Culturally Preconditioned

Surprised that the new season has actually started? Well you should be since there have been a total of TWO promos of season 13 on AXN. Anyway, quick thoughts on the episode since I haven’t packed shit for my trip back to JB tomorrow.

You know what I love more about TAR than TARA? It’s how the first clue tells you to immediately get out of the country. I dunno.. that just screams “THE RACE IS FUCKIN AWN, PEOPLE!” to me. I didn’t really check out the racers’ bios before the race started so they’re all new to me. No teams really stood out, except for the beekeepers.. and not in a good way. For one, that lady reminds me of Scunt Cloud Lee, perhaps the most useless hag to have ever grace the show that is called Survivor. And their horrid, horrid tie dyed shirts. Major ick. I’m sure they’re nice people.. but yuck. Other racers that stood out.. well none, really at this point, although Terence and whatzername kinda bothered me somewhat. Couldn’t quite put a finger to what as of now. The rest are just meh for now.

As for the tasks, I thought they were all great. Especially the scaling down the rope thingy. If I was on the show, I would be raining piss all the way down, I’m sure. The pacing of the race was somewhat exciting, although I felt like the producers couldn’t really care less what went on with the latter half of the trailing teams. Anyway, good to start to the new season so far.

Anyway, wishing all of you a Selamat Hari Raya, and happy holidays. I’m not really looking forward to coming back to KL this coming weekend.. cause by then, I’ll be swamped with about a thousand shows to download. ZOMG there’s simply too many in my queues right now : Survivor, Supernatural, True Blood, Worst Week, Little Britain USA, Desperate Housewives, Fugly Betty, 90210, Heroes, Californication.. gahhh it’s madness!

Before I start, can I just say….

yeah I made those notes as I was watching the show tonight, even though I already saw it last week in the previews. But still.. the scene caught me by surprise… and another time, when they showed it again for the second time tonight. Yes, you know which scene I’m talking about. But first, a short recap of the episode :

Teams start off at Ho Chi Minh with about 2 hours separating the first team and the eight team. They needed to get to Hue, a city about 1000 km away from Ho Chi Minh, by bus. The journey takes more than 25 hours, and it kinda reminded me of the challenge they had in the first TARA (where they travelled from Bangkok to Krabi.. I think). Anyway, the condition of the buses were kinda bad, with crammed seats, and people sleeping on the bus floors.. so kudos to all of them for going through that torture.

Teams headed to Hue in four separate buses. Once in Hue, the next clue tells them to head to the local Caltex Service Facility on foot. The first three teams to arrive (Henry/Bernie, Niroo/Kapil, Ida/Tania) lost their three hour lead since the operating hours starts at 9:30am.. bunching. Ick. Once the service facility opens, teams had to choose a marked jeep with an assigned driver, change a tyre and change the engine oil. Messy.. but I give this challenge a better score than the washing buses task in episode 1.

Once the task is completed, teams had to instruct their drivers to drive to Khai Din Tomb. The roadblock (who’s in line for a King’s Ransom) instructs them to search across the 28 acre grounds for seven coins, and place them in order of the reigning kings. For what it’s worth, I think this was an awesome challenge. It challenges the racers, both physically and mentally, with a little bit of luck thrown in. Personally, this is the perfect formula for TAR challenges, and there should be more of it. Not just dumb luck, or physical tests. Oh and I think the producers made a major snafu here when they showed Bernie and Pailin together complaining to Trish about Geoff, cause that practically gave away the fact that Pailin/Natalie (who were trailing far behind) actually caught up with the other teams. Oh well.

Once the roadblock is completed, a detour awaits the teams, where they had to choose either (1) Sticks - where they had to make 10 incense sticks, or (2) Stocks - where they had to thrash stalks of paddies into 2 buckets of rice. All teams chose to do Sticks (although Geoff and Trish eventually gave up and did the Stocks detour). They next had to go to Quoc Hoc Park and search for the clues (which turned out to be on the rickshaws that they were supposed to ride). Once they read their clue, they need to ride the rickety rickshaws to the next pitstop, the Forbidden Purple City. Now this was where we can see the awesome footage - where Henry swerved the rickshaw into a jeep, sending both him and Bernie flying through the air and onto the cold (actually I’m pretty sure it was hot) hard concrete. OUCH! I’m just super glad no one was seriously hurt!

So, in the order of their arrival at the pitstop :

Show Me The Spoiler

It was a really good episode IMO, especially the rickshaw footage. Dayum! I know I’ve been bitching about this show.. but three episodes in, and this season has officially surpassed the second season. My only gripe now, is the excessive product placements on the show. Have you seen my official TARA4 audition video? Well, I’m in two minds of actually burning that video to a DVD and courier that shit to the producers. I mean, if we get one an episode, that’s fine (it would be best if they were focused on the gifts to the first placers at the pitstop).. but this is just too much. I swear, if we get that final recap episode focusing on Bintan Lagoon Resort again… I’ll.. I’ll… well I haven’t made up my mind yet on what I’m going to do.

This is a hidden footage found in the producer’s round table discussions… (also known as my audition video for TAR Bloggers)

Thanks to smashbox (of Survivor Sucks) for the inspiration!

Well, the premier for Survivor Gabon has been postponed to Sept 25th next week (it was initially supposed to debut today, like.. right now at this very moment). But for those who can’t wait, here’s a preview of the first three minutes of the new season. I’m totally getting goosebumps because they even showed the Opening Credits in this one!

Enjoy! (the link below will redirect you to CNET’s website)

The best thing about TARA3 so far, has been their Previews for Next Week’s Episode segment. Did you see the one for next week’s? zomg… but I am jumping way ahead of myself. So here’s a recap of what went on in the show tonight (Episode 2).

Teams checked in to the last pitstop at the Ratchaphruek Garden in Chiang Mai for the first episode. I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was a pretty tight race with 10 minutes separating the first three teams, and about an hour in between the 4th and last team.  Anyway, teams start again after the mandatory 12 hour rest period *cough*bullshit*cough*. They had to go to My Kampung (actually it’s Mae Kam Phong village) where the Flight of the Gibbon awaits them. That turned out to be yet another recycled jungle canopy challenge. I’m sure it’s fun for the racers, but I’m not too thrilled about watching it for the gazillionth time on this show.

Interesting to note here that fifteen seasons into the show, and contestants STILL would rather opt for sleeping in a hotel, than maintaining their lead in this race. Some people are just wishing to get Guidoed. The first fifteen minutes of the show was kind of a snoozefest, and McKay’s Sony HD advert was laughable. Who cares if the show is shot in HD. AXN is not showing in HD format here in Malaysia (perhaps it is in Singapore or Phillipines.. who knows.. but it’s irrelevant here).. oh by the by, Survivor Gabon (premiering in a couple of hours) will be shot in HD.. this is relevant cause the shows will be downloaded by many people outside of the US (I can’t say the same for TARA3).

must.stop.rambling.

Okay, they next had to head to a Banana Plantation (ah reminds me of my Plantation Alliance in poody’s All Star game) and into a Roadblock. They had to go into stealth mode and find a clue in a travel backpack, while avoiding paintball snipers. Now, I personally thought this was a WAY COOL challenge. But they should’ve at least given the racers some protective gear. I mean, the bruise they showed on Bernie was nas-tay to say the least. Ouch!

Once done, team need to head out to Ho Chi Minh in Vietnam..  airport drama ensues! I love it. Ida/Tania rocked the shit out of this one by getting on the first flight (Chiang Mai - Bangkok - Ho Chi Minh). Five other teams got on a second flight (Chiang Mai - Siem Reap - Ho Chi Minh). And three trailing teams (Beauty Queens/OliMai/Cho Bros redux) took their chances by getting on a later flight (Chiang Mai - Bangkok - Ho Chi Minh). It’s interesting to note that the traditional TAR flag changed colours from Red/Yellow to Red/White, as a sign of respect to Vietnam’s flag colours?

Once in Ho Chi Minh, teams receive their clue at the Saigon Opera House and headed to Saigon Pho Cafe for the most SHAMELESS PRODUCT PLACEMENT EVER - to complete a game on Nokia’s phone. omg… it’s true. This IS the most toughest race ever. It’s really tough trying watching these shameless product placements without rolling my eyes till they turn white. Once that’s done, teams head to a flower shop in Ben Thanh market to receive their clue. Bunching happens here since the market only opens at 6 (terrible, cause this made Ida/Tania lose their big lead over the other racers).

Next, teams need to get on a bus to Cai Bei which is like 2 hours outside of Ho Chi Minh city. Next up a detour between Sampan (where they had to row an unstable sampan and deliver fruits) or Some Walk (catch and deliver 20 chickens on foot). Sampan/Some Walk ? Seriously? Have they no other better catch phrases than this? Some tried the sampan task, which proved too difficult for them so all the teams eventually did the chicken thingy instead.

zomg.. will this recap ever end?

Teams next get on a bus and head back to Ho Chi Minh. Their next clue at the Vang Lang church says they need to donate $500 from Singha Beer to various bodies of charities. *insert obligatory humanitarian comments here* Henry sudden crying probably meant something to him at the time, but it was definitely a WTF moment for the rest of us casual viewers. Finally teams head to the next pitstop which is the Museum Of Vietnamese History. In the order of their arrival at the pitstop :

Show Me The Spoiler

Next week’s preview : zomg.. Ida/Tania’s reaction seemed kinda suspenseful. And was that Bernie being run over in the trishaw? zomg zomg zomg.. okay, that was just me being a little overdramatic, but the previews did look like it might be an awesome episode.

• I’m proud to say that I have not yet succummed to any hotel buka puasa buffet tempations this year (yet). For RM100, I would rather make a homemade lamb stew and eat the same fucking thing seven days straight. 
• I can’t believe how much the level of cekik-darah has increased this year. At the one in Kelana Jaya, RM4 will get you a tiny spoonful of Daging Masak Lemak, and RM3 will get you approximately enam ketul kupang. I have vowed to never ever buy any lauk at the Kelana Jaya pasar ramadan. Ever.
• I can’t believe people would actually go to extreme extents of queueing up for an hour just to get a Roti John at the Pasar Ramadan in Shah Alam. It picqued my interest, so I tried to see what the fuss was all about today. I queued for about 45 minutes before actually getting to the front of the line. It was good, but it was NOT all that. And certainly not worth collapsing while queuieng (true story, no shit.. saw it with my own eyes today.. bloody crazy). I have come to the conclusion that the ONLY food worth queueing up for is Krispy Kremes. When the bloody fark are they coming to KL?
• Since I moved to Shah Alam, I am pretty sure the most common phrase to have escaped from my mouth is “Fucking student drivers”. But I suppose that’s pretty unfair of me since 95% of these drivers are blind (they must be, since they were pretty oblivious to my extended middle finger)
• I found myself watching ntv7’s Frontpage (after the IN-YO-FACE adverts by The Star newspaper) after I made a promise never to watch the channel again till they bring back Survivor. Surprisingly, it’s one of the locally made tv shows that don’t suck as much. Some constructive criticism? I would like to see a little more tact between the feuding alpha males on the show. Ni macam budak sekolah menengah nak bertumbuk. Sheesh.
• Speaking of locally made tv shows, whoever that’s involved with the show on Astro Ria called Bawah Ketiak Isteri or something should hang themselves, especially the make up artists (bitch please, my tranny friends have better wig kejongs than the ones on this idiotic show). And the constant zooming in and out is just stupid and annoying. Kill yourselves.
• While we’re on Astro Ria, I’m actually enjoying the retarded show called Bolos. We’re that one step away from getting our own Istana Takeshi. Ah glory days.
• I might be able to watch tonight’s TARA3 episode 2 show after all. So far, I think this might be a good season to watch after all since there are no camera hogging twits this time around.
• Survivor and Supernatural are starting this week (okay, that wasn’t a rant)
• I’m giving HBO’s True Blood a try.. but two episodes in, I think they’re more Point Pleasant than they are of any HBO-standard dramas (in other words, pretty shit). I’ll give it two more episodes before giving up on it completely.
• I sorta enjoyed the first three eipisodes of the new 90210 show, except the main girl can get so annoyingly perky sometimes. Tone it down a little, goody two shoes bitch. I kinda like the girl who’s playing Kelly’s sister (who’s also in Reaper, I believe).. she reminds me of a younger and prettier Sporty Spice
• If you’re gonna get an LCD TV, invest in a good DVD player that has DIVx capabilities. Because in case you don’t already know.. Astro’s signals are analogue, which means you will get blurred images (even more so if you have LCDs more than 42″). DVD sources are excellent though. Even normal 350Mb tv episodes you torrent would look great on a 37″. Srsly. In additiona to that, you get to watch the show as it’s meant to be seen (in 16:9 aspect ratio, which will fill up the screen in perfect proportions)
• I’m catching up on The Tudors, and have come to the conclusion that Henry VIII is a honry bastard. But I love the show. Also catching up on Psych. It still wonders me why not more people are into this funny show.
• urgh… 4 more hours till my shift is over.
• .. but at least i don’t have to look at the bitch’s face all week this week. There’s this woman at work right, who keeps the most sourish looking face ever. I mean, okay la.. you dowan to smile dont smile la… but i dunno why.. a couple of weeks ago, she gave me the dirtiest look ever. what the fuck did i ever do to you, biatch? Kalau muka tu nak frown all the time, baik tak payah ada muka, you cucking funt.

A new season of TARA3 is upon us, and however much I keep complaining about the show, everyone knows I’ll still watch it. I guess I’m a sadist. Anyway quick recap of the TARA3 premier :

All 10 Teams arrive at the Rama I Monument in Bangkok, the starting point of “the most toughest race ever”. There will be 7 elimination points - good to know that there will be at least two non-elimination episodes, and possible an extended to-be-continued one. The racers first clue is to head down to Khao San Road (every time I hear the name of this road, I think of Alex Garland’s The Beach - best novel ever, worst movie adaptation ever).

Once there, teams had to eat some Thai delicacies - roasted/fried bugs/scorpions/maggots/frogs and whatnots. An interesting start to the race. In my book, it’s always interesting when there’s puking involved. But I feel the need to complain about the logistic idiots. 10 teams crammed into two small tables? Mana nak dapat angle baik? But whatever.

Once the task is done, teams need to get on a taxi to a designated CALTEX service station to clean a vehicle (read : bus) (also read : lacy producers recycling the absolute lamest challenge from the first season). Physically demanding sure, but don’t they have better ideas for physically demanding tasks? Kudos to the racers for going through the challenge, though. Interesting that it actually rained midway through the task, making the challenge even more lame (read : I take that as a little fuck you from Ma Nature to the producers).

Next, they had to sign up for one of the 3 chartered buses to their next location. At this moment, some idjits went off wondering away from the station since they did not know what the clue meant. Perhaps the producers should really re-evaluate their casting choices and limit the contestants to people who actually give a fuck and watched the show before. Anyway, the three buses (carrying 3, 3 and 4 teams respectively) at certain intervals or something.

Buses carried them to a temple site where they had to search among the BUddha statues for their next clue. Buses will leave within 20 minutes of arrival at the site. Interesting challenge cause teams arrived at the site at night and they had to search for the clues in pitch black. Bus 1 left with two teams, bus 2 left with one team, and bus 3 left with the remaining teams. Yawnsies.

Buses head to Chiang Mai where their next clue stated that it’s a Detour. A sleeveless Allen Wu appeared on screen (and I could actually hear Mrs G’s moan all the way from my place in Shah Alam) explaining the clues : Race or Ride. In Race, teams had to navigate around a terrain in a buggy. In Rice, teams had to pound the rice into two rice balls. The tasks were kinda split evenly between the teams (actually four of the teams changed from Rice to Race midway through the task).

And the next clue was for them to head down to the Garden World for the first pitstop. In order of arrival at the pitstop :

Show Me The Spoiler

And that’s that. There will be a special extended 90 minute episode next week.. (fuck I’m working Europe shift next week). The previews looks interesting.. guys crying, teams possibly missing a plane.. but previews always lie. All in all, a pretty so-so episode. And also kinda looking fwd to the next one.

and ps. “We’re not here to make friends” is the most overused phrase in TAR and Survivor. (No wait, for Survivor.. it’s “I’m not trying to be someone I’m not”.) Please don’t ever ever include that in any future episodes. ever. (Thanks Domjr for the link to this youtube vid)

Much as I want to hate this new mactor-infested TARA3 season, I can’t help but actually like their promo picture above. AXN is going all out with the advertisement for the new season, and I can’t help but wonder why.

I mean, have you seen the latest trailer/advert promoting season 3 of The Amazing Race Asia? Holy shit on a fucking stick, Batman. (Oh fucking relax, I’m not fasting right now). The excessive (and obsessive) mactor casting for the new season kinda makes sense. The Shitty Powers That Be (TARA producers and especially casting people) are now actually not hiding the fact that they only want beautiful actors to STAR in this REALITY show franchise.

The ad is an unprecedented thing to be done by any reality tv shows. It actually showed them *Gasp* acting out rehearsed really bad scripts. Ladies and gentlemen, be prepared for what could be the worst thing to ever grace the tv ever since the appearance of Marc and Roviltwat last season (although I really should thank my lucky stars the producers did not cast Rudy and JJ from the Hitz fm crew - the only ‘team’ that could possibly rival Marc/Roviltwat in terms of bad, rehearsed, adolescent-y, half-witted, lame lawak bodohs. Ever. Seriously.)

Anyway, was it just me, or did McKay and Yeo ramble on too much with their thoughts and wonderful insights. I’m like, STFU and show us the racers already. Their talk about ‘carefully handpicked’ teams out of over 2000 (foolish) applicants made me laugh. Unless by ‘carefully handpicked’ they mean picking the actors with their heads in their throbbing cocks and moist vaginas. The only two interesting audition tapes that was shown (That was NOT carefully handpicked) was the one by Kynt & Vyxsin and the one with the drag queen announcing “You are the winner of America’s Next Top Model” - only to be retorted with the response “Mmmm don’t want. I want to be on TARA3″. That did make me laugh.

Anyway, first impressions on the carefully handpicked teams :

back from left to right : Mai/Oliver, AD/Fuzzie, Niroo/Kapil, Sam/Vince, William/Isaac, Neena/Amit
front from left to right : Pailin/Natalie, Tisha/Geoff, Ida/Tania, Henry/Bernie

Tania/Ida (Malaysia)

Mactor or not, I can’t help but be biased cause I love love love Ida. So I will undoubtedly root for this team. However, being touted as THE MOST TOUGHEST RACE EVER!!!11!!ONE!, and based on the pre-show interviews, I don’t think they’d make it far in the race. Although, I really do hope we’ll get to see the overdramatic reactions from Ida that we all know (and love).

Vince/Sam (Hong Kong - but actually Canadian/Singaporean)

First impressions, I like this team. I’m just hoping there won’t be any Hippies/Roviltwat redux here. I have a feeling that this might be a team I might be rooting for as we go along in the race (provided they’re not the first ones out). You go, girls!

Pailin/Natalie (Thai - but actually Canadian/Thai)

I have a feeling that the producers just wanted a toekn Dustin/Kandice team. You know, who wouldn’t want to see Beauty Queens on the show (this is McKay’s throbbing cock talking, btw). I kinda actually feel bad for Thailand cause out of three seasons, we never seem to get ‘pure’ Thai folks (although I totally forgive them for giving us Andy and Laura for the first season. AndyLau for the win!)

Neena/Amit (India - but actually, oh yeah.. India)

Bickering cousin. Mm yeah. I don’t see what’s interesting abouit this team . Honestly I don’t, although my paunch says I should support another paunch making it on the show.

AD/Fuzzie (Singapore)

ZOMG. I love this team. They’re funny and (self-professed) controversial. How can you not love this team? The obsessive compulsive and the slob. I FUCKING LOVE IT *minor orgasm*. I know the race hasn’t started yet, but I know I’ll be devastated when/if this team gets eliminated. There’s nothing rehearsed about their witty banter and humour (something only friends of dorothy are fortunately blessed with). Best underdog team ever. And the race hasn’t even started yet.

Bernie/Henry (Malaysia)

I was initially just kinda meh on this alpha/alpha team. But I’m giving plus points to Henry for being a chef. Just because. I do think this team has what it takes to win and I’ll be surprised if they’re gone before the Final 4 team.

William/Isaac (Korea)

omg.. dullest contestant ever. They take, like, twenty minutes, like, to finish a sentence, like. NEXT. … you know.

Niroo/Kapil (India)

I love the father/son dynamic (bunyi lain mcm je.. I guess I’ve been torrenting too much), I’ll give them that. Hopefully these guys won’t disappoint. The impromptu skit, however, was a little suspect. Apparently the AXN fuckers, and by AXN fuckers I mean the casting idjits, really LOVE their actors, don’t they.

Tisha/Geoff (Phillipines - but actually New Zealander/Canadian.. boy the Canadians are making it BIG on TARA this season! GO CANUCKS!)

Again, I’m baffled by the nationalities here. I guess this must be the token beautiful couple who’s going on this race to evaluate their relationship *coughbullshitcough* team. Seriously, that is the most retarded reason for going on the race, ever. That said, this team could possibly surprise us, cause they’re giving me Andrew/Syeon vibes.

Mai/Oliver (Thailand - actually French/Thai and hey! THAI!)

I spoke too soon. We’re finally getting a Thai person who actually speaks like a Thai person. Wha-hey! Thank goodness for that. I actually have a good feeling for this team. Don’t ask me why.

And that’s that. All in all, I don’t think this show is going to totally suck this season. And let’s face it, no matter how sucky it gets, we all know that I’m going to watch to the bitter end. I am such a loser.

ps. good luck, racers

pps. fuck you TARA3 casting assholes.