Culturally Preconditioned

Movies Galore!

I’ve been keeping myself busy with movies lately, now that most reality shows on television has ended it’s respective seasons (but I’m still looking forward to Pirate Masters, Top Chef 3, Hell’s Kitchen and Big Brother to air). With blockbuster month, and the French Film Fest in town, I have been a really busy busy bee at the cinema. Unlike last year, I only took one day off from work to catch them all. Here are some short reviews of the movies (will upload screenshots of the movies later)

Pirates 3

Let me put it this way. Pirate Masters (the new reality show by Mark Burnett) >>>> dogshit >>>> watch Danielle and Eric win Amazing Race again >>>>> forced to have sex with Miss Alki of TWoP > Pirates of the Carribean 3 > being forcefully bonded by company. I blame it on high expectations going in. I hate to admit it, but the movie’s twist and turn made me feel dumb with a capital B. I wanted this Pirates movie to be a carefree, visual effects, funny witty lines extravaganza, but the many many unnecessary and useless subplots made me hate this movie. AND we only get to see Savvy Sparrow 50% of the movie. Where’s the fun in that? And Kiera Knightley’s motivational speech should win her a Raspberry Award. Let’s hope we’ll see more Sparrow and his wit in the fourth installment. If there is one, that is. 4 out of 10.

Shrek 3

One of the movie reviewers from The Star said it best. Shreak 3 is a prime example of a movie that just doesn’t know when to quit when it should. The jokes are recycled, the storyline seemed to have been written by a 6 year old, and the new characters are just boring. I honestly dozed off for a good 5 minutes during the movie. Mike Myers should’ve stick it with Austin Powers and Fat Bastard. 3 out of 10.

Spidey 3

A lot of people have been saying Spidey 3 sucks. What can I say, I actually didn’t hate the movie. The movie has allowed itself some self indulgence, what with the whole Emo Peter parker scenes and all. The two added characters/villains in this movie was a nice touch, but I could do without 70s Eric’s acting and Sandman pitiful sob fucking story. The movie tries to bind everything up in the end, but it seemed rather forced and cheesy. I did however, enjoy, the storyline that didn’ make me wreck my brain trying to figure out what in flying fuck is going on, the visual effects and whatever minute character development in Peter Parker, Mary Jane and Harry Osbourne. That said, I do think it’s a good time to retire our webbed friend. 7 out of 10.

I Don’t Wanna Sleep Alone

I watched the critically acclaimed movie by Malaysian born Tsai Ming Lian out of curiosity. I mean, getting a 93% fresh rating on rottentomatoes can’t go wrong, right? Well, I might be dumb, but at the end of the movie, I was totally blank on what the movie was trying to achieve. As much as I want to be pretentious and go “wow.. that movie was so deep”, I just can’t. Was it being too artsy? Too simple? Too metaphoric? Too tongue in cheek? Who knows? I simply did not enjoy the movie, cause I just couldn’t figure out, other than friendship, what the director was trying to tell us. Maybe I’m just that dumb. I simply did not get it. 2 out of 10.

The Namesake

I absolutely loved Mira Nair’s Monsoon Wedding, so I went into this movie with slightly high hopes. Once again, Nair returns to her roots in India, which is always fun if it’s done right. Like Monsoon Wedding, it follows the story of immigrants and how they are attached to their homeland no matter how far or how long they’ve been away from it. The Namesake refers to the birthname of an American-born Indian, Gogol - which interestingly enough refers to Russian writer Nikolai Gogol, which the viewers will only find out near the end of the movie how the nam came about. The pace seemed slow but there was no point in rushing through this movie. The cinematography and background music is amazing. An amazing delivery by Mira Nair, and I can’t wait for her next one. 8 out of 10.

Mon Meilleur Ami (My Best Friend)

One of the best French drama I’ve seen. No make that one of the best dramas I’ve ever seen. Reminiscent of last year’s Men’s Heart, but slightly better, this movie tells a story of friendship between two men - a loner, loser and miser in the form of an antiques dealer and a walking encyclopedia in the form of a taxi driver (who reminds me of know-it-all Charlie from Heroes). I still can’t make out how the French have managed to pull off male bonding stories like this without having it sounding or looking too gay (not that there’s anything wrong with it), or being overtly feminine and touchy feely. How I wish, one day our film industry would be able to produce something even remotely like this. The movie isn’t too deep, too complex and too serious, but it certainly drives the point home. Easily one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. 9 out of 10.

La Science Des Reves (The Science of Sleep)

A story that meshes between fantasy and reality, it revolves around a young Mexican artist, Stephan, played by Gael García Bernal - the talented Mexican actor who starred in gems like Bad Education and The Motorcycle Diaries (mark my words, he will be the next one to watch in Hollywood). The story has a surreal take on Stephan’s perception between his current work at the calendar printing company, and his crush on his next door French neighbour. His aloofness in the movie is endearing but weird doesn’t even begin to describe this movie, which is a shame because Gael’s talent (and character) seems to be totally wasted in this movie. Piffles. 5 out of 10.

La Vie En Rose (La Mome)

An autobiography loosely (I think) based on the life of France’s best foreign export to the musical world, Edith Piaf. The film chronicles Edith’s life, starting with her poor upbringing, on the streets and in the den of a whore house (sad, but true), to her singing on the streets, and getting discovered, and the rest is, as they say, history. I personally find the movie, a tad boring. To tell you the truth, I’d rather see Evita again. Another beef that I have with this movie is that I can’t find myself feeling any compassion towards the main character. Not even an iota of sympathy. They may have wanted to portray Edith as a misunderstood diva with a troubled past, but all that went through my head was why-wont-you-die-quicker-you-annoying-cunt. It’s a pity cause her life story really did some colourful, but sorry, that’s how I feel about the movie. But I have to say Marion Cotillard shined in the title role. 6 out of 10.

Mon Petit Doigt M’a Dit (By The Pricking of My Thumbs)

This is a French adaptation of one of Agatha Christie’s crime story. Not being a fan of Agatha Christie (such blasphemous statements by a writer, I know), my expectations weren’t high going into this movie. The movie turned out to be a delight in terms of quirky characters, but the plot - the revelation and resolution of the mystery was somewhat just average to me. The movie starts with the deaths of several occupants of an elderly home. The curiosity of a relative led her to investigating an old abandoned house which holds a secret that has been keep for a generation. The story does indeed have it’s share of black humour and spontaneous dialogues, but as a murder mystery, unfortunately personally it falls a little short. 5 out of 10.

Je vous Trouve Tres Beau (You Are So Beautiful)

An interesting take on mail order brides. A farmer loses his wife and he is left to tend his farm alone. It’s funny seeing how the farmer is more sad that no one is there to take care of the farm, than the loss of his wife. A suggestion led him to flying to Romania, a place where many women are waiting for arranged marriage to get them out of poverty, to find himself a new bride. And so he does. What started off as mutual beneficial agreement (only on his side) grew to affection and ultimately love. The pace for the story is slow, and they flow of their growing feeling seems a little flawed in parts, but in the end, it’s just a non conventional love story that will leave you going ‘awww‘ in the end. 7 out of 10.

Fauteuils d’orchestre (Avenue Montaigne)

This story combines a confetti of characters that takes place in a hall on a weekend where a play, an arts exhibition and a concert rehearsal is taking place. The play substory follow the trails of a high profile television star who is trying to break out of her mold, doing theaters and movies. The arts exhibition focused on the estranged relationship between a father and his son. Whereas the concert rehearsal tells a tale of a disgruntled pianist, who is thinking of giving up performning, and his relationship with his manager. All the separate lives are entwined by the presence of a cheerful, naive and cute blond waitress. The story in itself, like a lot of other French dramas, is about nothing except the daily going ons and lives of random people. And like a lot of other French dramas too, this one works. 6 out of 10.

Hors De Prix (Priceless)

OMG I fucking love Audrey Tautou. I loved her in Amelie and I love her even more in Hors de Prix. Her character has turned a complete 180 in this movie. Tautou plays Irene, simply put, a gold digger who only have eyes for rich guys. Somehow, she ended up in bed with Jean, a hotel staff whom she thought was a millionaire. Irene loses interest, and Jean continues to pursue her. The movie has it’s surprising turn of events, which I shall not say here. Basically it all ends up to the question of whether can money buy happiness and love. Does this movie answer that question? That basically depends on your personal interpretation to the age old question. Set in amazing Cote d’Azur (which I only have fondest memories of), with amazing actors (Tautou is a goddess) and an interesting storyline (which is close and dear to my heart), I can not but give twenty thumbs up for this movie. Even watching the trailer makes me want to watch this movie again. 10 out of 10.

The WhatInFuckingShit

Waris Jari Hantu

Azean Irdawati’s acting is superb, as always, but that’s about it. I came in to this movie with the preconception that it was going to be a horror movie on ’saka’ (which is real, I tell you, REAL!). I knew one of the characters was that of an effeminate man, but I had to idea 90% of the movie was going to be focused on the trials and tribulations of a transvestite. For fucks sake. The horror bit didn’t even have anything much to do with this whole movie at all.. it just sorta ties up things in an ‘asal boleh’ kinda way. I mean, bravo and congrats to Shumi for trying to make viewers see their side of things (being unaccepted in the community bla bla fucking blah), but why is she guising behind a so-called horror movie, to present what could’ve been an actually decent drama? Cashing in on the horror fad, no doubt. Shame on you. Shame. on. you. You have successfully completed the Prof Mohaideen-Patrick Teoh-Suhaimi Baba trifecta. FOR SHAME. 1 out of 10. (disclaimer : if this movie was marketed as what it really wanted to showcas, I’d possibly give it a 7 out of 10). ps. there ARE a lot of ’saka’. We have that tiger ’saka’ in the movie, and we have hundreds of ’suckers’ in the audience. Myself included