Culturally Preconditioned

First Ida/Tania didn’t win…. now TeenWolf and Mom failed to make it to Final Three, and the fucking fratboys do? Major suckage, dude. It appears that the TAR Gods seem to have a sick sense of humour. What could’ve been an exciting leg, turned out to be a total dud ten minutes into the show when MamaWolf said “You hold the money and the passports” - cause I know a team will be royally fucked this episode by losing their passport. I’m usually a cold hearted, emotionless cunt.. but I got teary eyed at the end of the episode. I really did.

Teams started out at a PARK from the last pitstop in Moscow. I find it curious that the producers didn’t specify the times that the teams started out the race. In fact, I find it suspicious that the bumbling idjits made up so much time this episode, that they ended up in second place. Yes. Second. I feel like tearing my scrotum off slowly while I feed it to the cats, just restating the fact that the fuckers Dan and Andrew came in second.

Anyway, teams headed to a submarine and had to seach for an actor who was in The Hunt for Red October.  Most pointless cameo since Phua Chu Kang was on TAR a couple of years ago. Next they had to get on a taxi and head to Iskusstv PARK  - which was a graveyard of Fallen Monuments. The Roadblock is to solve clues by  counting the exact number of Lenin statues (6) and Stalin statues (2), combine those two numbers, go to a nearby antique shop and give the correct number. If they fail to give the correct number, they needed to wait 10 minutes, before trying again with a new number. Once they give the correct clue, the shopkeeper will give them a clue where they had to look for their next destination on Page 62 of the book (which states the name of the street, the author used to live). Well, ain’t that a mouthful.

Nick completed the roadblock first. Then Dallas, but he got the number wrong. Tina got it right after her second try, and clued in on Dallas on the correct number. This was about the time Dallas commited the biggest sin ever on this show. He left his money and passport in the taxi. ZOMG. Frankly I’m kinda amazed that one could lose such a thing, especially since.. well.. he must’ve just paid the taxi driver his money, right? Dayum. It was right there and then, that I basically stopped giving a fuck about how this race season is going to end. Do you want me to go on? It’s pointless really, but I will.

But then again, maybe not cause the next Detour is a total descriptive mess. Teams had to travel by taxi to yet another PARK and get a clue from a lady with a Shetland Pony. Once there, teams had to choose between (1) Riding the Rails - self explanatory - teams go to several destinations via the city underground metro collecting clues, or (2) Riding the Trains - self explanatory too - teams go to several destinations via the trolley trains (like city trams). Bla bla bla.. final pitstop.. another PARK woohoo! Not. In order of the arrivals at the pitstop :

1. Nick/Starr - I wanna shoot myself
2. Dan/Andrew - I wanna castrate myself (and everyone else around me)
3. Ken/Tina - I wanna drown myself
4. Toni/Dallas - They were eliminated, and thankfully, not at the pitstop as Phil approached them and said all the teams have checked in. Amazing that after losing their money and passport, they still trudged on with the remaining tasks of this leg. They even had to turn back and redo one of the tasks because they travelled by metro instead of taxi (to get to the pony lady). This, compared to another TARA team that wanted to quit after coming first in the first leg of the race. This, compared to a TARA team that wanted to quit because they are traumatized at the thought of sleeping at the airport. This, compared to a TARA team that didn’t know how to start their key and wanted to quit. This, compared to another TARA team that threw away a golden opportunity after given a four hour bonus. This, compared to another TARA team that actually quit and eventually won the race.  Anyway, you could kinda tell that mentally, Dallas had already quit when he came up to Toni and informed her that he lost their money and passport, but he went through with it cause he didn’t want to disappoint his mom. He knew it was all his fault and he may be a Momma’s Boy, but he’s a champ in my books. And when Toni said “you didn’t disappoint me”.. I almost lost it. You can’t make up heartwrenching drama like this, can you? *sadness* And I don’t even think they will be at the final pitstop next week to greet the “winners”.

Next week… the boring/worst/expected TAR winners ever! Take your pick..  It’s going to be down between Nick/Star and Ken/Tina but I don’t even care right now.

edited to add (this comment at the Sucks forum made me LOL ) : “It would have been better if Toni had completely lost her shit at the sight of Phil popping out of that store. Like if she had ran around screaming “NO! NOO!” and refused to stand in front of Phil until finally collapsing into tears while cursing the heavens, completely unconsolable as Phil uncomfortably yelled over her sobbing “you have been eliminated” (with Dallas in the background naked, of course).”