Culturally Preconditioned

Click below if you want to skip and find out who the winners are for TARA3 :

Show Me The Spoiler

Okay, this is it. The finale to The Amazing Race Asia 3. Excited much? I gotta say that I certainly was. There were spoilers pointing to a Sam/Vince win (the Sony ad, the ‘underdogs’ comments etc), and there were spoilers pointing to a Geoff/Tisha win (the interviews, the reported leak etc).. and yet there was not a single thing pointing to Ida/Tania winning this thing. I was going with my theory that the spoilers were red herrings, and since Ida/Tania had no winners spoilers.. then they MUST’ve won this thing.

Well, fuck me and my dumb fucking theory.. and my even more dumb fucking shitting (turned out to be true) hunch. Urgh.

Teams start off in Oman. Tania/Ida were the first to leave at 5:42am, and Geoff/Tisha followed shortly after. They were to head to the Governate (?) of Muscat offices to get their next clue. Of course, there was an Hours of Operation there.. the offices open at 08:00am. Based on what Geoff said, they both reached the offices circa 7:30am. Once the offices opened, the clue tells them to head to Said’s Camel Farm in Al-Abyad where they had to transfer 10 Joe Camels from a tent to a cage.

Ida/Tania stops for food for the umpteenth time (which is why I am so fond of this team). Geoff/Tisha’s four wheel drive got stuck in the sand. Ida’s comment “I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to be stuck out here (in the hot desert).. oh wait.. ” followed in quick succession to a shot of Geoff/Tisha’s stuck 4WD, was unintentionally funny. Good job, editors. Unfortunately that was the only good job they did for this episode. Oh and Geoff actually made me snicker with his “they spit and leave saliva hanging out” comments (about the Camels.. not about Ida/Tania.. or the editors). Surprisingly Ida/Tania made it to the Camel Farm first! MALAYSIAN GODDESSES OWNAGE! And they managed to finish the task as Geoff/Tisha started their task. (The “Apa Khabar” greeting by the clue giving person was a nice shout out to Malaysians! Exact same treatment you can expect if you ever go to Turkey, by the way).

Now, this is where the logistics boggles the fuck out of my mind.

Because of the quitting penalty from the last leg, Sam/Vince reportedly started this leg at 10:04am. But as Geoff/Tisha made their way off from the Camel Farm, Sam/Vince were already approaching the Camel Farm. MMm that’s right. You do the math. Did they really start off at 10:04am, or were there some intervention from the powers that be (cause you know it happened in TAR, right? and 12-hour mandatory rest? 12-hour, my ass. Lies, lies I tell ya! I can’t speak for TARA, but even TAR sometimes take two whole days in between legs. Fact, y’all). Anyway, it all seems very suspect to me at the point.. but wasn’t really surprised after they started showing really perky and happy confessionals from Sam/Vince. Nice work at hiding who the winners are, editors. So Emmy worthy!!!!111!SATU!!111

Anyway, Ida/Tania made their way to Huber Sands for the next Roadblock. They had to use locate keys buried in the hot sand, with the help of a metal detector and a shovel. There were 70 keys strewn out across a huge patch of sand, and only 7 of the keys can open the clue box. Tania finished the Roadblock first, as Geoff/Tisha arrived at the Roadblock. MALAYSIAN GODDESSES OWNAGE REDUX!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, karma’s a bizzle yada yada yada.. I know I know STFU… and Ida/Tania’s 4WD next got stuck in the sand. Ah such bad luck. Geoff/Tisha finished their roadblock and heads off leaving Ida/Tania behind.
The next clue was for the teams to fly to their final destination, Phuket, Thailand.. how glorious. Ida/Tania were helped by a helpful Oman person with the car, and the two teams made their way to the airport. Drama ensues.

From what was told, there were four flights out from Muscat to Dubai, where teams can make connecting flights to Phuket. Geoff/Tish and Ida/Tania took different flights. Geoff/Tish booked a flight from Muscat to Dubai to Bangkok to Oman, whereas Ida/Tania took a flight from Muscat to Dubai, and I think they were planning on looking for flights from Dubai to Phuket once they reach Dubai (which is understandable since there are a gazillion different flights out of Dubai every second or so). Surprise, surprise… Sam/Vince got to the airport just in time to catch the same flight as Geoff/Tisha.

Somehow, Ida/Tania missed their original intended flight out of Dubai (*fucking ticketing cunt who took over extended coffee break causing Ida/Tania to miss their flight - supreme extreme undying hatred*)… and yeah, I think all viewers at that point realized that the best team in TARA (ever!) just got FUCKED big time. *tears*

Suddenly, the TARA3 producers gave the Ida/Tania a super speed bump which was a private jet straight to the final pitstop.. and they took it, and raced to the pitstop where Allan Wu announced “Ida/Tania, you are the winners of the Amazing Race Asia!!!*orgasm*!!1!!”.

Okay that didn’t really happen, but alternate endings are always much more fun (to my knowledge, what really happened was Eric/Danielle’s plane crashed and burned, and Charla/Mirna ended up winning TAR All Stars.. YAY! And if you beg to differ, kindly get the fuck away from me).

Okay.. okay.. so Geoff/Tisha and Sam/Vince got to Phuket and both teams headed to Sam Kong temple for their next clue, which tells them to go to Siray Island and find a cube of ice in a large ass tub of crushed ice. Sam/Vince were in the lead as Geoff/Tisha’s driver got lost. And as much as I try to keep an open mind towards Geoff.. I started hating him again after he uttered Roviltwat’s not-so-wise-words-of-lamedom “You live and die by the taxi driver” - actually Roviltwat ‘died’ in TARA2 because of his utter idiocy for not completing the final challenge. Haha. Screw you Roviltwat fantards.

After finding the cube, teams head to Lam Hin Pier where they had to get on a traditional Thai Fishing Boat and search for a fishermen in the middle of the sea, to get their next clue. Mmm yeah.. totally unnecessary, when they could’ve given the Detour clues right there and then at the Pier. The final detour was between (1) Pull - where teams had to kayak to an oyster farm and find a marked oyster shell, or (2) Plunge - where teams had to search the sea floor for a giant sea clam and search for a pearl. Sam/Vince did Pull, and finished it first - while Geoff/Tisha looked helplessly as their kayak went round and round and round. Ida/Tania were probably somewhere above the Indian ocean at this point in time. Poor darlings.
The final clue was to dig a treasure box somewhere on the beach and carry it to the final pitstop which is not too far off. Such a weird challenge. So… Sam/Vince came in first and won. Geoff/Tisha came in second. Ida/Tania came in third.

Not too happy with the final results. I was hoping Ida/Tania would at least finish second, but hey! They really DID manage to race from beginning to end, and completed ALL challenges (can’t be said the same for certain teams), and more importantly HAD FUN throughout the race, and even more important.. cemented themselves a place in TARA : All Stars. Trust me on this one. But I can’t help but think they would’ve kicked ass and probably go on winning the season had they been on the same flight as the two. Ah well.

Despite my bitching and this :

I thought this was a pretty good season. A much better one than TARA2 at least.. but then again.. fecal matter is better than TARA2. But yeah, I did enjoy this season.. partly due to the absolutely GREAT MALAYSIAN TEAMS - HENRY and BERNIE (you guys got so fucking robbed, it’s not even funny!) and IDA and TANIA (Thank you for restoring my faith in enjoying this franchise again!). Thanks for being such awesome racers. I’m just counting the days to seeing you guys appear in TARA All Stars. Great job guys! <3 <3 <3 <3

ps. Ida/Tania - rest assured the immediate (relatively) unbiased feedback at the Sucks forum is that despite the outcome of this race, you guys truly were the stars of this season.