survivor Phoenix)

Are you positively orgasming like I am yet?

Survivor : Fiji just ended in the US. Not going to post any spoilers here. But despite the sucky have & have-nots twist in the beginning, Survivor : Fiji has the most fantasgasmic strategic plays post merge ever. And I mean, EVER. So totally worth watching.

It’s been yonks since I last wrote a proper movie review… and I’m not about to start now. LOL These are more vents than anything, cause we all know how good I am at finding faults in others. I WILL get a lot of flack from this but screw all you haters! (Please don’t let my editors come to this blog!).. it’s just that since The Prestige last year, I don’t think there’s a movie out there worth reviewing (other than Pan’s Labyrinth - but I was way too lazy at the time. I still am, actually.. but I’m still wondering if the butchering  our censorship board did to this movie was way brutal than the fuckers did in the movie).

I mean, look at the local movie scene. Horror movies are being churned out faster than the liquid turd that goes through the rectum of a sneezing someone having fits of diarrhea. I’m a big horror movie fan. From A movies to B movies to the should’ve-gone-straight-to-the-incinerator-without-having-the-possibility-of-ending-up-on-Cinemax  movies, I WILL watch them all. I don’t know why. It’s a sickness. And even worse, I would actually PAY tickets to watch these at the movies. God help me. So far, we have Puaka Tebing Biru, Chermin, and the most recent blockbuster Jangan Pandang Belakang.. and we have Susuk coming up, as well as Waris Jari Hantu and the anticipated Dukun (watch the trailer here). Notice I didn’t include Zombie Kampung Pisang in that group? Well, if they can’t even come up with a decent horror story, I doubt they are ready to do a localized version of Shaun Of The Dead.

Puaka Tebing Biru was really weak (the only pull was the controversial “semi-nude” Fahrin shots) . Jangan Pandang Belakang was a huge disappointment. Bitch please, I’ve had scarier encounters during my boarding school days (but I have to give credit to the one single most scary bit in the movie - where Opah greets her grandson from the city - totally sent a chill down my spine). Box office success does not equal quality, I’m sorry. What they did right was the marketing aspects of the movie. The trailer was somewhat scary enough to pull  superstitious folks into the cinema, only to find themselves wondering “why the fuck didn’t they do that in the first place?” at the end of the movie. I’m all for supporting local movies, but I will never ever watch any movies by David Teoh or Prof Mohaideen ever again (I keep saying that, but I know I’ll watch them anyway. You know, it’s like.. I’m always attracted to trainwrecks). I mean, I’m all for supporting the local movie industry, but I’m not about to be all politically correct and cover filth with golden leaves or anything.

Chermin, now there’s one good movie out of the bunch. A huge kudos to all that was involved in making the film. The film was beautifully shot and the haunting story was somewhat okay. If I have any gripe with this movie, it’s Deanna Yusof’s delivery of her lines in Malay. She’s a good actress - her facial expressions are really good (and she’s drop dead gorgeous) but please next time, someone give her an English speaking role. You’d think she’d improve since the infamous “Siapa yang malu? Mereka dan keluarga mereka” line a decade ago, but you’d be wrong. Urgh.. but she’s just another part of the movie. I would say this might be the best Malay movie I’ve seen this year. (And yes, that’s taking into consideration Yasmin Ahmad’s Mukhsin - which I thought, although it was brilliantly executed, it felt like a whole lot of self indulgent on the director’s part, and dude don’t even get me STARTED on Cicakfuck. I hate that movie with a passion. Excellent technology totally wasted on a filthy script).

Okay enough on the local scene. As for this year, I thought The Reaping was quite good, although the twist did give me a Wicker Man feeling (fucking Nicholas Cage ruined the remake.. that asshole). I read a reviewed that kinda trashed The Reaping. Oh well, to each his own, but I was surprised to hear that she was disappointed that the film had no actual storyline to start with. I can only find myself snickering over that. The Reaping? As good as the underrated The Skeleton Key. The Hills Have Eyes 2 - well if you’re into gorefest, you won’t be disappointed with this one, of course. And it is better than the original Hills Have Eyes sequel (I told you I watch all kinds of horror movies).

And this brings me to 28 Weeks Later. W00t! I was so looking forward to this movie cause I absofuckinglutely LOVED 28 Days Later. I don’t think the movie had been released locally, has it? Anyway, if you haven’t seen the original, 28 Weeks Later, probably won’t make much sense to you.. and you’re more than likely go out of the cinema thinking “WTF? What’s the bloody point of this movie?”. LOL I don’t blame you. Even though I personally think this sequel is enjoyable, I can’t help but feel the director somehow didn’t manage to tell the audience the awesomeness.. i mean, the dangers of the RAGE virus. You’re probably not going to fully understand where the desperation comes from for the survivors if you haven’t watched the first movie. If you have, I’d say this movie is not going to disappoint you. Much. anyway. I actually thought the movie felt kinda short. And I think some people might possibly get some motion sickness (if you’ve seen the original, you’ll know what I mean). I liked the ending, but I can’t say that you did’t see it coming. I wonder if they’ve shot an alternate ending to this one, like they did with the first movie. Not as good as its predecessor but I’d still give this show a B+ (but if I haven’t, I’ll probably give it a C). You have been warned.
So what’s the horror movie next on my horizon? I don’t know. Perhaps any M Night Shyamalakar film that has a starring role by.. that’s right..  M Night Shyawatchamacallit. Scariest thing ever.
ps. oh my, have I gone link crazy with this post or what?

I laughed out loud when they showed Judge Judy in the audience. Can this show get any trashier? LOL I didn’t think so. And then they had to show us the cheesy Bee Gees music videos from the 18th century. What were people thinking. So this is Bee Gees week and Barry Gibb was on hand to help tutor the finalists. I never realized he had a lisp. Anyway, I think this is hands down the most disappointing Final Four performances ever. I don’t get it. The Finalists that we have are really good, but their performances tonight? Well, if I knew it was going to suck this much, I’d rather watch my cats lick their crotch (it’s hypnotizing).

Melinda - Love You Inside Out

I’m not crazy over her performance but you can kinda see that she’s now feeling really comfortable on stage. Other than that, it was typical Melinda. It was good but I would’ve enjoyed it a lot more if she chose a different song. What a wasted opportunity. 5 out of 10.

Melinda - How Can You Mend A Broken Heart

Possibly the most boring Melinda night ever. I’m disappointed. This was the time for her to wow us all (as if she hasn’t), but I’m starting to have doubts if she can really pull a win. It was a very boring and dull song choice. Bad, bad Melinda. And NO, the song ending did not buy me over. Boo. 5 out of 10.

Blake - You Should Be Dancing

This should’ve been Blake’s week to shine. The theme is right up his alley. You don’t need to be a vocal powerhorse to excel in this genre, and he has the beatboxing to edge him over the others. It was good, but again, nothing new from Blake. I thought the beatboxing kinda worked… cause discos and turntables go together. 6 out of 10.

Blake - This Is Where I Came In

There was a reason why this song originally wasn’t a hit for the Gibbs, and Blake helped us understand the reason why. The song sucked mucho. What a mess. And I realized that I can only sit through ONE Blake beatboxing performance. The one that he did with this song was just overkill. 5 out of 10.

LaKisha - Stayin’ Alive

It was interesting to hear her use her deep voice for this song. To tell you the truth, after Melinda’s and Blake’s first performances, I was already bored to tears, and LaKisha was not helping (despite what could’ve been a kick ass performance with a kick ass song). 5 out of 10.

LaKisha - Run To Me

Good song. Good performance. And good sense of fashion tonight, thank goodness. I didn’t expect LaKisha to pick up from her first performance but ths was not half bad. One of the better performances of the night, although that’s not saying a lot. At all. And the snafu at the end was forgivable. 7 out of 10.

Jordin - To Love Somebody

Urgh finally. Thank you Jordin. And such great praise from Barry Gibb too. Jordin needs really good performances to get to the Final Two, and she’s not well known for being consistent. But if she continues to pull off a string of performances like that, then everything’s good. 8 out of 10.

Jordin - Woman In Love

She knows how to do this. Pick recognizeable songs that the audience know, instead of some obscure rejected nonsense that has no business being sung in public. Another great performance from Jordin. If she keeps this up for the next two weeks, then ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you the next American Idol : Jordin Sparks. 7.5 out of 10.

Do not proceed if you haven’t seen the show, and do not wish to know who the winners are. But I’m guessing since you’re already on the internet, you probably already know who won. And if you’re with the spoiling community, like me, you’d probably already know who won back in December last year. That was when the leaked bootlist came out. Meh.

Anyway, the episode started with a short recap of the teams that got eliminated and a short summary of the 3 remaining teams. The description for Eric & Danielle, however, was “the growing respect for each other”. Whatever that writer was smoking, I want some of it to numb this pain. They started off in Guam from the last leg, and had to fly to Honolulu, Hawaii. Dustin and Kandice got on the flight to Tokyo (ETA : 3:50am) with a connecting flight to Honolulu (ETA : 7:40am). Eric and Danielle got on a later flight to Tokyo (ETA : 4:20am) with the same connecting flight to Honolulu (ETA : 7:40am). Charla and Mirna got the same flights with Eric and Danielle, but being the Amazing Airport Queens that they are, they managed to pull off a slightly earlier connecting flight to Honolulu (ETA : 7:00am). I loved watching the other two teams freak out, wondering where Charla and Mirna were (just like they all did with Romber). And Charla and Mirna were the first team to arrive in Honolulu!!

And as far as I’m concerned, the Amazing Race All Star Finale ends here. CONGRATS CHARLA AND MIRNA FOR WINNING THE AMAZING RACE ALL STARS! WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!1111!!!!!OnE!!!!

Oh well, I’ve had 4 months to digest the fact that they weren’t gonna win, based on the leaked bootlist. Seriously though, if I didn’t know, I would be uber devastated tonight. So I’m gonna proceed… *grumble* *grumble*

Once in Honolulu, they had to go to Kanaka Air Hangar and get on a charter flight to the island of Lanai. Flights leave 10 minutes apart, so the 40 minutes lead that Charla and Mirna had meant almost nothing because of the bunching at the airport hangar. Boo! To quote StepheME from Survivor Palau & Guatemala, that is sooo fucking gay and retarded.

Once in Lanai, they had to drive a jeep to Kaumalapau Harbour for their next detour which was to go (1) Over - where they had to paddle themselves, while standing, on a bouy to retrieve their clue, or (2) Under - where they had to dive to an underwater cave to retrieve their next clue. Charla and Mirna did (1) and the other two teams did (2) which seemed kinda scary for a claustrophobic person like me. They next had to drive to the Shipwreck Beach and trek 1 mile up the beach for their next clue. The race at the beach was pretty intense, but E/D finally caught up, and both them and the Beauty Queens overtook Charla and Mirna motherwhores.

okay the end. THE END.

*stifles tear*

Aaaanyway, they had to get on a kayak and paddle to the shipwreck to retrieve the clue. And wow.. those waves were bitchin! Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that kayaking in the open sea, ain’t all that easy (especially not with those rough ginormous Hawaiian waves out there) so kudos goes to all of the teams who made it. Anyone surprised Charla and Mirna was gonna be dead last in this task? Urghhh sockcuckers. Oooh and I was kinda laughing at Dustin and Kandices ‘fight’. That was possible the most tamest tiff ever recorded on reality tv history. LOL. Yes I said tamest, not lamest. Lamest goes to Eric and Danielle, of course.. the one about them fighting over buying a cup of coffee or summat.

The next clue tells them that they next had to fly to their destination city in good old San Francisco (be sure to wear some flowers in your hair). All of them got on the same flight from Honolulu to San Francisco, although the producers did a really bad job in trying to fool us thinking that Charla and Mirna was going to yet again get an earlier flight than the others.

The final challenge was at the Old Mint, where they basically had to match each other’s answer to retrieve the clue. How the task worked : First team member goes in and answer 4 question, and with their respective answers, they get a code and use it to lock the clue in a safe box. Next, the second team member goes in to answer the same sets of questions and try to match the same answer/codes. The questions :

(1) Who is the least trustworthy team

Dustin answered Rob and Amber LOL
Eric answered Danny and Oswald (anyone surprised at his grudge?)
Mirna answered Rob and Amber LOL

(2) Who has the best sense of humour

Dustin answered Ucheynna and Joyce (I don’t see it)
Eric answered Charla and Mirna (Eric gets bonus points from me)
Mirna answered Kevin and Drew (I think the prods were referring to THIS season, Mirna)

(3) Who is the most overrated team

Dustin answered Rob and Amver LOL <3
Eric answered Rob and Amver LOL <3
Mirna answered Rob and Amber LOL <3

LOL <3 <3 <3 all three of them

(4) Who would you keep in touch with after the game

Dustin answered Ucheynna and Joyce (I can see that)
Eric answered Ucheynna and Joyce (I can see that)
Mirna answered Jon Vito and Jill (I can see that, but wondering why she didn’t put the Chas)

Okay that said, everyone struggled with this challenge. The rule is, is after the second team member did not manage to figure out the code, they will be given the code after 10 minutes. That said, Danielle was the only one who managed to figure out the right code, whereas Kandice and Charla both had to wait till their 10 minutes are up. As much as I would LOVE to say “so it all ends up to who GOSSIPS a lot on this race.. that’s the key to winning a million dollar”, but I thought the challenge was FAIR, because of the 10 minute time frame given. Even Danielle only had a 2 minute lead over the Beauty Queens. Well, it’s about time she contributed something to the race aside from being a whining extraordinaire.

They tried to make the end suspenseful, but even for someone who don’t already know who was gonna win, I honestly think at that point they already know who won, who comes in second and who comes in third. Meh. The cheesy phonecall at the end between Eric and Jeremy was cheesy and unnecessary. At least Jeremy’s not hiding in the closet. LOL. I don’t like Eric and Danielle as a team. Granted that Eric is arguably one of the best racers on this show (can’t say the same for Danielle), I just don’t think they deserve a place in The Amazing Race All Star. They are a fabricated team by the producers. Fucking hell, they’re not even dating. The producers made all that up, so that they have a story to tell. Urgh.. whatever. Congratulations for making the All Star trifecta complete (that being the All Stars are cursed to have the suckiest winner possible : see Brkich, Amber from Survivor, and Janelle losing Big Brother).

I’m sad Charla and Mirna didn’t win, but I came to terms with that last December. I actually felt worse for Dustin and Kandice after their “Yeah we didn’t win.. dammit!” remarks after seeing somebody else already won. Technically, Dustin and Kandice have got the best game statistics for any teams ever on this race, so that’s close to being the true All Female Team to win The Amazing Race. A huge kudos goes to them for being undeniably one of the bext teams ever. And they really are beautiful in person, and I swear, those perpetual smiles have been surgically planted onto their faces.

Charla and Mirna.. well what can I say. I’m really glad they made it that far. Without them The Amazing Race All Star would be shit. The Amazing Race 5 would be shit. Love them or hate them, they gave viewers a reason to watch the show. Like I said, to either love them or loathe them. LOL. They are officially my favourite team ever, and possibly my favourite reality tv contestants ever. Thank you for giving us a lot of memorable moments. Thank you personally for making Amazing Race All Star one of my most memorable moments EVER. It’s a TAR fan come true, and possibly the closest I will ever get to being on this show (unless I get a certain call before June 11th). I loved that I was able to talk to Mirna not only at Batu Caves, but also at Sri Hartamas… and becoming a FERN for the day, helping her with the roadblock was.. wow. Guys, Mirna is actually nice in person. And Charla too, although I wish the production person didn’t hush me away while I was talking to her. LOL. Thank you Charla and Mirna. Thank you! <3 <3 <3

Despite the sucky winner (which was expected seeing how this is another All Stars series), I still thought this was a great season. Here’s hoping to an even better one in October! JANELLE FOR CELEBRITY TAR!!!

Some obligatory rant before I start. This has to be one of the worst day off from work ever. First off I was woken up at 2 am with someone telling me that the credit card transactions at the pump stations are unmatched. Then at 3 am, the database crashed. It crashed yet again at 8 am. This just HAD to happen on my day off from work. Then my nasi lemak conveniently slipped from the dining table and fell on the floor, which rendered me breakfastless after my very rude awakening. Then I discovered my car battery was flat cause I had accidentally left the car lights on for the past 20 hours. And to top it all off, I got lost in Dengkil after the car was fixed (cause if you’re not heading to KLIA and you can measure the plane with the size of your thumb, you fucking know you’re lost). The only thing that could possibly make this even worse was the kiddiots on American Idol butchering Bon Jovial’s songs in tonight’s show (I always refer them as Bon Jovial cause Jon Bon Jovi always looks.. well jovial).

Since we’re talking about bad days, nothing could possibly top off the absolute worst day ever that happened some four years ago. I was called by the bank because one of my cheques bounced. Turned out that a certain wanker conveniently forgot to make payments into my account. So, not wanting my name to get blacklisted by Bank Negara because of someone else’s fault, I had to rectify the situation as soon as possible. In my haste, I had an accident on the Federal Highway. Quelle surprise. I had accidentally rammed into and made a minor dent (the size of my wenis’ girth.. yeah not that big.. wait… hang on) into a lawyer’s (out of all human race possible) BMW - which costed me about RM800 in repairs, and totally wrecked my driver’s door - which actually costed me much much less (Thank God no one was hurt, as I managed to swerve to avoid a full on collision).

Oh no, it doesn’t stop there. After all the mess was sorted out, I went back home and sighed a huge sigh everything was all over. I couldn’t be more wrong. Relieved that everything was over, I went to my bedroom, dropped my car keys, my wallet and stripped right down to my underwear (this has to be said) to.. you know relax and take a huge breather in my living room. To my horror, a huge gust of wind slammed the bedroom door shut and locked it (the lock was faulty). So there I was, (almost) stark naked in my living room, and it wasn’t even noon yet. I’ll be damned if I wanted to wait for my housemate to return home (who incidentally was away till the weekend). Thankfully some of my clothes were hanging in the laundry area. I got my shirt on, but NO pants! I had to resort to borrowing my housemate’s shorts. His size is about a 28-30″ waist, and I’ve got like.. I dunno.. 64″ inches all around? So no surprise there that I couldn’t zip the pants (I got my legs through, thank goodness). I couldn’t zip up the shorts, not all the way up, but not at all. Thankfully, my shirt was a bit oversized so it covered, what could’ve been, my wenis flogging out for the public to see. (Yes you can imagine how tiny the shorts was to have my dingly dangly bits dangling out like no one’s business. Then I had to trudge two kilometres on foot under the hot afternoon sun (with wenis dangerously exposed should a huge gust of wind appear out of nowhere) to Taipan USJ to get a locksmith to come to my rescue. Yeah. Worse day ever. You can’t make that shit up even if you wanted to.

Okay enough self-pity. Tonight’s theme for American Idol - Bon Jovi songs. Woohoo! I’m eagerly waiting what Dan will have to say about tonight’s performances. And I see Gina Glockson in the audience *sniff* She would’ve rocked it tonight.

Phil - Blaze Of Glory

One of my all time favourite Bon Jovi songs and thankfully Phil brought that song justice. That was easily his best performance to date. I had high hopes for this song and he didn’t disappoint. If I have to find a flaw in that performance, I’ll have to say that his voice was missing a bit of the raw edgeiness, but that’s totally forgiveable. He could prove a surprise and end up in the Final Three. 8.5 out of 10.

Jordin - Livin’ On A Prayer

Wow. I loved the Chaka Khan hairdo. The performance was.. well, commendable. Far from her best. Parts of it, especially the chorus, was excruciating. I have come to the conclusion that Jordin is this season’s McPhee. They both got the looks and the X-Factor to win this competition, but hey are far from consistent. She’s on thin ice this week, and she knows it. Such a shame. 5 out of 10.

LaKisha - This Ain’t A Love Song

I’m not even gonna start on her wardrobe this week. If I didn’t know Bon Jovi, I never would’ve guessed this was their song. LaKisha made this song her own. I didn’t think this diva could pull off a Bon Jovi song, not in a million years, but she proved me wrong. She picked it up real good towards the end without overdoing it. One of the most enjoyable LaKisha performances to date, for me personally. Bravo! 7.5 out of 10.

Blake - You Give Love A Bad Name

I was wary of his impending techno take on this song, but I thought the beat boxing worked well in that performance, although I think there were moments that I think he overdid it. Come on. Sing already, dammit. And I don’t like the fact that Blake softens up all the songs that he sings to compromise with his beat boxing, even this one during the verses. Meh. I don’t know. Part of me loved the performance, but part of me hated him for trying to change to much. 7.5 out of 10.

Chris - Dead Or Alive

OMG I can’t get past his ‘nasally is a form of singing’ voice during the rehearsals. He puts the capital N in Nasal. And capital A, S, A and L too. I wasn’t even gonna bother sitting through his actual performance (seriously, why bother), but I did (I’m such a sucker). It didn’t make me wanna kill myself, but it falls between ‘disastrous’ to ‘fuck me my ears are bleeding’ categories. 4 out of 10. And did Semencrust actually refer to him as Timberlake? *gag to all three of them*

Melinda - Have A Nice Day

At first, she does remind me of Tina Turner. Then reminds me of Janet Jackson during her whole Black Cat stint. But the more I listen to the performance, the more I think she was plain shrieking throughout the song to make her voice sound ‘rough’er. Le sigh. Well she tried her best, I guess. I loved her ‘tude on stage though. Well unless she pulls a major snafu like Dilana in Rockstar Supernova, Melinda already has this competition in the bag, so I’m not overly worried for her this week. 6 out of 10.

All in all, a pretty decent night considering rock is not for everybody, and half of the people left are divas. Since we had a free pass competition this week, tomorrow we wil see two singers cut from the show. I wouldn’t mind seeing LaKisha get cut, but Chris really needs to go. I think Phil and Jordin is also on the bubble tonight, so we’ll see. I don’t care who goes as long as Melinda stays in the competition. Go PRINCESSFIONA!!! <3 Melinda <3