Culturally Preconditioned

No that is NOT cheese. It’s the signature Chocolate Durian dessert from Just Heavenly Cakes.  After weeks of reading about Nigel’s desserts and cakes from, I don’t know, the thousands of food blogs out there, I finally managed to try it out today, having the day off from work. We read quite a number of less than desirable reviews on the nearby Chef & Brew, so we were reluctant to eat there at first. But since Nigel’s cake shop was just opposite the restaurant, we soldiered on because we just HAD to have the cakes. Sure enough the desserts are top notch. I’m really looking forward to their new creations. Yum. Yum. Yum. As for the food at Chef & Brew, I don’t think it was that bad. It’s actually palatable. Okay la.. although the burger that I had pretty much compels me to make my own meatloaf again sometime this weekend. Anyway, don’t worry, I’m not going to turn into another flogger.. Don’t think I’m gong to write on food stuff much after my stint with Fine Restaurants & Villas magazine.

I’m here to write on two cheesy reality shows that’s currently on the air this summer. The first one, Hell’s Kitchen, stars the (in)famous British chef, Gordon Ramsay. Those who have seen his docu/reality cooking shows on Discovery Channel would know that he’s got a mouth on him. In terms of nasty commments, I’d rank Ramsay >>>  Cowell > Izad. Hell’s Kitchen is currently on it’s third season in the States and the first episode just aired last week. This is my first time watching this series, but I’m guessing it’s just one of those reality cooking shows like Top Chef (which I absolutely love and will start it’s 3rd season next week).

Hell’s Kitchen started off pretty innteresting, with Ramsay mouthing off to the contestants within the first minute of their meeting. They were all ordered to come up with their signature dishes pronto! - which led me to think that if I was ever in their position, what would MY signature dish be? I’d probably make my classic lasagna or a portobello burger - I can only imagine what Ramsay’s response would be if I were to serve him my true signature dish - Gulai Ayam Asam Pedas! Anyway, during Ramsay’s initial ‘judging’ one of the contestants almost fainted because she was a total nervous wreck, worrying what Ramsay would be. Can I just say WOW?

Oh and we have loads of drama on this show. And I thought Akademi Fantasia was bad! We have contestants crying the Yang Tze River on this show. And that guy in that picture? Wow. All Ramsay asked him was “Aaron, how are you feeling?”  and he fucking broke down and cried!! LMAO. He wasn’t even provoked or anything by Chef Ramsay. The fear totally got to that guy.. he totally wouldn’t last a minute in a boarding school I tell ya. You know it’s a good show when the host tells the contestant “Get a fucking grip!!”. LOL

Oh yeah there goes the waterworks again. And again, Chef Ramsay wasn’t even saying nasty things to him! LOL Oh dear lord help me get through this show. I fucking love it. Anyway, the show divides the teams into men and women, and each team had to work together in separate kitchens to prepare dishes for Hell’s Kitchen’s guests. One of the teams would be considered a loser, and the team supervisor nominates two team members for elimination - with Chef Ramsay finally sacking one of them. This aspect of the show is different from Top Chef - first off, the chefs weren’t judged on their cooking (this time) but rather how they handle themselves in the kitchen, and secondly there were nominations for the bootees.

The premise of the show itself seems a little weak for me, compared to Top Chef, but I will be watching it to see how far Aaron will go in this game, and also just to watch the fouled mouth Gordon Ramsay at work. Oooh and also, I think the top prize for Hell’s Kitchen is tenfolds better than Top Chef.

Another cheesy reality show that’s a must see is Mark Burnett’s new Pirate Master. I think it’s meant to be a summer replacement for Survivor, but the show is oh so fucking cheesy. It’s so bad that you just have to watch it for yourself. LOL.  The premise of this show is 16 ‘pirates’ (aka. Survivor applicants rejects) is on board a pirate ship. They are set to sail finding treasures all over (they are given new maps every week). Every gold buillion that they get during each week, they get to keep and use after the game. I’m still a little unclear on the actual rules of the game, cause I believe it is not fully revealed to the contestants and the viewers as of now.

The teams were divided into two, and the winning team gets the weekly treasure. They next had to choose a captain. After choosing the captain, the captain chooses two right hand man. It was only then revealed that the captain gets to keep half of the treasure -  but he can use it however he wants (keep it or distribute it or use it for bribery etc). The rest of the crew becomes his wenches. At the end of the episode, the captain nominates 3 crew members to be ‘cut adrift out at sea’ (LOL!) and the rest of his wenches votes on who they want to cut adrift. However, should every one of his wenches choose to vote the captain out (a mutiny) , then he will be ‘cut adrift’ and a new captain will be chosen. Confused? So am I.

The show looks promising. It’s a mix between NBC’s Treasure Hunters, Survivor and Big Brother all rolled into one. What makes this show so cheesy was the entire role playing. The mascara.. LOL the eye goop is just disturbing. And The lines are so rehearsed, you can’t help but laugh. Okay here’s an exchange between one of the nominees for the boot AND the captain during Pirate’s Court (aka Tribal Council) - transcript taken from realitytvworld’s recap :

“I have to say that for myself, I know why my ass is on the line, and it’s because I did not vote for Joe Don (the Captain) when the treasure was split up… When the rest of my crew said they wanted him to be the Captain.  That makes me dangerous and it says subversion and all sorts of things, and he’s been defensive about it the whole time,” explained John.  “Basically, I do think the Captain should go, and I have a very convincing argument for it.  These compasses are your only compasses.  They’re your only navigational aids.  I have them.  If I go, they go… Do you really want Louie to go?  Do you really want Joy to go?  Do you really want to lose the compasses?  Or, do you want to send-off the guy who took $20,000 and gave everybody else additional duties and zero dollars for doing that duty!?  Maybe consider the Captain should have been the one receiving the Black Spot.”

With John’s case clearly made, J.D. responded.  “At night, the Big Dipper points to the North Star,” he said, attempting to show off his navigational skills.  “You know where north is, you know where south is, you know where east and west are.  During the day, you put a stick in the mud, it casts a shadow.  Mark the end of that shadow, wait 30 minutes, it will cast another shadow.  Draw a line between the two, and you have east and west, and you know what north and south is.  I don’t need your compasses… And I don’t need you.”

It seemed that John (the nominee) stole the compasses so that the crew won’t vote him out. LOL as if the producers are going to let the crew go ahead without giving them new compasses. Anyway, after the Captain’s statement, John asked the Captain so which way points north. The captain looks up in the cloudy sky for an eternity and said “I don’t know” (cause the sky was cloudy that night). LOL. I know!

And for what it’s worth, this is John :

Scientist/Exotic Dancer.. OMFGROTFLMAO!! You can’t make that shit up!!!! LOL LOL LOLLLLgasm. Anyway, I’m definitely tuning in to watch this trainwreck of a show. At least until Top Chef and Big Brother starts for the summer.