Culturally Preconditioned

For those of you who’s waiting for the tv shows to resume after the Xmas hiatus (and for new tv show premiers), here’s the complete list of the next air date :

WINTER PREMIERES

* Denotes series returning from a winter break, rather than season or series premiere.

Monday, Dec. 29

The City (MTV)

Sunday, Jan. 4
Desperate Housewives (ABC)*

Monday, Jan. 5

The Bachelor (ABC)
Gossip Girl (CW)*
Momma’s Boys (NBC)
One Tree Hill (CW)*
Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family)
True Beauty (ABC)

Tuesday, Jan. 6

90210 (CW)*
According to Jim (ABC)*
The Biggest Loser: Couples (NBC)
Law & Order: SVU (NBC)*
Nip/Tuck (FX)
Privileged (CW)*
Scrubs (ABC)

Wednesday, Jan. 7

13: The Fear Is Real (CW)
Damages (FX)
Knight Rider (NBC)*
Law & Order (NBC)*

Thursday, Jan. 8

30 Rock (NBC)*
ER (NBC)*
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)*
Kath & Kim (NBC)*
My Name Is Earl (NBC)*
The Office (NBC)*
Private Practice (ABC)*
Ugly Betty (ABC)*

Friday, Jan. 9

Flashpoint (CBS)
Monk (USA)*
Psych (USA)*

Sunday, Jan. 11

24 (Fox)

Monday, Jan. 12

Samantha Who? (ABC)*

Tuesday, Jan. 13

American Idol (Fox)

Wednesday, Jan. 14

Wonderland (DTV 101)

Thursday, Jan. 15

Bones (Fox)*
Smallville (CW)*
Supernatural (CW)*

Friday, Jan. 16

Battlestar Galactica (Sci Fi)
Friday Night Lights (NBC)

Sunday, Jan. 18

American Dad (Fox)*
Big Love (HBO)
Family Guy (Fox)*
Flight of the Conchords (HBO)
King of the Hill (Fox)*
The L Word (Showtime)
Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Showtime)
The Simpsons (Fox)*
United States of Tara (Showtime)

Monday, Jan. 19

House (Fox)*

Tuesday, Jan. 20

Fringe (Fox)*

Wednesday, Jan. 21

Lie to Me (Fox)
Lost (ABC), two-hour premiere

Thursday, Jan. 22

Burn Notice (USA)*

Monday, Jan. 26

The Closer (TNT)
Trust Me (TNT)

Wednesday, Jan. 28

Life on Mars (ABC)*

Thursday, Jan. 29

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox)

Monday, Feb. 2

Chuck (NBC),* 3-D episode
Heroes, Vol. IV: Fugitives (NBC)*
Medium (NBC)

Thursday, Feb. 12

Survivor (CBS)

Friday, Feb. 13

Dollhouse (Fox)
Terminator (Fox)*

Sunday, Feb. 15

The Amazing Race (CBS)

Sunday, March 8

Breaking Bad (AMC)

Monday, March 9

Castle (ABC)

Tuesday, March 17

Reaper (CW)

Thursday, March 19

Kings (NBC)

Tuesday, March 24

Cupid (ABC)

Wednesday, April 8

The Unusuals (ABC)

Thursday, April 9

Harper’s Island (CBS)

EXACT DATES TBD

• Amy Poehler, Beyond Thunderdome premieres on NBC in April.
• Law & Order: Criminal Intent returns to USA in March or April.
• Life returns to NBC in February.
• Prison Break and ‘Til Death return to Fox in the spring.
• Rescue Me returns to FX in March or April.
• Rules of Engagement returns to CBS in the spring.
• Saving Grace returns to TNT in March.
• The Tudors returns to Showtime in April.

Other notes :

I’ve been downloading 11 shows a week last Fall.. but I’m definitely cutting down on some shit, and some thoughts on last season :

• 90210 - let’s face it.. I only watched the show for the old cast members (Brenda, Kelly etc).. the new cast? Not so much.. Nothing (apart from the brilliant grandma, who plays the exact same part as she did on Arrested Development) sets this apart from other annoying tween shows.
• Californication - the first season was brilliant. Second season.. made me lose interest. Same old hedonistic, same old narcistic, same old annoying emo cunt daughter… leaves me zero apathy.
• Heroes - Third season was an utter shitfest. It was really good somewhere in the middle, but tapered off with the finale. And Mohinder reminds me of a Suriname Toad. Season 4’s teasers looks like it’s going to be a rehash of X-Men 2 (or 3?), but I’m pretty sure I’ll keep on downloading this new season.
• Ugly Betty - Still as camp. Stll as good. Knows not to take itself too seriously which makes the show fun to watch.
• Desperate Housewives - The writers are brilliant, and totally deserve an Emmy for writing (especially if they kill off Susan and Mike for good)
• Survivor : Gabon - Most mind numbingly boring winner ever. Hated everyone in F3, but if Sugar gave a shit to her Final TC performance, she definitely deserved the final votes - cause she really did outplay everyone. Season had a boring start (thank god for Dan Kay), had a promising merger, and the most boring end game imaginable. Also produced two of the most hated contestants ever : Corrine and Marcus. Survivor Tocantins can’t possibly get any more worse than this.
• The Amazing Race - The last season was pretty okay. But I can’t wait for the new season to start
• Little Britain USA - Less funny than the original.. although I loved Ellie Grace’s “I love you more than cumshots” line. Hilarious. And Carol Beer’s definitely topped herself.
• Worst Week - an adaptation of BBC’s Worst Week of My Life. Not as tart as the original, but pretty good.
• Psych - I’m still dumbfounded as to why not more people are watching this brilliant, brilliant, brilliant show.
• Dirty Sexy Money - show has gotten downhill thanks to the excessive unnecessary Blair Underwood’s storyline, and Lucy Liu’s appearance on the show (seriously, can this bitch play something other than a cold hearted bitch on tv?).
• Top Chef NYC- not getting any Top Chef vibes from any of the contestants.. not quite a big fan of that Italian dude.. but his “This is not Top Scallop” had me in stitches. That is so going to be on the next Top Chef T-Shirt.
• Lost - OMFG THE NEW SEASON CAN’T START SOON ENOUGH!!!!! SAWYER FOR THE WIN!!!!
• Supernatural - OMFG THE SEASON CAN’T CONTINUE SOON ENOUGH!!!! DEAN/CASTIEL FOR THE WIN!!
• True Blood - OMFG SUMMER CAN’T GET HERE SOON ENOUGH!!!! TARA/LAFAYETTE FOR THE WIN!!
• The Tudors - OMFG SUMMER CAN’T GET HERE SOON ENOUGH!!!! HENRY THE EIGHTH FOR THE WIN!!

I want to write a recap on this.. but I’ve slept for 5 hours within the last 48 hours. A really really brief recap… the final route info task was the best.thing.ever. I would’ve sooooo failed at that challenge. But it did look like fun, and it requires you to actually remember almost every single tasks that you’ve done throughout the race (and in order too, no less). Also, the neck-and-neck race between Nick/Star and Ken/Tina was really fun to watch. They keep overtaking each other on the roads and during the tasks. It’s amazing.. something that was lacking in the TAR Asia 3 finale, IMO.

As for the winners… I know why I really dislike Nick and Star. It’s their extra annoying extra perky dancing routine in their intro in the opening sequence. God damn. Wasn’t thrilled that they won, but at least it wasn’t the fucking frat boys. I think Ken and Tina actually pwnt the finale, even though they didn’t win… what with the teary love confessional at the end. They basically stole Nick and Star’s thunder. I was going to say that Ken is a cool dude, and Tina is an overbearing yapping cunt.. but after hearing Ken profess that he’s going to ‘give it another try’.. all I can think of was “You fool”. As for the frat boys… well.. Andrew is okay, but Dan is not only stupid, he’s also fucking delusional. Any fraternity that ever accepted this creature, shouldn’t show themselves in public. Such an embarassment, and he had the cheek to blabber to the camera that any fratboys would be proud of them. Mmmm if that’s the case, I’m so fucking glad I’ve never been a fratboy. Pa.the.tic.

And that’s that.  I might edit a short recap later if I’m still awake. Ciao!

First Ida/Tania didn’t win…. now TeenWolf and Mom failed to make it to Final Three, and the fucking fratboys do? Major suckage, dude. It appears that the TAR Gods seem to have a sick sense of humour. What could’ve been an exciting leg, turned out to be a total dud ten minutes into the show when MamaWolf said “You hold the money and the passports” - cause I know a team will be royally fucked this episode by losing their passport. I’m usually a cold hearted, emotionless cunt.. but I got teary eyed at the end of the episode. I really did.

Teams started out at a PARK from the last pitstop in Moscow. I find it curious that the producers didn’t specify the times that the teams started out the race. In fact, I find it suspicious that the bumbling idjits made up so much time this episode, that they ended up in second place. Yes. Second. I feel like tearing my scrotum off slowly while I feed it to the cats, just restating the fact that the fuckers Dan and Andrew came in second.

Anyway, teams headed to a submarine and had to seach for an actor who was in The Hunt for Red October.  Most pointless cameo since Phua Chu Kang was on TAR a couple of years ago. Next they had to get on a taxi and head to Iskusstv PARK  - which was a graveyard of Fallen Monuments. The Roadblock is to solve clues by  counting the exact number of Lenin statues (6) and Stalin statues (2), combine those two numbers, go to a nearby antique shop and give the correct number. If they fail to give the correct number, they needed to wait 10 minutes, before trying again with a new number. Once they give the correct clue, the shopkeeper will give them a clue where they had to look for their next destination on Page 62 of the book (which states the name of the street, the author used to live). Well, ain’t that a mouthful.

Nick completed the roadblock first. Then Dallas, but he got the number wrong. Tina got it right after her second try, and clued in on Dallas on the correct number. This was about the time Dallas commited the biggest sin ever on this show. He left his money and passport in the taxi. ZOMG. Frankly I’m kinda amazed that one could lose such a thing, especially since.. well.. he must’ve just paid the taxi driver his money, right? Dayum. It was right there and then, that I basically stopped giving a fuck about how this race season is going to end. Do you want me to go on? It’s pointless really, but I will.

But then again, maybe not cause the next Detour is a total descriptive mess. Teams had to travel by taxi to yet another PARK and get a clue from a lady with a Shetland Pony. Once there, teams had to choose between (1) Riding the Rails - self explanatory - teams go to several destinations via the city underground metro collecting clues, or (2) Riding the Trains - self explanatory too - teams go to several destinations via the trolley trains (like city trams). Bla bla bla.. final pitstop.. another PARK woohoo! Not. In order of the arrivals at the pitstop :

1. Nick/Starr - I wanna shoot myself
2. Dan/Andrew - I wanna castrate myself (and everyone else around me)
3. Ken/Tina - I wanna drown myself
4. Toni/Dallas - They were eliminated, and thankfully, not at the pitstop as Phil approached them and said all the teams have checked in. Amazing that after losing their money and passport, they still trudged on with the remaining tasks of this leg. They even had to turn back and redo one of the tasks because they travelled by metro instead of taxi (to get to the pony lady). This, compared to another TARA team that wanted to quit after coming first in the first leg of the race. This, compared to a TARA team that wanted to quit because they are traumatized at the thought of sleeping at the airport. This, compared to a TARA team that didn’t know how to start their key and wanted to quit. This, compared to another TARA team that threw away a golden opportunity after given a four hour bonus. This, compared to another TARA team that actually quit and eventually won the race.  Anyway, you could kinda tell that mentally, Dallas had already quit when he came up to Toni and informed her that he lost their money and passport, but he went through with it cause he didn’t want to disappoint his mom. He knew it was all his fault and he may be a Momma’s Boy, but he’s a champ in my books. And when Toni said “you didn’t disappoint me”.. I almost lost it. You can’t make up heartwrenching drama like this, can you? *sadness* And I don’t even think they will be at the final pitstop next week to greet the “winners”.

Next week… the boring/worst/expected TAR winners ever! Take your pick..  It’s going to be down between Nick/Star and Ken/Tina but I don’t even care right now.

edited to add (this comment at the Sucks forum made me LOL ) : “It would have been better if Toni had completely lost her shit at the sight of Phil popping out of that store. Like if she had ran around screaming “NO! NOO!” and refused to stand in front of Phil until finally collapsing into tears while cursing the heavens, completely unconsolable as Phil uncomfortably yelled over her sobbing “you have been eliminated” (with Dallas in the background naked, of course).”