Culturally Preconditioned

Before I start, a little gem I read in the newspaper today :

“IF you find the current crop of locally made, SMS-based talent shows a little fallow, it might be a good time to check out Akademi Fantasia 4 (AF4). Helmed by real vocal talents, in which some of them do not possess photogenic looks, which is the prerequisite for most of today’s successful pop idol shows, AF4 sees 12 quality contestants”

ROFLMAOASTC! At first I thought it was a sarcastic remark, but as I read and read and read, I realized it wasn’t. Oh well to each his own. Let’s get started on this week’s Rockstar : Supernova show… the only really good reality show on TV until The Amazing Race starts.

Patrice ~ Helter Skelter

That certainly was worth fighting for (and I wrote this down before Tommy Lee’s comments). Patrice was in control of the song and it was her best performance so far. I never really took notice of her but that was pretty impressive and a good way to start the show. A 7 out of 10.

Josh ~ Come As You Are

I have been a big fan of Josh but what he did was kinda asshole-ish even for my standard. And if you’re gonna be so hellbent about taking a Nirvana song and not doing anything special with it, why the fuck bother? His performance was so goddamn boring. I like his voice, but it is pretty clear that this is not Josh’s genre. A 2.5 out of 10

Storm ~ Just What I Wanted

I just realised she actually reminds me of Lindsay Lohan. Eww. Her voice was drowned by the music. Nope. There was nothing special about that performance at all. I still think she’s super hot though. Six letters.. G.O.O.G.L.E. A 5.5 out of 10.

Lukas ~ Let’s Spend The Night Together

Personally, I didn’t think his arrangement was all that bad. The band did all the work for him though. I’m just not getting his vocals, and I personally just don’t like him despite it being obvious that he is one of the Chosen Ones *gag* A 4 out of 10.

Jill ~ All Right Now

That was a fun song. I’m not sure what the fuss was that all about.. fighting over the song choices. This was clearly a much better song to get the audience to rock to. Regardless, I still think Jill sounded good. A 7.5 out of 10

Ryan ~ Fortunate Son

Why does he seen so angry and intense everytime he’s performing (much like the American Egghead fucker too). I can’t help but feel he’s just up there singing for himself and making zero connection with the audience. What’s that about? It was a tad better than last week. And I wished I didn’t say anything, cause he later then actually smiled for the camera, and it was just fucking creepy. I swear for a split second, he looked like Salman Rushdie’s twin brother. A 4.5 out of 10.

Phil ~ Little Rabbit

I have mixed feelings over this performance. I loved most of it but he did sound a bit whiny in the early parts of the song. Definitely his best to date. I didn’t think he could recover from his previous performances, but he did. A 7 out of 10.

Dana ~ It’s My Life

God, such a gross over played song, but it didn’t make me like her less. She was pretty weak in the chorus though but I blame it on the song. It’s so fucking BLEH. Not her best, but still not as bad as some others so far. A 5.5 out of 10

Toby ~ Runaway Train

What the holy fuck happened? I thought this dude can go no wrong. Apparently he did. He knows he fucked up. The arrangement was shit, and.. I don’t know. His voice was all wrong this time. Fuck. I’m extremely disappointed. A 4 out of 10

Magni ~ Plush

Aaaiiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!!! Most favourite song from the 90s ever. If there was anything good that came out in the 1990s, it’s the Stone Temple Fucking Pilots. Yay! Magni didn’t absolutely kill this song, so he’s gonna get extra pounts than he really deserves from me just for picking this song. An outrageously generous 8.5 out of 10.

Zayra ~ Everybody Hurts

I was totally waiting for a trainwreck, It didn’t exactly happen but I wasn’t extremely disappointed. She sounded more like Bjork more than anything and I almost felt sick to the stomach. But not quite. I think bitch just saved herself this week. A 4.5 out of 10.

Jenny ~ Drive

When she came on stage, I was like.. who? She is so totally forgettable. I’m sorry but that just doesn’t work for me. It was too Sheryl Crowish (with a thousand apologies to Sheryl Crow cause I absolutely love her stuff) but that just sucked for me. A 4 out of 10.

Dilana ~ Zombie

Megayuck! Another extremely overplayed song which drove me insane back in the days. But how can you not love that performance? I am just extremely amazed by this woman. Love, love and love is all I have for her. For fucks sake, Supernova, please just recruit her already. A 9.5 out of 10.

Final Rankings :

1. Dilana ~ A 9.5 out of 10.
2. Magni ~ An 8.5 out of 10.
3. Jill ~ A 7.5 out of 10
4. Phil ~ A 7 out of 10.
5. Patrice ~ A 7 out of 10.
6. Storm ~ A 5.5 out of 10.
7. Dana ~ A 5.5 out of 10
8. Zayra ~ A 4.5 out of 10.
9. Ryan ~ A 4.5 out of 10.
10. Toby ~ A 4 out of 10
11. Lukas ~ A 4 out of 10.
12. Jenny ~ A 4 out of 10.
13. Josh ~ A 2.5 out of 10

Before I start, a little rant. There are so many reasons why I love my new Fontopia Sony earphones. First of all, it’s because I threw away the shitty earphone that came with the iPods. They are so fucking useless and are also a magnet for snatch thieves with their ‘white’ status symbol that everyone recognizes. Secondly, the Fontopia earphones have these sort of silicone parts that creates a small vacuum-like environment that blocks out most of the external noise.

If it wasn’t for this, I’d be stuck in the fucking McDonald’s Beef Foldover-covered LRT carriage listening to their loud annoying advertisement everytime the train stops at a station (”Get on a bus to the McDonald’s in Bangsar”,”The McDonalds in Amcorp Mall is only 10 minutes walk away, but faster if you run”,”Only 2 stops to go to get the new, delicious Beef Foldover” bla bla bla). The only other thing more annoying than this is the TV3-sponsored LRT carriage. Seriously, if I didn’t have my earphone plugged in, I wouldn’t hesitate to get off the train and wait for the next McDonald’s/TV3 ad-free carriage. Fuck you McDonalds and TV3. Assholes.

Now let’s get started with this week’s show.

Magni ~ My Generation

That was a great rocking song, but if anything, it only affirmed my thoughts on him from last week. He shouts. I think he’s better off back in Iceland. A 5 out of 10

Jenny ~ Tainted Love

Well, that was certainly different. The new arrangement was interesting. Well done. A 5.5 out of 10

Jill ~ Violet

Am I the only one who thinks she looks more like Christina/Britney during the MTV Awards than Courtney Love? It was energetic but I wasn’t crazy about it. She could’ve done so much better. The theatrics backfired. A 5 out of 10

Zayra ~ You Really Got Me

OMG WTF bitch? Sengau-city here we come. Let me spell it out for you, woman. Y.O.U. S.U.C.K. I refuse to believe the Asian contestants are any shittier than this. Fuck you, bitch, for taking that chance away from people who are more deserving. And she doesn’t even ‘know’ this song in the first place. Undeserving bitch. A 1/2 out of 10.

Chris ~ (what did he sing again?)

What the fuck is happening? Things are getting worse by the minute (not really, nothing tops the shit that was Zayra’s so-called performance). But that was baaaaad. I might be forced to turn off my television soon. A 4 out of 10.

Dilana ~ Ring Of Fire

LMAO at the Elvira outfit. I am just so scared that she will be this season’s Jordis, but man, she maintained her standards. That was hot. She’s got great vocals and nice voice control. Not as hot as last week, but it was still really good. An 8 out of 10.

Josh ~ With Arms Wide Open

A Creed song? Ewww.. that’s almost as bad as picking a Coldplay or a Nickelback song. Just eww. I love Josh though, but this competition, or this band in particular, is not for him. And if you disagree, stop watching this show now, and just continue to tune in to the shitfest that is on Astro Ria every Saturday night. A 7.5 out of 10

Phil ~ (Can’t remember the song)

Cripes. What the hell, man. The stage presence was truly weird. I like the song but I felt all slimy after watching that performance. And LOL at Newstead’s comments about the spineless performance. Dude, you are just not good. A 2 out of 10.

Storm ~ Surrender

That was good. Loved it. Much better than last week’s performance, but not a WHOLE lot. I dunno, I guess her voice is just not that distinct enough for me. But the ending was hot. A 7 out of 10.

Patrice ~ Heart Shaped Box

Unless you can truly rock a Nirvana song, don’t even start to think of attempting. It was alright but at the end of it all, I was like.. why bloody bother? A 5 out of 10.

Lukas ~ Don’t Panic

Coldplay? Are you fucking kidding me? Are you seriously fucking kidding me? I hope the Coldplay Curse continues from last week after Matt’s departure, but even this shit of a song, from a shit of a singer don’t deserve to be out of the competition before the abomination that is Zayra. A 2 out of 10.

Ryan ~ Jumping Jack Flash

A definite improvement over last week. But I still can’t see this attention-whoring douche anywhere near fronting Supernova. Never gonna happen. I will personally cut my balls off and replace them with my Fontopia headphones, should this ever happen. Let’s face it, he’s just a pretty boy (and probably will become the second coming of the American Egghead Daughtry) A 4.5 out of 10

Dana ~ Born To Be Wild

Rocking song, rocking performance. She’s hot and I loved it. A 7.5 out of 10

Toby ~ Somebody Told Me

Squuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaalllllllllll. WOOHOO! Hot hot hot. That was so worth waiting for. Yay for the Australian rocker! Major awesomeness, that’s all I can say. A 9 out of 10.

Final Rankings

1. Toby ~ 9 out of 10
2. Dilana ~ 8 out of 10
3. Josh ~ 7.5 out of 10
4. Dana ~ 7.5 out of 10
5. Storm ~ 7 out of 10
6. Jenny ~ 5.5 out of 10
7. Magni ~ 5 out of 10
8. Jill ~ 5 out of 10
9. Patrice ~ 5 out of 10
10. Ryan ~ 4.5 out of 10
11. Chris ~ 4 out of 10
12. Phil ~ 2 out of 10
13. Lukas ~ 2 out of 10
14. Zayra ~ 0.5 out of 10