Culturally Preconditioned

And by karma, I mean donkey.

So did anyone else missed the debut of The Amazing Race 12 on AXN? I can’t say that I’m surprised since there have been zero advertisement on this on AXN. They didn’t even bother to update the on-air tv listings. Well if you managed to catch it, I think everyone can safely say that the 5 minutes of TAR 12 team introduction >>>>>>> 60 minutes of TARA2 Meet The Racers drivel. When the only team that you’re actually really rooting for in the Amazing Race ASIA turns out to be an AMERICAN couple, it just says so much about the wonderful work that these people are doing at the casting department eh? Let’s see.. me think people Asia like Malay.. like Chinese .. like Hindu.. no speak aahh so good English.. Asian peepel only like watch pretty pretty face on tv. Well fuck you, McKay. Not a single contestant in the Meet The Racers even mentioned that they were really huge fans of the show (convincingly). And a very special fuck you too Edwin. Anyone who claims to be a drama king, and the Asian Romber deserves that fuck you. Buncha mediawhores. BAH HUMBUG.

Anyway, back to The Amazing Race 12 debut. Was it as good as I think it would be? You bet. And like always, I still haven’t bothered to memorize everyone else’s names just yet. Hell, I never figured out which one was Eric and which one was Jeremy, until one of them got on to the Amazing Race All Star. And wha-hey! Eric personally called me douchebag! YAY! I’m totally honored that a half-millionaire called me a douchebag *BLUSH* But everything’s a two-way street over at Sucks, so I really don’t mind that - especially since he admits that Danielle was a useless, whiny whore who didn’t deserve to be on All Stars in the first place.

Okay, okay… Back to TAR 12….

For the next couple of weeks, I’ll be calling them with these nicks.. so deal with it.

I love the mix of contestants this time around. A good mix of dating couples (three, which is just nice).. sisters, grandad and grandson, coworkers, goth freaks, father daughter.. awesome awesome awesome… the same can NOT be said of the TARA2 mix. Unless you’re that shallow and mistaking the show with a Z-grade of Temptation Island.

Okay okay.. I’ll stop. Not. This is just a short preview of things to come when the show starts in three weeks *evil and malicious laugh*

The race started off in the Playboy Mansion (I was kinda hoping that Victoria of Jonathug/Victoria would make a cameo… well not really).. and they are off to IRELAND! How exciting! Have the race been to Ireland before? I dunno.. but it certainly was an interesting first stop. Europe baby! The race had a quite chaotic start, only to be halted by all the cars honking when the team at the front of the pack (team Grandad - I’m ignoring the grandson.. he kinda reminds me of that tool Bicthell from the Outback.. who was just.. there, ya know) blocked their way out of the compound. What an adrenaline killer. LOL. I also loved Kunt & Vixen’s comment - Oh my Goth. Hahahaha they sure are a caricatrue of themselves. And yes, I know it’s Kynt not Kunt.

Then on to the airport for some airport drama. The fastest teams got onto the British Airlines flight (which leaves earlier), and the rest on some other airline which sounded a lot like Cunnilingus Airlines. Oh my.. hmmm… Interestingly enough, the latter flight arrived in Ireland first, which is probably a sign for travellers in the future, to always choose the most filthy sounding airline if you need to come quicker. Oooh err.

Anyway, team Hank Azaria and team Yao Man/Michelle (from Survivor Fiji, for those of you who didn’t watch the show) formed some sort of an alliance by working together to get a cab in Ireland upon arrival. But this wouldn’t be The Amazing Race Asia unless people steal your cab - a task which was swiftly taken care of by Team Karma Bitch (well, in all fairness, Ari did say he was a bigger bitch than karma).

That minor drama aside, teams next had to head to a ferry terminal and head to “the smallest church in the world”. Upon reaching there, they had to sign up for a ferry back to the mainland (the ferry leaves at 30 minutes intervals). Just as I thought this was going to be a great episode, we were faced with our first ever BUNCHING! After all the excitement, all 11 teams were bunched up at the ferry.. which was kind of a mood killer, for the teams.. and for the viewers too, I’m sure.

Next day, off they went back to the mainland, where they have to drive to Cleggam Farm and ride a tandem bike. Nothing much going on here, except the fact that Lorena started bickering and crying in the car… “You’re not going the right way. Listen to me wah wah waaaah”. For fucks sake, am I reliving Ambwhore from Big Brother 8 again?? God, spare me from another whiny crying self-sympathetic biatch, please!

Moving on to the Roadblock. Teams had to cross a beam on high cliff using a high wire bike. Yowza! That looked so fucking unbelievably awesome. I have no doubt that I would be drenching my team mate with piss if I were to do that roadblock. For real real. After the high wire, teams had to bring a donkey some few kilometres off a track to get their next clue.

I fucking laughed my ass off when Nathan & Jennifer (team Cheater - I don’t want to go off on a tangent here, but anyone who goes back to a cheater in hoping that ‘things will get better’ ? … idiot idiot idiot. And that goes to all of you that I know in real life, you know who you are) made the poor donkey hyperventilate.

HAHAHAHAHA That was so fricken priceless (obviously not for the poor mule, but still.. ha ha *points and laughs*). It was incredibly amazing that 7 other teams took over during that challenge. Well it sucks to be them, but it was even suckier to be team Karma Bitch. Their donkey just would not budge. I’m surprised no one shouted out “MY DONKEY IS BROKEN!”. Nah.. that can only be pulled off by Colin and his ox. Anyway, in the end, team Karma Bitch was eliminated. I was kinda bummed because I think they would’ve made the show a bit more interesting.

In order of arrival at the pitstop

1. Hank Azaria <3
2. Kunt & Vixyn <3 <3 <3
3. TK & Rachel (Team Hippie)
4. Jason & Lorena (Team Bobbit) <3
5. Nicolas & David (Team Grandad)
6. Shana & Jennifer (Blondies) - wow what a superb comeback
7. Ronald & Christina (Yao/Michelle)
8. Kate & Pat (Token Lezzies) <3
9. Mariana & Julia (Maria Mariana) <3
10. Nathan & Jennifer (Team Cheater)
11. Ari & Stella (Karma Bitches)