Culturally Preconditioned

Do not proceed if you haven’t seen the show, and do not wish to know who the winners are. But I’m guessing since you’re already on the internet, you probably already know who won. And if you’re with the spoiling community, like me, you’d probably already know who won back in December last year. That was when the leaked bootlist came out. Meh.

Anyway, the episode started with a short recap of the teams that got eliminated and a short summary of the 3 remaining teams. The description for Eric & Danielle, however, was “the growing respect for each other”. Whatever that writer was smoking, I want some of it to numb this pain. They started off in Guam from the last leg, and had to fly to Honolulu, Hawaii. Dustin and Kandice got on the flight to Tokyo (ETA : 3:50am) with a connecting flight to Honolulu (ETA : 7:40am). Eric and Danielle got on a later flight to Tokyo (ETA : 4:20am) with the same connecting flight to Honolulu (ETA : 7:40am). Charla and Mirna got the same flights with Eric and Danielle, but being the Amazing Airport Queens that they are, they managed to pull off a slightly earlier connecting flight to Honolulu (ETA : 7:00am). I loved watching the other two teams freak out, wondering where Charla and Mirna were (just like they all did with Romber). And Charla and Mirna were the first team to arrive in Honolulu!!

And as far as I’m concerned, the Amazing Race All Star Finale ends here. CONGRATS CHARLA AND MIRNA FOR WINNING THE AMAZING RACE ALL STARS! WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!1111!!!!!OnE!!!!

Oh well, I’ve had 4 months to digest the fact that they weren’t gonna win, based on the leaked bootlist. Seriously though, if I didn’t know, I would be uber devastated tonight. So I’m gonna proceed… *grumble* *grumble*

Once in Honolulu, they had to go to Kanaka Air Hangar and get on a charter flight to the island of Lanai. Flights leave 10 minutes apart, so the 40 minutes lead that Charla and Mirna had meant almost nothing because of the bunching at the airport hangar. Boo! To quote StepheME from Survivor Palau & Guatemala, that is sooo fucking gay and retarded.

Once in Lanai, they had to drive a jeep to Kaumalapau Harbour for their next detour which was to go (1) Over - where they had to paddle themselves, while standing, on a bouy to retrieve their clue, or (2) Under - where they had to dive to an underwater cave to retrieve their next clue. Charla and Mirna did (1) and the other two teams did (2) which seemed kinda scary for a claustrophobic person like me. They next had to drive to the Shipwreck Beach and trek 1 mile up the beach for their next clue. The race at the beach was pretty intense, but E/D finally caught up, and both them and the Beauty Queens overtook Charla and Mirna motherwhores.

okay the end. THE END.

*stifles tear*

Aaaanyway, they had to get on a kayak and paddle to the shipwreck to retrieve the clue. And wow.. those waves were bitchin! Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that kayaking in the open sea, ain’t all that easy (especially not with those rough ginormous Hawaiian waves out there) so kudos goes to all of the teams who made it. Anyone surprised Charla and Mirna was gonna be dead last in this task? Urghhh sockcuckers. Oooh and I was kinda laughing at Dustin and Kandices ‘fight’. That was possible the most tamest tiff ever recorded on reality tv history. LOL. Yes I said tamest, not lamest. Lamest goes to Eric and Danielle, of course.. the one about them fighting over buying a cup of coffee or summat.

The next clue tells them that they next had to fly to their destination city in good old San Francisco (be sure to wear some flowers in your hair). All of them got on the same flight from Honolulu to San Francisco, although the producers did a really bad job in trying to fool us thinking that Charla and Mirna was going to yet again get an earlier flight than the others.

The final challenge was at the Old Mint, where they basically had to match each other’s answer to retrieve the clue. How the task worked : First team member goes in and answer 4 question, and with their respective answers, they get a code and use it to lock the clue in a safe box. Next, the second team member goes in to answer the same sets of questions and try to match the same answer/codes. The questions :

(1) Who is the least trustworthy team

Dustin answered Rob and Amber LOL
Eric answered Danny and Oswald (anyone surprised at his grudge?)
Mirna answered Rob and Amber LOL

(2) Who has the best sense of humour

Dustin answered Ucheynna and Joyce (I don’t see it)
Eric answered Charla and Mirna (Eric gets bonus points from me)
Mirna answered Kevin and Drew (I think the prods were referring to THIS season, Mirna)

(3) Who is the most overrated team

Dustin answered Rob and Amver LOL <3
Eric answered Rob and Amver LOL <3
Mirna answered Rob and Amber LOL <3

LOL <3 <3 <3 all three of them

(4) Who would you keep in touch with after the game

Dustin answered Ucheynna and Joyce (I can see that)
Eric answered Ucheynna and Joyce (I can see that)
Mirna answered Jon Vito and Jill (I can see that, but wondering why she didn’t put the Chas)

Okay that said, everyone struggled with this challenge. The rule is, is after the second team member did not manage to figure out the code, they will be given the code after 10 minutes. That said, Danielle was the only one who managed to figure out the right code, whereas Kandice and Charla both had to wait till their 10 minutes are up. As much as I would LOVE to say “so it all ends up to who GOSSIPS a lot on this race.. that’s the key to winning a million dollar”, but I thought the challenge was FAIR, because of the 10 minute time frame given. Even Danielle only had a 2 minute lead over the Beauty Queens. Well, it’s about time she contributed something to the race aside from being a whining extraordinaire.

They tried to make the end suspenseful, but even for someone who don’t already know who was gonna win, I honestly think at that point they already know who won, who comes in second and who comes in third. Meh. The cheesy phonecall at the end between Eric and Jeremy was cheesy and unnecessary. At least Jeremy’s not hiding in the closet. LOL. I don’t like Eric and Danielle as a team. Granted that Eric is arguably one of the best racers on this show (can’t say the same for Danielle), I just don’t think they deserve a place in The Amazing Race All Star. They are a fabricated team by the producers. Fucking hell, they’re not even dating. The producers made all that up, so that they have a story to tell. Urgh.. whatever. Congratulations for making the All Star trifecta complete (that being the All Stars are cursed to have the suckiest winner possible : see Brkich, Amber from Survivor, and Janelle losing Big Brother).

I’m sad Charla and Mirna didn’t win, but I came to terms with that last December. I actually felt worse for Dustin and Kandice after their “Yeah we didn’t win.. dammit!” remarks after seeing somebody else already won. Technically, Dustin and Kandice have got the best game statistics for any teams ever on this race, so that’s close to being the true All Female Team to win The Amazing Race. A huge kudos goes to them for being undeniably one of the bext teams ever. And they really are beautiful in person, and I swear, those perpetual smiles have been surgically planted onto their faces.

Charla and Mirna.. well what can I say. I’m really glad they made it that far. Without them The Amazing Race All Star would be shit. The Amazing Race 5 would be shit. Love them or hate them, they gave viewers a reason to watch the show. Like I said, to either love them or loathe them. LOL. They are officially my favourite team ever, and possibly my favourite reality tv contestants ever. Thank you for giving us a lot of memorable moments. Thank you personally for making Amazing Race All Star one of my most memorable moments EVER. It’s a TAR fan come true, and possibly the closest I will ever get to being on this show (unless I get a certain call before June 11th). I loved that I was able to talk to Mirna not only at Batu Caves, but also at Sri Hartamas… and becoming a FERN for the day, helping her with the roadblock was.. wow. Guys, Mirna is actually nice in person. And Charla too, although I wish the production person didn’t hush me away while I was talking to her. LOL. Thank you Charla and Mirna. Thank you! <3 <3 <3

Despite the sucky winner (which was expected seeing how this is another All Stars series), I still thought this was a great season. Here’s hoping to an even better one in October! JANELLE FOR CELEBRITY TAR!!!